Complicated situation, but I'll simplify as well as I can.
My bf and I have been together for just over two years, and we talked for only a couple of months before hooking up. He was just coming out of a seven year marriage that had alot of problems, I'd never had a relationship (despite my age, at the time 24 going on 25). Between when we started talking and right before he first came to see me (we just talked online and via text the first couple months) his mother lost her battle with cancer. So right there his marriage ended, he lost his mother and we started talking, all in a few short months.
In the beginning, things were awesome. We'd talk for hours about random things, and then after we "hooked up" the sex was amazing. We had only been together about two months when him and his two daughters spent a week camping with me and my mother. At the end of the camping trip he came home to find that his younger sister (they were all living with his dad, and he now had summer custody of his girls) had run off and left him with no one to help him with his kids, so I started staying over, and ended up never leaving. We hadn't planned on moving in together until I'd found a job and we were on our feet, but at the time it seemed the best thing to do, to help him, as I'd nothing else going on really.
In November of that year, he proposed, though we never made plans for an actual wedding, him being leery of taking that plunge again, and I not wanting to push him (never been fussed about being married anyway). But he got me a simple ring, and I've worn it every day since.
Over the time from then to now, we've been given his parent's place, his dad couldn't stand being here anymore. The house was in a state of really gross unkemptness, and his mom was a major packrat, so we had alot of cleaning up/out to do. His sister came back, got a job, but as she doesn't drive (refuses to even try) and I still didn't have a job, I started driving her to work and whatnot.
In the beginning, I KNEW that part of his and his ex's problems were her lack of being much of a housekeeper, and I also told him I'm **** about housekeeping too, but told him I'd try to keep up with it since he works and I don't.
Right now, I drive him and her both around, take care of his children when we have them, cook and do a bit of cleaning. I feel like my life revolves around everyone else's schedules, and many days I don't even want to get out of bed, but I do because I love him and want to do what I can. Unfortunately this mood or whatever has caused me to let the housework slip, badly. It's not beyond catching up with, just take a few days to do it without killing myself trying.
Over the past month or so, he's gotten to where he doesn't touch me (i'm not talking just sex, I'm talking hugs, kisses, or any of the ways he used to touch me, he doesn't say I love you first most of the time, etc). I finally asked him what was wrong a week or so ago, and he started out with something about he thought I was mad at him, then something about he thought I was hiding something from him because I minimized a YIM chat window just as he sat down next to me (btw, his wife "cheated" with someone online is what the final straw there was) and then he blew up into how he felt that I was taking advantage of him like she did, cause he worked all the time and the house was a mess, etc.
I, being the emotional wreck I have been for some time, cried. Alot. Actually i've been crying alot for the last couple of weeks.
I told him I was sorry, I tried explaining how I feel, and I told him I'd get it cleaned back up, but that I needed him to stop just throwing things down when he comes in etc. And I have been working on it, I don't have much space to put things (it's a small place and currently we do have my sister, her husband and hteir three young children living with us) but I'm working on it.
But he still acts like he doesn't care for me anymore. I have to ask for kisses or hugs, and he gives them, but it feels half hearted at best to me. he's talking to me more, though not about anything important (we both play WoW, and it's mostly that). I ask him if everything's ok, and he says yeah, but it doesn't feel that way to me.
Also, I was on the Pill, but am off it due to blood pressure issues, and he's been "running" with this older lady in the game lately, and not me, but he says he doesn't have a thing for her, but it doesn't feel that way to me.
I'm sorry for the long ramble, I just don't know what to do, whether I'm being overly paranoid about his relationship with her, if things really are ok and I'm just such an emotional wreck that I'm reading things into his words/actions that aren't there, if maybe he's upset about something else and that's why he's so distant right how (it would have been his mom's birthday this month...and his job may be in jeapardy by the end of the year) and he's just not talking to me (we have had short periods similar to this, but that accusation of me hiding something from him really hurt, and has never happened before).
Does anyone (if anyone has read all this, heh) have any words of wisdom, comfort or anything? I'm about at my wits end, and have no idea what to do. It's been suggested that I go to a clinic about the depression, (though some have suggested I'm bi-polar), or try to go back to school, or just give up my old-fashoned idea of being home in the evenings and weekends to spend with my family and just get a job, any job (money is a bit of a problem) but I don't know if we'd survive never seeing eachother either.
I just really don't know what to do or say anymore. I'm sliding off the last two inches of my rope, and it looks like a long drop to a bottom filled with broken glass.