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My husband lied to me. What do I do?
Sorry for the long post and it's my first ever post. I am feeling so lost and hurt. I started dating my husband when I was 19 for 9 years before getting married in 2013.
This morning I received a text message from my husband and I know for sure that message was not for me. The text said "can't believe it's been this long since high school."
I texted my husband back asking him who the text was for, he told me it was for a guy friend that we both know. Immediately I told my husband to rethink about his answer before replying me because texting is not the usual communication method between him and this guy friend of ours. After several attempts, he finally admitted that he was texting an old high school female friend of his to wish her a happy birthday. He asked me if I am mad and said he doesn't know why he couldn't just tell me the truth.
This female friend of his tried to destroy my relationship with my husband a couple years ago by telling my husband that she thinks I might be cheating on him. I have only seen her once in my life and I don't know why she will accuse me of something like that. My husband told me what she said and right away I felt something is wrong with this girl and told my husband to keep a distance from her but my husband assured me that she is just a "buddy" and he has no feelings for her.
I can't imaging why he would lie to me because of her and I don't know if I should trust him again. I feel betrayed.
This morning I received a text message from my husband and I know for sure that message was not for me. The text said "can't believe it's been this long since high school."
I texted my husband back asking him who the text was for, he told me it was for a guy friend that we both know. Immediately I told my husband to rethink about his answer before replying me because texting is not the usual communication method between him and this guy friend of ours. After several attempts, he finally admitted that he was texting an old high school female friend of his to wish her a happy birthday. He asked me if I am mad and said he doesn't know why he couldn't just tell me the truth.
This female friend of his tried to destroy my relationship with my husband a couple years ago by telling my husband that she thinks I might be cheating on him. I have only seen her once in my life and I don't know why she will accuse me of something like that. My husband told me what she said and right away I felt something is wrong with this girl and told my husband to keep a distance from her but my husband assured me that she is just a "buddy" and he has no feelings for her.
I can't imaging why he would lie to me because of her and I don't know if I should trust him again. I feel betrayed.
It hurts so much when we think we are on 100% solid ground with a spouse, and then one day something happens and there is reason to have any qualms, I'm so sorry that you are feeling so low about this.
i would definitely ask to see his phone, and i'd write down numbers and read all texts... he may not let you, I've seen that happen too.
On the other hand, it's a great sign if he willingly will do anything. If it were me, I might think it worth a trip to a marriage counselor, just to let him know that if there is anything going on, then it would be better to get it out in the open now, rather than later.
how did he react when she put thoughts of you being unfaithful into his head?
i would definitely ask to see his phone, and i'd write down numbers and read all texts... he may not let you, I've seen that happen too.
On the other hand, it's a great sign if he willingly will do anything. If it were me, I might think it worth a trip to a marriage counselor, just to let him know that if there is anything going on, then it would be better to get it out in the open now, rather than later.
how did he react when she put thoughts of you being unfaithful into his head?
Thanks everyone for your comment. It's such a relief to know that it's normal to feel the way I'm feeling right now and I'm not overreacting. I just tried talking to my husband and he just kept on saying sorry and told me he regretted it right away after he lied and wanted to tell me the truth. Honestly I don't know what to believe anymore since we've always been the perfect couple in other people's eyes. I know that my husband and this girl don't talk to each other often and they couldn't see each other since we live in Canada and this girl lives in Asia but it's the lying part that hurts me the most.
Being that you have already experienced drama with this friend why would he continue to stay in contact with her behind your back? I would definitely consider this a betrayal especially since she meddled in your relationship between you and your husband before you were married. Good friends DON'T meddle.
If she is just a "buddy," then you as well should know more about her and be ok with interacting with her as well. I am not sure why she was telling your husband then bf that you might be cheating. I would be upset if someone was telling my bf that I may be cheating on him especially if I wasn't.
Your husband keeping this a secret isn't a good thing. I am sure it was to avoid you getting upset, but if he wanted to continue the relationship with this friend he should of smoothed out things between you and her, not try to keep this secret that he is still dealing with this friend who tried to start trouble between you and your husband.
If she is just a "buddy," then you as well should know more about her and be ok with interacting with her as well. I am not sure why she was telling your husband then bf that you might be cheating. I would be upset if someone was telling my bf that I may be cheating on him especially if I wasn't.
Your husband keeping this a secret isn't a good thing. I am sure it was to avoid you getting upset, but if he wanted to continue the relationship with this friend he should of smoothed out things between you and her, not try to keep this secret that he is still dealing with this friend who tried to start trouble between you and your husband.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome. I'm sorry to hear that, So hon, surprise him and ask to see his phone. I don't usually suggest such things because I DO believe in privacy but clearly they are keeping in touch. He knows her birthday? Or was he just saying that?
I would ask him to explain to you why he would jeopardize his relationship with you by communicating with her. She caused major problems. He knows this. And he lied because he knows you would not appreciate his behavior.
I think you need more information. Does he have facebook? Is he communicating with her there? He knows her number to text and truthfully, if I texted someone out of the blue--- they wouldn't know my number that I'd just say a comment on "can you believe it has been so long since high school". You know what I'm saying? there is more to the story.
You need answers. good luck
I would ask him to explain to you why he would jeopardize his relationship with you by communicating with her. She caused major problems. He knows this. And he lied because he knows you would not appreciate his behavior.
I think you need more information. Does he have facebook? Is he communicating with her there? He knows her number to text and truthfully, if I texted someone out of the blue--- they wouldn't know my number that I'd just say a comment on "can you believe it has been so long since high school". You know what I'm saying? there is more to the story.
You need answers. good luck
Hm.
Is it possible this really isn't as big a deal as you believe it to be?
The reason he didn't tell you he texted her is he knew you would be enraged. He knew that, no matter how innocent the birthday wish might be, you would be very angry based on the conversation where she thought you might be cheating a couple years ago.
Since you don't know her, and she was a good friend of his in High School, it doesn't seem unfathomable that she DID think you were cheating on him, and out of loyalty told him so. Who knows what made her think that - a rumor, seeing you out with someone, thinking she saw you out with someone, I don't know. But that's the kind of thing good friends do for each other - if it seems to them the friend is being cheated on, they mention it.
I think I would ask to see the text string. Saying "I can't believe it's been this long since High School" isn't really a very erotic thing to say, and it indicates he hasn't talked to her in a very long time.
The fact that you were so immediately suspicious - and accusatory - is telling.
Do you have good reason to think he's a cheater?
Is it possible this really isn't as big a deal as you believe it to be?
The reason he didn't tell you he texted her is he knew you would be enraged. He knew that, no matter how innocent the birthday wish might be, you would be very angry based on the conversation where she thought you might be cheating a couple years ago.
Since you don't know her, and she was a good friend of his in High School, it doesn't seem unfathomable that she DID think you were cheating on him, and out of loyalty told him so. Who knows what made her think that - a rumor, seeing you out with someone, thinking she saw you out with someone, I don't know. But that's the kind of thing good friends do for each other - if it seems to them the friend is being cheated on, they mention it.
I think I would ask to see the text string. Saying "I can't believe it's been this long since High School" isn't really a very erotic thing to say, and it indicates he hasn't talked to her in a very long time.
The fact that you were so immediately suspicious - and accusatory - is telling.
Do you have good reason to think he's a cheater?
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