Should I Stay

[meekie2010]

My BF and I have been living together for 11 years and we have 2 kids together.  He is a good man for the most part, but we argue non stop.  I dont feel like I am in love with him anymore but he constantly tells me he loves me and I am pretty sure that he does.  But the sex is awful has been for years.  For the past 7 years or so I pretty much try to avoid sex because I hate it.  In the beginning of the relationship I thought that I would be able to deal with the fact that the sex was no good becasue he had so many other good qualities, but I dont think I can.  I started having an affair about 3 years ago with my ex and my BF found out about 4 months ago.  I have not been with my ex since.  My BF would like for us to get past this and get married but I dont think I can.  I mean being honest with myself I am miserable and have been for quite some time now.  I dont think its good to stay just for the kids if I am truly unhappy, but at the same time I am afraid that I will regret leaving and end up with just a good sex partner and not a true committed relationship or husband.  Am I shallow for wanting to end the relationship in search of good loving of course this is not all that i am looking for in a partner, but I have come to realize that it is important.  Do you think I can fall a love again with my BF and have good sex with counseling?  Or should I just move on and put is both out of our misery.? The sex is not the only reason that I would like to move on but its a very big part.  Should I move on or try to get help to work on my current relationship?

[mami1323]

You know, I just want to say this first, lately I've seen these non-stop posts about a person being unhappy in their relationship and the answer to their unhappiness is by cheating on their partner.  I'm just so saddened by this.  I've been a victim of infidelity and it was the most hurtful and life altering experience I ever went through.  It completely changed me as a person and really crushed me to my very soul.  I'm not saying I won't give the best advice possible, but I don't think people really understand the magnitude cheating has on a person.  It's so selfish and so unnecessary.  I feel if you are so unhappy than leave the relationship and pursue other people who will meet your needs better.  Now on to your question about should you work it out or move on.  Well that's your call, can you live in a relationship where you feel the sex is inadequate?  Here's the thing, how could your boyfriend know that he wasn't satisfying you?  Did you communicate it to him?  Perhaps he was never taught how to please a woman.  Can you work with him on how to do this?  I feel your boyfriend deserves to be treated better.  If he is a great guy he deserves someone who will appreciate that.  Perhaps there will be someone out there that can fulfill all your needs, maybe there isn't.  No one can tell you there is.  You have to either take that chance and see what else is out there or you can try your hardest to work through your issues with your current boyfriend.  Maybe try taking him to some sex seminars.  I think it's unfair to stay with him if you know you won't be able to remain faithful.

[jo929]

If all you care about is sex by all means leave and then you will get tired of the next one leave him and just keep going there is more to marriage than sex why did you have children with this man there are birt control things out there, i hear this every day i am not happy the sex is not good i have cheated bla bla bla why did you start a relationship with him in the first place of you did not intend to follow through grow up the grass is not greener on the other side ask the ones that have cheated  jo

[Judy246]

Remember that he is also the father of your children and you don't want to bring another man home too soon. If you are no longer in love with your b/f, the be honest with him and yourself and break up, but you have invested 11 yrs. of your life, is the father of your children and loves you. I think it's a great idea to tell him the truth that he is just not satisfying you in the bedroom and if he is willing to see a counselor or sex counselor. They are trained professionals that will get down to the bottom of the real problems in the relationship. Remember, the grass sometimes is not greener on the other side, so proceed with caution!  Good Luck, Judy

[Judy246]

p.s....your lucky he forgave you, because many men wouldn't have forgiven infidelity. Food for though!