How to end FWB

[blablabla378]

I am in a sort of "arrangement" with a guy.
We are only friends but  act like boyfriend and girlfriend. I believe the term is friends with benefits.
Now a days we dont see eachother much as he has a new girl.

I want out of the arrangement. I am attached and its affecting my life.  
Being normal friends is not an option as i know if we were to hang out it would automatically result in physicality anyway. I need to quit him cold turkey.

How do i end it without looking clingy
Can i just disappear by blocking his calls? Should i just always say im "busy"?
Can i just text that the arrangement is off ? Or do i have to speak to him face to face and tell him i need out?

Im guessing it has to be done face to face, but many friends have advised me against it.

[blablabla378]

Thank you teko and specialmom

My main concern was that doing it via technology would be rude or immature. But then again he isnt the most mature of people anyway.

Now atleast i know these types of arrangements are not suitable for me and hopefully this will make me into a stronger smarter person.
I really appreciate all the advise. Thank you.

[specialmom]

Yes, I agree with the others.  I think deep down you probably kind of "like" him and wish it were more and the smart side of your brain knows it will never be.  And frankly, he really isn't your friend.  Friends don't use someone this way.  His character is quite questionable in that he has people he dates and his "side stuff" as well.  That is pretty low class and raunchy.  Why you would have any qualms about ending this, I have no idea.  I think he calls or texts and you say "well, in thinking about this--------- I don't think it is a good idea anymore.  At all.  Don't as again so we can stay friendly."  

And then hold to it.  You are being used if you do anything else but that.  Good luck.  This just takes being strong and doing what your head is telling you to do.  

[teko]

This looks pretty cut and dry to me. When you started the arrangement, you were comfortable with it, now your not. That simple really. And that is all you need to explain. He has a girlfriend and in a relationship, period.

You simply remind him of that and let him know you no longer are comfortable and wish him well and move on. Whether it be by text, email or in person is a matter of choice. Personally these days either or are acceptable so which ever is easier for you would be the way to go. One word of caution. Be careful not to get into a long drawn out, complicated discussion about it. Just let him know this is your decision and there is not open for negotiation. Good Luck.

[blablabla378]

Lol ah sorry =S
Im Physical with him but havent gone as far as sex.

[RockRose]

bla,  Friends with Benefits means you are sleeping with him.

Are you not having sex with him?  I don't understand your post - it sounds like you were saying you've been having sex with this guy who always has other girlfriends and now you want to stop having sex with him.

But now you say you haven't ever had sex with him.

??

[blablabla378]

Youre right.
I think l tend to make excuses in order to avoid confrontation.

Glad to say Ive never slept with the guy. I dont know if thats relevant but anyway- i place a large value on physical intimacy and that was my downfall.

There is definately no possibility of  a relationship, nor do i want one deep down. Im just stupidly got attached.

I will text him like you said the next time he calls and tell him our little "arrangement" is not right for me.
Thank you for your advice Perch101

[perch101]

I'm going to be blunt here and hope I don't upset you, but hear goes!

You say it's hard to explain - but the situation really isn't that complicated at all - he's getting casual sex from you, but this is clearly all he wants from you - if he wanted more he'd do away with the other women and give you the committment and respect of a monogomous relationship.

It comes across clearly in your posts that you are starting to become uncomfortable having casual sex with this guy who dosen't actually want you as a girlfriend.

If you want more for yourself than just being a casual sex partner (and one of many as you day) - and is sounds like you DO - you need to actually tell him this, if he will give this to you, well great. If he wont - end this situation so that you can find a guy who wants the same things as you do.

And it is NOT being 'clingy' to want a guy willing to actually have a relationship to you as well as have sex with you. You deserve that - it's up to you to set that standard and accept nothing less.

Best of luck.

[blablabla378]

He has always had other people on the side. More than i can count.
I feel if i say something along those lines he will most likely bring up the fact i have always known.
This arrangement has lasted over a year.
Its so hard to explain but i feel like im standing on eggshells

[perch101]

Um, well - he has another girl - so it's as simple as you saying to him you don't want to be 'the other woman'.

You ask 'how do i end it without looking clingy' - I think next time he calls/texts or whatever for a 'catch up' just say/text back that you don't want to be the bit on the side, so you'll leave it thanks.

I don't think you have to do this face-to-face, as he has a new girlfriend, you don't owe him that.

Good luck.

Good luck.