My boyfriend masturbates and enjoys sex with me, why isn't he satsfied with just having sex?

[evilkittn]

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months now and when I first started dating him we would have sex everyday, sometimes more than once a day but he would still masturbate. I felt like he would enjoy that more than sex, because I felt like if he was getting sex and still having to resort to masturbating. So I started to cut him off of sex, and now I have put up a wall. He still masturbates, and it's not the fact he masturbates that bothers me.. it's the fact that he has to look at porn while doing it. He swears that I am sexy and that he loves my body but I feel hurt that he has to look at other women to get off. I don't understand why he does this, or why I feel this way. It is making me think twice about our relationship. I love him, a lot.. but I feel like he doesn't find me attractive anymore. I don't know what to do about it. Can someone explain what to do and why I feel this way?

[Kenzi4311]

My boyfriend and I have amazing sex together. We both release and sometimes at the same time! But recently I've noticed his laptop out with headphones, I was out in our garden at the time. When I entered in our room he was in workshop and his items he uses during masterbation was on bed. I felt hurt and unattractive, felt like "what's wrong with me?" He has had an issue with  masterbating too much that it became an addiction and out of control. I asked him when he returned to the room if he thought I was sexy.. he said "God yes, why do you ask?" I responded by saying "no reason." And I walked away sulking the rest of the day and night. He masterbated within an hour after having sex with me; both of us releasing at the very same time. It was extasy for both parties! I became angry and upset and hurt all at the same time. He didn't even tell me he did that, we used to be so honest with each other about our "self time". I got into my car ready to drive off full of anger and super low self esteem with plans of withholding sex from him. I've come to a conclusion that withholding would be a bad thing but maybe I should talk to him; be up front with what I found and how I felt also how it makes me feel. "Was I not good enough to please him anymore? Is he cheating or thinks I'm not attractive anymore. Have I become boring? Does he need something new like a fantasy that I may not be able to give him?" And there I go... overthinking again!  Maybe I should masterbate with myself and see how he may feel too?! Help y'all!?

[Lilyrain]

I have a similar question. My boyfriend works odd hours so he will often times come home while I'm sleeping. Instead of waking me he does his business by himself. I feel terrible he feels the need to do it. He had told me before we got together he would look at other women. He says he looks at pictures of me now. To be honest I feel that lusting over another is a form of cheating and could lead to the real thing over time. I'm not very educated in this, but could he really be looking at other women?  He also says he masturbates to relieve stress. I'm not sure how to respond to this. Do I need to change? Could this lead to something more?

[harlequin018]

Sex with someone you love is passionate and expressive while masturbation just relieves a little stress and feels good. Two necessary things that can co-exist.

[S_love_T]

my boyfriend of 3 years has an very high sex drive as do I but he still masturbates eventhough we have sex a lot. Men are hard wired differently they like to fantasize and if your boyfriend wasn't looking at porn he would be thinking about pornstars/celebrities/the girl with the huge boobs down the street etc when masturbating.  It's nothing against you.  I'm happy that my boyfriend is honest about it.  I found a naked pictures of Rhianna and brittany spears  on his phone and he said he uses it to masturbate. He also has 1 of me sooo whatever.  

Don't worry about it...it's not like he is cheating and if you are in a good relationship and he treats you good It's obvious he loves you.  But i kno he wont stop doing it he just might stop telling you he's doing it.

[teko]

As normal and natural as it may be, nothing is a bigger turn off IMO than watching a man play with himself. When my children were small I taught them it was okay to play with yourself but not in front of others. I feel the same way about grown men. If you want to play with yourself do it privately as it is a royal turnoff to me. I do believe that all men do it, how often is another story, but it is not for my eyes for all the reasons you state. Out of sight out of mind. No I do not consider it cheating but more with him being fascinated with his own anatomy and that is fine as long it doesnt affect US. Just like a woman a man knows just how and where to stroke to get the most out of it in the quickest manner possible. Like I said, watching it turns me off so if ya dont want it to turn me off and affect us, go to another room, quietly.

[sammy73]

Plenty of guys do this, maybe even most guys.  Some are honest about it with their partners, others do it secretly.

Fact is, masturbation feels good, very good.  Most guys have been doing it for years before they start having sex, and it's not a habit anyone is going to give up too easily.  I don't know about other guys, but for myself I know that when I was having sex more frequently I was more likely to masturbate - I'd be so turned on by the sex, within a few hours I'd have the strong urge to orgasm again (particularly if I could still smell my girlfriend on my body!), and if she wasn't around I'd take care of business myself.  One of the benefits of being young, you can get away with doing that and still have plenty to give when you have sex again later - that's not the case so much when a guy gets older!

I can assure you that a guy masturbating does not mean there is anything missing in his sex life with you, or that he doesn't find you devastatingly gorgeous and sexy.  A guy could be doing it 5 times a day, in every possible way, with (insert name of favorite sexy music/movie/TV star here), and he'd still want to masturbate.

He's not likely to stop.  But, if you give him a hard time over it, he's likely to get secretive about it, and that is damaging to your relationship.  If you can be accepting of it, and show him that you are OK with it, then he won't need to lie to you about it and that'll bring you closer.  You could ask him if he has masturbated today, then ask him what he was thinking about at the time, describe his fantasy to you, this would have the benefit of showing your acceptance, encouraging him to be honest by rewarding that honesty, and helping kick off a hot sex session!

Some people have a problem with their partner using porn, and getting off at pictures/movies of other people, others are totally not bothered by it, that's a personal thing I guess.  It certainly does NOT mean he doesn't find you sexy!  If you do have a problem with it, it is reasonable to ask him not to use porn, but to use his imagination to dream up fantasies instead, or to think back to exciting sessions you've had together.  I'm not guaranteeing he'll react well to this (for some guys porn can be a very hard habit to kick), but you can ask.

BTW, the LAST thing you should ever do is try to manipulate his behaviour by witholding sex.  This applies generally, but particularly in this case, 'cos if he's not getting sex with you he's more likely to masturbate to meet his needs.  But for anything, witholding sex is not good.  It's using threats to try and control another person, and a relationship with control issues like this isn't good.  He'll feel resentful, it'll drive you apart, and you won't have the sex that draws you together.  The only good reason for refusing sex is if you're not in the mood for it.

[ConnieG]

I would talk to him about it.  It is a natural thing that most men do.  Usually it doesn't reflect on us.  But I have read that it can be unhealthy for men.  They can become addicted and then it is very difficult for them to stop, even if they want to.  But if you explain to him how it makes you feel, and that you would prefer him not do that then he should understand.  If it's a deal breaker for you, hopefully he decides to get help and stop.  Also, what I like to do for my DH is make my own pics for him to look at when I'm gone.  So he can do what he likes and I know he's not looking at strangers. lol