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Raped by step-brother
Hi, I really don't know what to do. I met my dad when I was 16 for the first time. It was a little strange at first, but I was accepted right away by him and the rest of the family. I have 1 half sister, 1 step-sister, 2 half-brothers and a step-brother. I would go over maybe once a month for the weekend, and would party and drink with the family. They were/are big drinkers, drug-users.. Things were going well and I started to feel comfortable with them. My dad finally admitted the reason we'd never met was because my mom wouldn't allow it (which she finally admitted when asked).
Anyways, one weekend while I was there (I was 18 by then), I was drinking and doing drugs with my step-brother (I know, bad, but I was a teen lol) and we were playing pool and having fun, I was really starting to feel "accepted".. Anyways, I was wasted by bed time, and so was he.. My half-brother was asleep on top bunk-bed, he had lower bunk-bed, I made a bed on the floor.. Suddenly he jumped out of bed and on top of me, holding my arms down with one hand, he was straddling me so I couldn't move, and he started pulling my pants off with the other hand, and using his feet.. Saying things like, "we are meant for each other, I love you, your so beautiful" while I was yelling "stop, stop, your my brother, this isn't right" and he was saying "I'm not your brother, I never will be your brother, we should be together" and he had my pants off by then, and raped me.. (the rest is a memory blank).
The next day he was calling me names at the breakfast table. Idk why no one stood up for me . I went home that day, and never contacted my dad for another 8 years.. Anytime by boyfriend (now fiancé) or anyone else asked about my dad I just said he was an ******* and they drink too much.. I finally told my fiancé about 5 years ago what happened.
Then I got pregnant, and my dad is his only grandpa, besides my own 86 year old grandpa. And so I got the urge to get my dad back into my life.. I contacted him, and we've been working on re-establishing a relationship since then.. My son is now 2.
Problem is, our relationship is very strained, there's always this "elephant in the room" feeling.. I never told him what happened.. As a result, my dad and his wife isn't close with me and my son, like he is with the rest of their kids/grandkids. My fiancé doesn't think I should say anything to my dad, but how can we ever have a good relationship with this elephant in the room? P.s. I also posted this in another forum, but someone mentioned on someone elses post that this forum has more active members.
Anyways, one weekend while I was there (I was 18 by then), I was drinking and doing drugs with my step-brother (I know, bad, but I was a teen lol) and we were playing pool and having fun, I was really starting to feel "accepted".. Anyways, I was wasted by bed time, and so was he.. My half-brother was asleep on top bunk-bed, he had lower bunk-bed, I made a bed on the floor.. Suddenly he jumped out of bed and on top of me, holding my arms down with one hand, he was straddling me so I couldn't move, and he started pulling my pants off with the other hand, and using his feet.. Saying things like, "we are meant for each other, I love you, your so beautiful" while I was yelling "stop, stop, your my brother, this isn't right" and he was saying "I'm not your brother, I never will be your brother, we should be together" and he had my pants off by then, and raped me.. (the rest is a memory blank).
The next day he was calling me names at the breakfast table. Idk why no one stood up for me . I went home that day, and never contacted my dad for another 8 years.. Anytime by boyfriend (now fiancé) or anyone else asked about my dad I just said he was an ******* and they drink too much.. I finally told my fiancé about 5 years ago what happened.
Then I got pregnant, and my dad is his only grandpa, besides my own 86 year old grandpa. And so I got the urge to get my dad back into my life.. I contacted him, and we've been working on re-establishing a relationship since then.. My son is now 2.
Problem is, our relationship is very strained, there's always this "elephant in the room" feeling.. I never told him what happened.. As a result, my dad and his wife isn't close with me and my son, like he is with the rest of their kids/grandkids. My fiancé doesn't think I should say anything to my dad, but how can we ever have a good relationship with this elephant in the room? P.s. I also posted this in another forum, but someone mentioned on someone elses post that this forum has more active members.
its just so wrong tho for you to feel this way...your dad wasnt in your life for 16 yrs..HE..should be trying to be a part of your life..not the other way round...you dont need to do anything..your dad had his chance and he knows where you are i assume to find you...give everything to your baby...i say this from experience also...im 38..i got in touch with my dad just over a year ago..i didnt go thru what u did by no means..but i didnt see my dad from when i was 2....and he let me down all over again...i didnt need him all my life and i certainly dont need him now...he owes me..i owe him nothing and you owe your dad nothing too.......
Thank-you both again, I am starting to wonder if having a relationship is worth it.. As it was pointed out.. Why hadn't he sought me out? Didn't he wonder WHY I disappeared for so long? And what happens when my son is older and wants to spend the night? Hear I am mourning the fact that my dad is close to all his other grandkids and they all spend the night, and he doesnt spend much time with my son, and they havent "connected". It never occurrd to me that.. I would prolly have a problem with my son spending time there without me being there..
of course you feel uncomfortable… there has never been a discussion. Perhaps if you were to discuss what happened you would become comfortable… without addressing the issue you can only assume the worst (to protect your son).
is your step brother in your fathers life? If so, doesnt it bother you knowing that your father gets along with your rapist…. or that your rapist associates with the father of the girl he raped… (?)
does the disconnect transfer onto the relationships between your son and his cousins as well?
This may seem blunt, but your reasoning for not telling your father what happened are typical of victims… protecting others feelings and viewing themselves as the source of the conflict that could arise should they tell.
I understand why you dont want to 'create waves' … but it seems that comes with a great scarifies. nevertheless, tuff situation.
is your step brother in your fathers life? If so, doesnt it bother you knowing that your father gets along with your rapist…. or that your rapist associates with the father of the girl he raped… (?)
does the disconnect transfer onto the relationships between your son and his cousins as well?
This may seem blunt, but your reasoning for not telling your father what happened are typical of victims… protecting others feelings and viewing themselves as the source of the conflict that could arise should they tell.
I understand why you dont want to 'create waves' … but it seems that comes with a great scarifies. nevertheless, tuff situation.
i honestly think its a no win situation..if u tell your dad there will be uproar and friction and rightly so coz this so called step brother should be brought to justice...but if u say nothing then how could u continue life with these people.....just try concentrate on yourself for now and take time to think about it....but what he did to you should not go unpunished also....it must be so hard for you...nobody can tell you what to do but do not carry on with these people like nothing ever happend...its one way or another...i wish you all the best...
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