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Mr. Matthews...How Dare You...
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Mr. Matthews...How Dare You...

I've been working in another nursing home for about a year now.

During the first couple days of course I had orientation. (I work nights) On one night in particular I finally met the LPN/SUPERVISOR over us, it was a man. VERY attractive. I never thought much of his physique though, he just sat me down..went over the rules.. that was that. As I got up to walk away I felt as if he was watching me, I turned around to see and he was... but looked right away quickly. GORGUES man with an accent.

He immediately went on vacation afterwards.. a week later. He didn't come back after a while. When he finally did, I was assigned to his floor, At night we usually sit down. So I sat near his desk, we actually had a wonderful talk, during that talk he complimented me telling me I was intelligent, beautiful..ect.  (He is REALLY handsome you all. ) moving along, He told me his age (4 year older than I) said he was single..yadda...yadda

Fast Fowarding...things got super intense. He'd pull me in a room we would kiss (Light kissing) he'd touch my breasts and butt ... I felt it was inappropriate.,..we are at work.. but it would always be in an empty room. I honestly have never done anything like this before... Honest to god.  

One night I was working, I was on a different floor, but believe you me I was thinking about him, he was only through the door across the hallway, but he called over to ask the nurse if she had a certain resident over intercom, and after she hung up. Out of curiosity I just out of the blue said,"I wonder where he's from, he sounds french."

That conversation lead to,"he's 33 but he does look 25 doesn't he and...yup he has two jobs for his 2kids and wife." I couldn't believe me ears.. the lies... I was very angry at him ... and I actually told him to leave me alone.. and ontop of that I found out that the nurse was telling the truth, because he got employee of the month.. and it was a little background information about him.

Since than nothing has happened between us ...I distance myself.. although he writes me love letters....asking me "Can we do this again?? I miss how it use to be... my marriage is not the best." and he treats me very different now since I won't "Do anything" I do plan on getting another job but until then I'm not sure how to deal.. :(

I know I'm doing right in distancing myself, but these love letters, and his unfair attitude towards me.. I don't know..

By the way I am 22. he's 33 .. to much of a gap for myself, and I could never ruin a marriage ..whether he feels its best, bad, good..whatever.. your vow is with god..
Tags: Work, MR, Matthew, Love
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580755_tn?1357673215
His 1st actions were not harrasment but might have been against employer rules, but his continued and ongoing advances are harrasment. She does not want them, he is not stopping...HARASSMENT. It doesn't matter why things stopped, they did stop and now she doesn't want anything from him.
17 Comments Post a Comment
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580755_tn?1357673215
Well what he is doing is called harrasment. You could report him to his boss.
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5429202_tn?1367848649
I dont believe it's  sexual harrassment although I allowed him to touch me before, and he has not touched me since then..just love letters
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580755_tn?1357673215
It is any unwanted advances/words/notes. In todays work place even a look can get you in trouble. But what he is doing is clear cut harrassment.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Yes, it is sexual harassment.  The issue is he is your superior and it is inappropriate for him to make ANY advances to you whether you were into it or not.  He'd get fired just about anywhere he works for that.

AND, he's lied to you.  You should be disgusted with him as he is a pig.  I'd do one of two things--- call human resources and tell them what you wrote here OR tell him to buzz off and if he does one thing again inappropriate that you will report him.

There are plenty of handsome single guys.  Stick with that.  This guy is a creep.  peace and luck
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13167_tn?1327197724
I don't believe it's sexual harassment either,  since you were fine with it until you discovered he was married.  His advances weren't in fact,  unwelcome or rebuffed in any way,  but actually encouraged.

Here's an article that explores supervisor sexual harassment.  Unless he continues to ask for gropies again,  what he did isn't harassment under the law.

http://www.propublica.org/blog/item/supervisors-and-sexual-harassment-the-laws-murkier-than-you-think
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Avatar_f_tn
What a dog!!  
I'm sorry this happened to You but You are so much more aware now and it's likely that You will be taken advantage in this way again.  I don't mean You should become cynical but Your eyes are a little more wide open now and that will be a benefit.  

That being said,

I consider His continued persuance of You as harrassment.  Harrassment can be about unwanted "touching" of course - but it can be harrassment even if there is no "touching" -  unwanted "love letters" from a married man IS harrassment!!

I would simply tell Him to leave You alone and that You will report Him if He attempts any further contact with You.

good luck
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Avatar_f_tn
typo:
I meant to say it's likely that You will NOT be taken advantage in this way again.
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973741_tn?1342346373
In this day and age of such a litigious society, I guarantee he'd get severely reprimanded if not fired.  While she was a willing participant, there are many companies that do indeed have some strict rules regarding such interaction.  Why?  It leaves them open to a lawsuit. Any woman can say that they felt awkward and like they had to go through with it due to the person being their superior.  And of course a man could feel the same way.  While this poster makes it clear she thought he was hot and was going to go for it, it wouldn't be hard at all for her to change her story and that is why many companies have policies regarding supervisors and this type of interaction.  

My husband had two managers let go.  One accidentally sent an explicit picture out to his whole team (naked woman in a sexual act) -- he was buddies with one guy on his team and meant to just send it to him and he sent it out to the whole 'group email'.  Fired for it.  The other told sexually oriented jokes at a dinner with a female coworker and my husband.  The female complained---  my husband had to tell the truth that the guy did tell the jokes, he got fired for it.  Neither were sexual harassment but against policies surrounding what managers can and can't do with female employees.  

Anyway, I'd make him very aware that she could indeed stall his career (as such a complaint whether he gets fired for it or not) would.  

good luck to the poster.
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480448_tn?1403547723
He told me his age (4 year older than I) said he was single..yadda...yadda

By the way I am 22. he's 33 .. to much of a gap for myself, and I could never ruin a marriage


Hmmmm, which is it?  Why the discrepancy here?

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1268057_tn?1399131913
"Mr. Matthews?"  Is that the man's name?  If so, you really shouldn't be using real names here.  

Sorry, but this is NO sexual harrassment.  Your case would not even be considered since this was consensual UNTIL you found out he was married and older.....then the passion was GONE.  

Actually, you both acted in poor taste.....used bad judgement and technically you both should be suspended or fire as this is GROUNDS for discharge.  This facility shouldn't be used for "hook-ups" but for taking care of patients.  

You've mixed business with pleasure with DISASTROUS results as to be expected.  

How to resolve this?  Good question.  

I would assume tell him you will tell his wife EVERYTHING and see if that doesn't end the love letters.  

I am not sure how you expect to keep working there and him being able to treat you professionally and fair after this.  You may need to find another job and start anew.  

How dare he?  What did he do that you didn't want?  I am not sure how you can say "how dare you."

3 things:  Don't get involved with co-workers

                Find out who you are dealing with BEFORE getting physicial,
                i.e. fonding, kissing, touching

                Don't use the workplace for hookups
                    
I will agree with RockRose on this.  
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580755_tn?1357673215
His 1st actions were not harrasment but might have been against employer rules, but his continued and ongoing advances are harrasment. She does not want them, he is not stopping...HARASSMENT. It doesn't matter why things stopped, they did stop and now she doesn't want anything from him.
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5429202_tn?1367848649
j
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5429202_tn?1367848649
I have told him to "buzz off" and such, he's back-down alot but still the romantic love letters land on my table every blue moon, the letters aren't much of a bother, it's just the fact that since I refuse to let anything else continue he's attitude towards me is ridiculous. (Very Unfair)
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5429202_tn?1367848649
If I were to go any further with that, it wouldn't get very much attention. I an ADULT ..ALLOWED it and it's not like I was running from him, the notes don't bother me.
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5429202_tn?1367848649
No that's not his real name, It just a nickname I gave him during the time we were "Close" and I know it was inappropriate already:) no use telling me that over and over.
I say "How Dare You" because he has a wife that he lied about...and my dad actually did the same thing to my mother, with his secretary.. :(

and If I were to tell his wife, I don't know who she is, let alone do I know where he lives.. He lied about his life...


I also am leaving by the end of the month and will make no more mistakes such as this.

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5429202_tn?1367848649
If he were single I would not date him, just out of preference
and I would NEVER get in between  a man and his wife. Wether he want's to or not that is HIS choice but I will not be HELPING anyone destroy their marriage
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480448_tn?1403547723
???

Not sure I understand your reply to me.  I had asked why you say two very different things about his age.  Just struck me as kind of odd.
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