I know this relationship is doomed...

[t321948]

I am ashamed to admit that I am in love with a man who is supposedly in a live in committed relationship with another woman.  I say supposedly because she is obviously committed to him, but he has been cheating with me for about four months.  I have tried to break it off with him numerous times, but he always ends up calling the next day and of course I answer.  I haven't been in a serious relationship for years, and I think this is the only reason I am settling for this psuedo-relationship.  When we are together it is like we are boyfriend/girlfriend.  We get along so well and have so much fun.  He also makes me feel good about myself and feel generally happy.  But when he is getting ready to leave I start to feel a horrible pit in my stomach.  I know I deserve the happy feelings without having to deal with the fact that when he leaves he is with his real girl (which is basically torture).  Somehow I'm able to see that this is terrible for me, but I can't get out!  Last night I broke up with him yet again, but he pretty much just refuses to acknowledge it and waits until I've cooled off.  When he call (which he will) I just want to tell him that unless he is calling to talk about leaving his girlfriend (which he has said he wants to do at times) we have nothing to talk about.  I just feel like I don't have to willpower.  I know I don't deserve to be treated this way, and niether does his girlfriend.  I just don't know how to let go.  Any advice?

[thehitman357]

He's a player..................

[TTinKKerBBell]

You end this post saying You don't deserve to be treated this way.

Well, guess what??  We teach people how they can treat us.

I, for one do not accept that You can't control YourSelf as regards this.  It's a CHOICE - a bad one, granted, but You are CHOOSING to stay in this relationship.

I agree with others here - if he will cheat on Her, he will also cheat on You - as a matter of fact, that's what he's doing now - CHEATING ON BOTH OF YOU!!

and YOU are ALSO cheating Her !!  This is a  triangle !!  You have a role in this and You should feel a responsibility to do the right thing for YourSelf and for Her.

[RockRose]

I agree with all the others,  and have an idea that might help.

Think of the most powerful,  strong and confident woman you know.  And then imagine her being this guy's booty call.  She wouldn't.  The moment she sensed a guy she was interested in was already in a relationship,  she'd be out of there and he might have slap marks on his face.  

Until you can think more of yourself than to be in this insulting relationship,  you will be doomed to this kind of thing.  Be the kind of woman who walks off angry when men try to demean her this way.

[specialmom]

I hear a helplessness in your post that I think you should address.  For example, if I am loving a particular food that isn't on my diet, I long for it, I love it, it is providing an emotional need--------  I still have to say no to it.  I have to have the willpower to do so.  You need to be more in control of yourself.  This is your drug and you need to kick the habit.  

Want to up the ante for not being in touch with him.  Call him at home--------  and tell him you are recording the call.  Then say to him that you want him to understand that you do not want him to contact you again and if he does you will get a restraining order.

And sister, mean it.  You are too smart for this.  You are stronger than this.  

So now I'm curious how you got in this situation.  What is going on with your life that you filled a void in this unhealthy way?  I would march yourself straight to a therapist and discuss this.  Not everyone would put themselves in this position and then not be able to get themselves out of it.  You need to look honestly at the reasons you are where you are at.  This is how you will be able to avoid it in the future.

Good luck.  You deserve better than this and you should want it for yourself.  Say no like he is that cheesecake off of the list of things you can have.  And honey, he is a predator because he found someone that is currently in a weak state and not standing up for herself.  He's a predator.  Remember that.  good luck.

[teko]

The fact of the matter is is that you see this married man because you want to do it. You do not want to end it because he makes you feel good about yourself (by treating you like second hand goods?) You have so much fun with him, (because you dont have any of the responsibilities of marriage?) You feel special about him and hope he will leave his significant other, (but he has not done this has he?) And you feel that pit in your stomach because you know your time with this man is coming to an end, so he can go home and make the other woman feel good about herself, laugh and have fun with her and convince her how very special she is to him until he gets the itch to cheat once again. Lady! You aint got no prize! This two timing lying, cheating, mistreating idiot has his cake and eatin it too and both you ladies are simply pork chops and steak and given what ever he has an appetite for that night is who the flavor is. Do you really want to settle for someone elses leftovers? He probably has liver and onions and corned beef hash waitin on the back burners as well. Lose this loser before you end up stuck with him and consider yourself lucky that you woke up in time to have a life of your own and not sharing someone elses.

[lovemykids465]

You will never be able to trust this man even if he left his girlfriend. You need to break it off completely. I know it is hard. Surround yourself with some strong friends and keep yourself busy.

[imanaddict]

This is not an ideal situation to be in, which you already acknowledge. What would happen if he did leave his girlfriend? Would he come to you and everything be great? The reality is, probably not. He's cheating on his girlfriend with you and starting a formal relationship that way will always raise doubts and more than likely repeat itself. If you REALLY want to break it off with him, do it and change your contact info immediately so he cannot get a hold of you. If you continue to see him, just keep in mind of how your future might be with him and what kind of man he apparently is.

[AHP84]

If you feel you don't have the willpower to say no to him when he speaks to you, then just cut off contact if you truly want to break this off. Change your phone number before he can call, or just turn off your phone when you know he'll call. Try to use that time when you expect him to call doing something that'll distract you during that time. Go somewhere, with friends if you need.
I would recommend not even giving him the option of speaking to you on any conditions such as talking about leaving his girlfriend. Talking and doing are two different things. So as long as he keeps telling you he'll leave her, you'll allow him to keep stringing you along?
Set your boundaries if you truly want him gone. You have to make yourself unavailable for him and start living for yourself. Once you're free from him, I'm betting you feel more confident in yourself to move on with your life. You won't need to settle for anything fake anymore. Respect yourself enough to set higher standards, and stick to them. You can do it!
Another thought--if he does leave his girlfriend for good and comes to you, I wouldn't take him back. He's likely to cheat on you after a few years. Get rid of this guy for good.