I have been dating this girl on and off for about 4 months. It has been really a weird relationship as she has a very troubled past. We would go out and have fun the 1st few months but all her contacts with me revolved around when and where we were going out. It seemed for a very long time, I was that person that she "used" to take her out. When we would go out, she would hold my hand, sneak in brief kisses but it never got any further.
Even when we would go home, she would just fall asleep without acknowledging my sexual desires for her. While sex usually happened naturally in my prior relationships, I found myself asking for it the 1st time in my life. She turned me down several times citing that she has yet to be comfortable with me, or that she is afraid that I would leave her after the deed like many guys did before...
A few weeks later, after repeated casual arguments and for her refusal to commit to a relationship, I left her. She waited 10 days and called me and asked if I wanted to hang out. I let my guards down and agreed to go out with her and that night was the 1st night we had sex. i honestly felt it was pity sex and she had sex with me so she can keep me close and so I wouldn't walk out on her again.
Anyways, we kept going out and got closer although she never committed to a "relationship". It felt like while she enjoyed being around me and didn't wanna lose me, she wanted to keep her options open.
It also must be noted that I am totally different (in both looks and personality) from the guys she has been with. I was probably the 1st guy she's ever been with that had a stable life. She also referred to me as "pretty boy"!
We started having sex more often (about twice a week) and her desires for me in bed kept getting better (the first few times were absolutely terrible from her end).
Last week, since she doesn't drive, she asked to borrow my car. She knows how much I cared about the car and that I would never let anyone borrow it but she insisted. I knew she had several matters to resolve that day including meetings with her lawyer, doctor and Christmas shopping and I was working all day so I couldn't drive her around. I kept saying that I still don't trust her and she assured me that no one would ride with her and that she would strictly drive it for the aforementioned reasons and would drop it off as soon as I come home. So I reluctantly relented.
She borrowed the car and pretty much texted me every hour to comfort me that she was fine.
However, an hour before she was supposed to drop it off in the evening, she called me to say that she was exhausted and that she would drop off the car in the morning. It was very suspicious but in case she wasn't lying, I sure didn't want her driving tired and in the dark considering she isn't an experienced driver.
My suspicions took the best of me and I had a friend drive me by her house a couple of miles away. My fears came true as my car wasn't there. I immediately called her and asked her where she was and she, again, assured me that she was sleeping in her bed.
Knowing that she lied to me, my primary goal was to get the car back. My friend advised me not to start any commotion and just wait it out till the morning.
She dropped off the car in the morning and I again asked her where she spent the night. She again reaffirmed that she was at her house and she firmly stood by that stance. I didn't say a word to her, dropped her off, she said "call me later" to which I said "don't hold your breath". I texted her later to tell her that she was scum to borrow my car to spend the night at some dude's house (which is what I suspected). She maintained her stance that the car was parked on the driveway (which is a total lie) (I also noticed she had pajamas stuffed in a bag in the morning).
To top it all off, she left a makeup bag in the backseat (which to me signaled a night of partying) and was frantically texting to get it back. I never responded to her texts and called her mom to let her know that I would be dropping it off in 2 days.
She texted me again to say that she is "tired of my insecure azz" and that she wasn't at some dude's house!
She couldn't wait for me to drop off her bag and had her mom drive her to my house to get it, which also served as an opportunity to give me my Christmas present. We didn't talk at all and she probably wondered why she wasn't getting the presents she knew I bought her (and which I promptly returned).
While I told myself not to respond to her texts or calls (I honeslty feel hate for her right now and feel betrayed and duped), I responded to her "Merry Christmas" text but I am sure, knowing her, there will be several more texts to try to reel me back in. How should I respond to these texts knowing that I have strong feelings for her?
Should I respond and be short? should I agree to go out with her again to only be let down a couple of weeks later? should I totally ignore her?
Thanks and sorry this was so long!
your note was completely inappropriate and you have NO business calling me names. You were reported.
You have zero proof she stayed at another man's house. None. For all you know she could have parked around the block, down the street or in a garage. She could have stayed at a friends house. Why she would lie who knows. You seem overbearing and slightly creepy. I'd probably lie as well. I leave my make up bag in the car all the time. I always do it on my way to or at work or on my way to wherever I am going. Why? I don't have time in the morning. And how do you know that was her bag? Her pajamas? It could have been a female friends. My friends leave their crap in my car all the time. If I pick something up there are times I just forget to grab it out of the car. There are reasons as to why those things were in the car. And it's extremely stalkerish to have friends drive by her house/apartment/whatever she lives in.
From your description of the relationship, it seems to have numerous levels of dysfunction. Critical to any relationship is trust and communication. From analyzing the first 2-3 paragraphs, it seems as if you both had an idea on where the relationship should be going, but neither were on the same page. (I recently learned the difference between talking and communication.... turns out there is a difference)
Trust.... sounds as if she didnt trust you regarding her feelings concerning sex, and you were apprehensive about loaning the car to her.... ( I get that... not a big fan of loaning my car to even my closest of friends) Her taking the car and then failing to return it at the time you both agreed upon only reinforces the lack of trust, or validates it if you will. As for what happened in regards to your suspicions, at this point they are just that, and we are right back with trust issues. (The person above talked that the bag that was left in the car is a possibility.... remote, but still possible.)
Out of respect, if I were to borrow another's vehicle... the vehicle would come back on time, completely refueled, and in better cosmetic shape that I borrowed it in.
There is a lot of back and forth here, man. At this point I would end the relationship. No need to be offensive, just tell her that it's time to call it quits.... just spilt the sheets and everyone walks away.
Coming in late on this (had lots going on over the holiday) but remember the previous posts and our communication.
I think sometimes our gut can tell us things and yours told you something that was confirmed by a lie she told. There were other issues as well. I can tell that even though some are reading this like you weren't nice to her, I think overall you were and have feelings for her----------- so this must be painful. I do think that some relationships are just not meant to be. I think that this lady has had a lot go on, enough so that she may never really be the greatest partner. I see a lot of push/pull going on---------- and I just think that you are going to be happier taking a break from all dating and trying again in the near future with someone else. I really do.
I think there were red flags all over the place and you continued with the relationship anyway. I also think it intensely rude for her to borrow your car and not return it in a timely manner. I think I would have been upset as well. And I probably would have done a driveby as well also. However, your response to her was rude, which is understandable under the circumstances. I think it is clear tho that you two are not compatible in any way shape or form and you need to find someone who better suits you. She is not the one, sounds like trouble and best left in the past.
Thank you all for the responses. Yes, I did come to the realization that it would be best for us to split. There are just way too many compatibility issues and any attempt to reconcile will in no doubt result in more heartaches and further breakups.
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