Anyone shed some light on this??

[Jennifer1987]

Something has been really buggging me for a bit now. I dont know if this is just me or if its common.

When I was with my ex there were times when I thought I didnt love him. Sometimes I couldnt stand to be around him or even kiss him. Didnt care if I spoke to him in a day or not. Then all of a sudden I would think of course you love him and would be fine about it all.... This happened at least twice while we were together (2 and half years)... Im not sure why this happened. Our relationship was really disfunctional and he was a complete liar and cheat, very disrespectful and not really attentive towards me at all.. Only when he wanted something... But its only now that we are finished I see all that... But reguardles of all this I still "loved" him or thought I did.. which is why I used try ignore the times when I thought I didnt love him.. Make sense???

Im even confusing myself here....

Anyway, we broke up 5/6 months ago and I havent been happier... The past year has been he!! for me, between health problems and relationship problems.. But I supppose a lesson..

Anyway my question is, Has anyone else experienced this or is it just me.. I really dont want to feel this way when ever I decide to get into another relationship.... Not sure if its normal..

[Jennifer1987]

Thanks!!! I feel way happier these days!!! Just goes to show how relationships can mess up a persons head!!!

[mami1323]

I think most people often look at the ones they love and wonder what the heck they see in this person.  Your feelings about your ex didn't come out of no where....he wasn't a good guy to you and that was your subconcious telling you that he wasn't the right one for you.  I know when Richie and I are fighting I tell myself, why are you still here, and I get those feelings of hatred toward him, but I don't think it would be so intense if he hadn't did me so wrong.  My anger is exaserbated based on his past indiscretions.  I think it's good that you are analyzing your past relationship, it means you are trying to learn from it so that you won't make the same mistakes you did in the past in your future relationships.  That's a great thing.  I think you will be just fine and keep moving forward.  I'm very proud of you, you've come very far.

[Jennifer1987]

Well if you want to marry and he doesn't it kinda rings some bells... Its so hard to be together if ye want different things, one of ye will be unhappy and by the sounds of it, it will be you. I think either sit down and discuss what ye both want, and take it from there..

The way I explain how I used feel is: We would be happy for a while,but then I would all of a sudden feel like I cant bear to be around him, dont want to kiss him or even calll him... It would last for a good while, Id feel guilty of feeling that way and just want for things to go back to "normal", (not that our relationships was any bit nirmal) Im thinking now that its because of the sh!t that happened, made me resent him and I felt I couldnt leave, you nknow when your used to someone and think this is it for life...

Thanks all

[luvzherman]

My Boy Frend is the sweetest but he tells me that i am not the girl he wants to marry, which has me questioning our relationship all the time why r we 2getha if we r not moving 4wrd? do i love him? does he love me? those kind of questions im sure it is normal in every relationship. Does any one else have a boyfrend who doesnt want to marry her? im not sure i even want to marry him but i like the idea that it could possibly happen 1 day... make sense???? thanx any help wuld b appreciated :)

[teko]

Honestly, there are days when I look at my husband and wonder why I ever married him. He is a good man for sure, but certainly is different now than when we first got married.  Other days I look at him and think, wow, I should be grateful and feel guilty. I do think tho that if you have those feelings alot and your man treats you badly or you are always fighting, then ya gotta face the face it just aint working and maybe yer co dependent. Sounds like you made the right call. Next time think with your head as well as your heart, and if he dont measure up, face it head on and run.

[Jennifer1987]

Cheers Judy... Hope ur doing well des days!

[Judy246]

I think it's natural to question ourselves and our feelings. We are human, imperfect and prone to error. The reality is that you no longer have the sames feelings with your ex as in the beginning of the relationship, because trust was broken. Once trust is gone it's difficult to get it back and it also changed the dynamics of the relationship.

Now it's time to just time for yourself and let it be a learning lesson, what not to accept in a relationship. Also a new beginning and not bring up the past in your new relationship. He shouldn't have to pay the price for something that happened in the past, so with that said, I think you are wise in questioning feelings, thoughts, behaviors what is right and wrong. Move forward with your life and you are going to be just fine.  Judy

[Jennifer1987]

Well Iv no regrets about breaking up with him. He was an a$$. Just wondered if there was something wrong with me. Everytime I felt like i didnt love him I wanted to end it but put it off until I felt ok again! And now I wish i ended it when like ye said "My gut"" told me... He was one waste of time lol..

Thanks

[jo929]

I also had those feelings so i think it is normal and it has been many long years ago since my divorce, and you know what i wish that i had stayed, really do not know why he cheated on me but after i got older and thought about it, i think i was  the cause of it in a way, but it is to latr now he is gone and it has been 36 years when i first divorced i really thought i was happy much much later i found out i wan nor as happy as i thought i was  no it does not make sense but what does  luck  jo

[iam1butterfly]

I can relate to what you're saying.
What you described is an emotional disconnect. At times, that happens when one's intuitive, "gut" feelings senses that something is amiss. All too often, that "inner voice"
goes ignored or pushed aside when we allow our minds... our logic... our sense of reason to prevail over what we instinctively know to be right or wrong.
It's perfectly normal to have those feelings... it's not a bad thing to be able to sense when all is not well.

[psyvamp]

my experience is if you question your feelings-- there is usually-more often than not-- some underlying reason for it...Nature just letting you know that perhaps you need to look deeper and re-evaluate your situation.... Gut instincts are usually right on target.

I am glad you are happier, now... The right person will come along-- it may just take time-- but dont fret over it, and dont have the mindset of I'm trying to find.. Just look into yourself, get to know and love yourself-- and find your happiness within...

and, no-- it's not "just you"...but it is just human nature... and yes-- sometimes it is hard to see the forest when you are in the midst of  the trees...

Best wishes, my friend...