Need answers

[inneedofhelp91]

Is it wrong for a 17 year daughter to cuddle on the couch with her daddy kissing on his shoulder and rubbing his stomach? Is it wrong for a daughter to kiss her daddy on the lips? Is it wrong for a daughter to run the house in her bra and underwear? Is it wrong for a daughter to run upstairs naked while her daddy is sitting on the couch?

[specialmom]

Well, one thing that EVERYONE is saying is that the problem is that your boyfriend doesn't want to change things. While I think some of what you describe sounds normal and some not so normal-------  and where everyone draws there own line for that is different . . . the bottom line is that your boyfriend perpetuates the behavior and is not willing to change it even though you've shared your feelings.  

No one is really seeing things different than you are ----  they are just saying to focus your attention on your boyfriend and that this relationship seems to not be workable due to his ignorning your feelings.  

good luck

[inneedofhelp91]

Yes i feel it off. I have talked to my bf about this, he feels it ok for his daughter to act like this. He said it is just her showing affection to her father n her father showing affection to her daughter. I mean i totally agree that a father and daughter should have a relationship. I just think the whole kissing on the shoulder and rubbing the stomach is what i feel is far beyond normal.. She wants to hold his hand in public too. I feel she acts like she 5 years old again.. I guess everyone has there own opinion and everyone she thinks though different eyes. Thanks.

[thatquietgirl]

That whole situation feels off, and the fact you're even asking this means you feel it's off, too.  When I was 17, I was not cuddling with my father or rubbing his stomach.  It would've been far too intimate for a father-daughter relationship.  A little cuddling while sitting up?  Maybe would have been ok, but for me personally, I wouldn't have done it.  I never kiss anyone on their lips aside from my boyfriend.  It, again, just seems far too intimate for a non-romantic relationship.  You're having to get very close and personal to do it even for a peck (and if kissing on the lips goes beyond just a quick peck between a father and daughter, something is not right, by the way).

To run around the house in a bra and panties? or naked?  What the heck?  He's not told her to cover up?  He should!  No father should want to put himself in a situation where he could even remotely be accused of or suspected for sexual abuse of any nature.  A father who loves his daughter would want to teach her modesty and she should have a natural affinity to want to cover up in a man's presence, especially her father's.  Seriously, why would a father want to see his daughter naked?  If it was a quick run through from the laundry room to the room in a bra and panties, I wouldn't consider it odd (though I personally would've at least kept a towel around me or thrown on a long shirt).  But the way you word it sounds otherwise.

If you're suspecting anything, get yourself out of that situation and make an anonymous report to CPS.  They will investigate and cannot drop your name into the equation for rather obvious reasons.

If you just think it's left to these behaviors and don't feel it's gone beyond these, sit down and talk with the father about the fact you feel these are inappropriate and/or make you uncomfortable to see and why.

[specialmom]

Are you a new wife or girlfriend?  Usually these questions and that situation go hand in hand.  

I think it can be inappropriate for a 17 year old to be naked running around the I'd probably ask my kid to cover up and be more modest.  I think that when you raise a child, seeing them in their underwear is less alarming-----  I have boys and will eventually see them in no shirts and underwear around the house when they are older, I am sure.  I can't picture myself thinking of them in a sexual way or being bothered by it.  I mean, if the are parading all day in their undies----  I'd have an issue as they need to find something more valuable to do with their time.  I think kissing on the lips is not uncommon if it is a peck.  If it is open mouthed and gross, well, then that would make me uncomfortable.

so, I don't know if I am answering your question because I think it is deeper than just these affectionate things between father and daughter.  Different people are uncomfortalble with different levels of affection based on how they grew up or personal belief.  I don't know if this is over the top as I am not there.  But I'm guessing you feel it is.  

do you feel he is sexual with his daughter???  And if so, you should call child protective services and leave immediately.

If you just feel your husband/boyfriend is inappropriate with his daughter, then you should discuss this with him about what you two can agree are appropriate boundaries for him to set with her.  Parents set the boundaries, so work with your husband on this.  
good luck