Aa
Question for the gals
Suppose you've been dating a guy for a few months and are starting to like him. He now confesses to you that he has a foot fetish - he likes to kiss and lick women's barefeet. What do you do?
a) End the relationship.
b) Continue to see him only if he agrees to leave your feet alone
c) Indulge his fetish but only on rare occasions, like his birthday.
d) Indulge his fetish to make him happy even though it does nothing for you.
e) Indulge his fetish because you don't like or are afraid of normal sex.
f) Indulge his fetish because you like it.
g) Other.
Just wondering - all of the women I dated chose (a).
a) End the relationship.
b) Continue to see him only if he agrees to leave your feet alone
c) Indulge his fetish but only on rare occasions, like his birthday.
d) Indulge his fetish to make him happy even though it does nothing for you.
e) Indulge his fetish because you don't like or are afraid of normal sex.
f) Indulge his fetish because you like it.
g) Other.
Just wondering - all of the women I dated chose (a).
I've been with two different men with two different fetishes and I indulged them. They weren't too far out and by indulging them I pleased them and actually realized another way that I am attractive to the opposite sex. If the fetish is all they can offer in the sexual area then it is a problem but usually it is just foreplay and then we are off to the major event.
My momma always told me that we humans were no different than any other species on earth. Its the smell! People are attracted to other people because of their scent. Like dogs in heat if a woman is on the move all the males will be following her to get it. They know she is putting out and no matter how attractive the other philly is, they follow the one they get the action from. But atttraction is started, maintained because of the scent of each other. Have you ever been around someone who you feel needs to have their bed changed every day cause it stinks? Yet if our mate is gone for any length of time we have his shirts on or smelling the bedsheets where he last laid his head. Just my opinion
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay, coming back for just a moment. My last post was a bit abrupt. There is one thing that we agree on which is that attraction is a key element in the dating process and to most relationships essential for them to last. Let's just leave it at that as I find myself really wanting to push back on these types of generalizations about people. We all have base level instincts but luckily we've evolved to thinking sorts that move past just what we are born with.
As I have a few difficulties going on right now, I'll gracefully bow out of this conversation. That probably should have been what I did from the begining.
Luck to all in finding and keeping a partner that they can enjoy life with.
As I have a few difficulties going on right now, I'll gracefully bow out of this conversation. That probably should have been what I did from the begining.
Luck to all in finding and keeping a partner that they can enjoy life with.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Rockrose---------- normally I do so agree with you and have the utmost respect for you as you know!
I disagree with you.
Completely.
I disagree with you.
Completely.
Specialmom, sorry to be shallow. : (
But the thing is, what I was saying is true. Nothing is always true for every single person, but the theory that men marry for looks and women for money is sound.
This was probably even more true in past generations where men were the sole bread winners - now, women can and do make as much money as men, so it's probably less true.
But there was a study done just a couple years ago, using a dating site as criteria for the study. "Mock up" profiles were created. The results were really startling - the trend was clear that physically unattractive men who make lots of $$ were preferred over very attractive men who don't make money, and beautiful women with no financial assets were preferred over unattractive women with high salaries. Other things like hobbies, lifestyle preferences, etc., got mixed approval - what was absolutely clear is that the more money a guy makes almost nothing else about him matters, and the prettier a woman is almost nothing else about her matters. I've spent some time looking online for the study and can't find it now. : (
When my now 20 year old son was 6 months old he participated in a study at University of Texas Child Development Center. The theory was, babies would look longer at photos of people who look like their parents than they would at other photos of people. Not true. Boy babies looked longest at a "type" of hot babe, and girls don't appear have any real preference for what photos they look at longest. So at the conclusion of the study the researcher wrote letters to all the parents (there were 200 of us) with the results of the study, and in my letter was a composite picture of what my son looked at the most. A girl that looks a lot like Julia Roberts totally caught his eye. His first real girlfriend was a dead ringer for that composite. Amazing. At 6 months old my son knew what kind of woman he wanted, by looks. Obviously if she had a terrible personality he wouldn't have wanted her, but it was the looks that caught him. Same with me - I look just like my husband's first real love from high school, and when my husband looked out his apartment window in college and saw me sitting at the swimming pool, it was all over for him. He came right down to the pool and we've been together ever since. ;D
It's just interesting, is what I'm saying.
But the thing is, what I was saying is true. Nothing is always true for every single person, but the theory that men marry for looks and women for money is sound.
This was probably even more true in past generations where men were the sole bread winners - now, women can and do make as much money as men, so it's probably less true.
But there was a study done just a couple years ago, using a dating site as criteria for the study. "Mock up" profiles were created. The results were really startling - the trend was clear that physically unattractive men who make lots of $$ were preferred over very attractive men who don't make money, and beautiful women with no financial assets were preferred over unattractive women with high salaries. Other things like hobbies, lifestyle preferences, etc., got mixed approval - what was absolutely clear is that the more money a guy makes almost nothing else about him matters, and the prettier a woman is almost nothing else about her matters. I've spent some time looking online for the study and can't find it now. : (
When my now 20 year old son was 6 months old he participated in a study at University of Texas Child Development Center. The theory was, babies would look longer at photos of people who look like their parents than they would at other photos of people. Not true. Boy babies looked longest at a "type" of hot babe, and girls don't appear have any real preference for what photos they look at longest. So at the conclusion of the study the researcher wrote letters to all the parents (there were 200 of us) with the results of the study, and in my letter was a composite picture of what my son looked at the most. A girl that looks a lot like Julia Roberts totally caught his eye. His first real girlfriend was a dead ringer for that composite. Amazing. At 6 months old my son knew what kind of woman he wanted, by looks. Obviously if she had a terrible personality he wouldn't have wanted her, but it was the looks that caught him. Same with me - I look just like my husband's first real love from high school, and when my husband looked out his apartment window in college and saw me sitting at the swimming pool, it was all over for him. He came right down to the pool and we've been together ever since. ;D
It's just interesting, is what I'm saying.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ya know, I don't agree with either of you. Men marry for looks? I agree that one must be attractive to the other----------- but that is a shallow criteria for picking a spouse. And I'd not assume most people are that shallow.
People who continuously marry/date "losers" do so due to a subconsious comfort level with them--------- a bit like what you are saying rockrose------ it is a pattern that they have not worked on breaking. We repeat patterns. Women with cruddy dads often marry cruddy men. Comfortable subconsiously.
This whole conversation is stereotyping and irritating. I'm out.
People who continuously marry/date "losers" do so due to a subconsious comfort level with them--------- a bit like what you are saying rockrose------ it is a pattern that they have not worked on breaking. We repeat patterns. Women with cruddy dads often marry cruddy men. Comfortable subconsiously.
This whole conversation is stereotyping and irritating. I'm out.
Well that's a whole different thing, women who go after men they know are losers.
Generally speaking, most people marry the best they can attract and keep. I also have a theory, though, that women who keep marrying losers believe strongly that's the best they can do - that anyone worth being in a relationship wouldn't want them, or would soon tire of them.
Generally speaking, most people marry the best they can attract and keep. I also have a theory, though, that women who keep marrying losers believe strongly that's the best they can do - that anyone worth being in a relationship wouldn't want them, or would soon tire of them.
Unfortunately, many of the prettiest women like "bad boys" who are jerks, felons or layabouts. They either make it their mission to change them or they like the abuse. I have a female cousin down south who married 5 of them - the first was a cheat, the 2nd beat her, and #5 never worked. Numbers 3 and 4 lasted just a few months each.
mrivera, interesting conversation, but I think some of your stats are off.
Men almost never marry for money. There are a few lazy guys out there who will do that, but most typically men marry for looks. A man will get the prettiest woman he can attract, and a woman will get the wealthiest man she can attract.
So when you see an ugly guy with a gorgeous woman, it's a safe bet, as you say, that he's rich.
When you see a good looking guy with an ugly woman, in my experience it's safe to guess there's something very wrong with him that you could discover after knowing him for about a half hour. Like he's a huge jerk, or a felon, or won't work. Just my observations on life.
Men almost never marry for money. There are a few lazy guys out there who will do that, but most typically men marry for looks. A man will get the prettiest woman he can attract, and a woman will get the wealthiest man she can attract.
So when you see an ugly guy with a gorgeous woman, it's a safe bet, as you say, that he's rich.
When you see a good looking guy with an ugly woman, in my experience it's safe to guess there's something very wrong with him that you could discover after knowing him for about a half hour. Like he's a huge jerk, or a felon, or won't work. Just my observations on life.
You might guess I've done a lot of reading on the subject over the years and it seems about 10% of all men have this fetish. Unusual sexual preferences is much more a male issue than female. I used to listen regularly to Dr. Toni Grant when she was on the radio and it seemed that at least once an hour, some guy would call asking her to explain why he was a transvestite. If you type any disgusting sex act you can imagine, followed by ".com", on Google, you'll get zillions of sites, almost all catering to men.
On the other issue, if you see Mad Men's Don Draper with someone who looks like Rosie O'Donnell on his arm, I suspect either she is very rich or she is meeting some sexual need other women won't. The same way is you see a gorgeous blonde supermodel arm in arm with someone who looks like Danny Devito, you might assume he is very rich.
On the other issue, if you see Mad Men's Don Draper with someone who looks like Rosie O'Donnell on his arm, I suspect either she is very rich or she is meeting some sexual need other women won't. The same way is you see a gorgeous blonde supermodel arm in arm with someone who looks like Danny Devito, you might assume he is very rich.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, and one thing that I didn't agree with in the area of assumptions is when you asked us to look around and notice couples in which one (and you said male) is more attractive than their partner that this was because the homely one was satisfying an odd quirk. I must tell you that many evolved folks go beyond sex in choosing a mate. Sex is just part of it. And what attracts one person to another is not always the same for everyone. Surface beauty is only one aspect to what makes a person attractive to another. Sex is just one aspect to a relationship.
Me? If a guy is hilarious, smart, and ambitious----------- they get much better looking in my eyes verses a really great looking but dull man.
So your statement about who is with whom and why may be one of the assumptions people are talking about.
Me? If a guy is hilarious, smart, and ambitious----------- they get much better looking in my eyes verses a really great looking but dull man.
So your statement about who is with whom and why may be one of the assumptions people are talking about.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I've been 'lucky' as I've never dated anyone with any unusual likes or dislikes. Husband is a regular Joe as well.
I'm not sure it is as common as you think mrivera. But does it really matter? Whatever floats your boat as long as it doesn't hurt anyone is everyone's own business.
I'm not sure it is as common as you think mrivera. But does it really matter? Whatever floats your boat as long as it doesn't hurt anyone is everyone's own business.
OK, I'll change "most" to "many". As Charlie Rich sang, "Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors." I'm glad your fiance doesn't have any disagreeable quirks. I just hope he doesn't spring a surprise on you after the honeymoon. Some guys with these issues will do that (I didn't) believing you have no way out now that you're married.
I agree with Vance in that you make a lot of assumptions. "I bet most wives have husbands with some unusual urge, like cross dressing or rough sex or extreme role playing, etc., that they put up with." That statement is not true for many people I know. It's about finding someone you are compatible with. My fiance does not have any unusual behavior that I have to "put up with", none of the above written situations you describe.
I am glad you are happy with your relationship. It seems to work out for you and your relationship.
I am glad you are happy with your relationship. It seems to work out for you and your relationship.
I will tell yu that I have lived long enuff to realize that couples get together and stay together for a multitude of reasons. The ones here that are in loving healthy intimate physical relationships are lucky and I also no some that do not engage in sex for various reasons but love their mates more than life itself and would not trade them for anyone. It sounds like to me that your situation works for you and yours and personally, I would rather be around a guy with a foot fetish than someone on drugs or tuned into the computer porn with one hand and fulfilling himself with the other. It definately takes all kinds and the older I get, the less wierd the world seems. Actually the older I get the more I see that the subject of sex in general is taken way to seriously by just about everyone in one form or another. Im no exception. I am older now and after a hysterectomy and no hormones I wonder what all the hoopla is about, actually I wondered the same thing when I was only half my age now. SEX does not define a relationship and certainly not a marriage, at least not the kind that lasts forever. So have fun with them toes!
Yes, my dating days ended in the mid 70's. Back then I had a 4 year relationship with someone who chose option (d) above. She was very sexually driven and I, being in my early 20's, had plenty of hormones for both the normal stuff as well as the fetish stuff. Soon after she moved out of her parents' house, she discovered it was no great problem finding guys to have sex with who didn't have these perverted urges and we mutually broke up. I had a flurry of dating activity with girls who dropped me as soon as they found out before I started dating my wife. I bet most wives have husbands with some unusual urge, like cross dressing or rough sex or extreme role playing, etc., that they put up with.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, I am glad you are not lonely and satisfied with your relationship. The way you wrote of it and previous posts that you've written had me believing you were unhappy.
I'm over 40 and do enjoy a good book but . . . prefer my husband more. And . . . I feel like I'm not unusual in that. But my friends and myself are just one collective case study out here in the suburbs . . .
Anyway, I am glad that you are a happily married man--------- and those gals you spoke of in your initial post must have been a long time ago since it has been 35 years of marriage. good luck
I'm over 40 and do enjoy a good book but . . . prefer my husband more. And . . . I feel like I'm not unusual in that. But my friends and myself are just one collective case study out here in the suburbs . . .
Anyway, I am glad that you are a happily married man--------- and those gals you spoke of in your initial post must have been a long time ago since it has been 35 years of marriage. good luck
We've been married for 35 years and came to terms with it a long time ago. It's probably why she married me - a "normal" guy would make demands on her that she finds much more distasteful. She was beautiful in college and much sought after by handsomer and richer guys. It's not lonely at all. We have careers, 2 grown kids now out of the house and 3 German Shepherds.
I bet this is not so unusual. When you're out and about, look for couples with a tall handsome guy and a homely gal. I suspect that she's satisfying some unusual fetish of his that most women wouldn't. Also, there was a study some months ago that concluded 2/3 of women over 40 would just assume skip sex to watch TV or read a good book. Being married to a guy with a foot fetish would probably be a relief to them.
I bet this is not so unusual. When you're out and about, look for couples with a tall handsome guy and a homely gal. I suspect that she's satisfying some unusual fetish of his that most women wouldn't. Also, there was a study some months ago that concluded 2/3 of women over 40 would just assume skip sex to watch TV or read a good book. Being married to a guy with a foot fetish would probably be a relief to them.
I agree that it does sound awfully lonely....the attitude she's taken just doesn't seem fair to you, so I too would recommend counseling so maybe she can see that while, yes, she's agreeing to "buy you off" as it were, she's hardly being sensitive or intimate.
I dated a guy who had a serious foot fetish...it was bizarre, but for him it was just another part of foreplay (we never had sex, but he was always complimenting my feet and looking for new shoes, and freely admitted how much feet do for him). Like I said we never got into intimacy but knowing him and the way he viewed it, I don't think it would've bothered me that much....it was just a part of the whole package, not the package itself, for him.
not really my thing though..I must say.
I dated a guy who had a serious foot fetish...it was bizarre, but for him it was just another part of foreplay (we never had sex, but he was always complimenting my feet and looking for new shoes, and freely admitted how much feet do for him). Like I said we never got into intimacy but knowing him and the way he viewed it, I don't think it would've bothered me that much....it was just a part of the whole package, not the package itself, for him.
not really my thing though..I must say.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I wrote my above post in a strange way----------- I guess I was asking if couples therapy to address these types of issues was an option you two could consider. It could be beneficial if she is interested in changing things (and to make your spouse happy, I think everyone should 'want' work on things). good luck
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, that does sound lonely Mrivera. Wish she'd enjoy a romantic life with you! I guess this has been a long standing issue and couples therapy isn't an option?
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