Aa
Should I be upset?
So I am just wondering if I am over reacting or what... This weekend was my fiance's birthday and a few of this aunts were there and they took a "family" picture, yet asked me to take the picture. I was never asked to get in the picture or anything, they all just acted like I'm not a part of the family or anything. I am upset about this, should I be?
I will not convert to Catholicism, ever and he knows and will never ask me to do so. I don't mind learning spanish and my fiance has been teaching me some. My fiance and I will raise our children in whatever way WE wish not his parents and not mine either. So either they will deal with everything or be pushed out of our lives and my fiance has almost dont that on his own without my infulence so I don't think it would be that upseting to him. I want my kids to have both sets of grandparents but they will never tell me how to raise my children.
Mrs. Ockert, my husband is from England, but there really are not cultural issues. There is another woman who replied to a similar thread whose in-laws don't speak English around her--maybe you are thinking of her?
K1990, they aren't going to change as a result of you sulking and your boyfriend occasionally telling them to be nice to you. Like I said, what you see now is a preview of life to come. Wait until you have kids--they will want their grandchildren, their son's children, to practice their religion and be a part of their culture. And don't be foolish enough to think that your boyfriend will be strong enough to walk away from them. He will get pulled in more closely to them. The importance of family intensifies when you have children--you'll be the odd man out or you will be in a game of tug-of-war with your in-laws, with their son as the rope.
He's not standing up to them very strongly because he won't be blatantly disrespectful to his parents. Have you ever REALLY researched his culture? I suggested in a previous post that you do that and you really should. Things are supposed to be certain ways according to them and you just don't sound like you will ever fit in if you don't find out what it is that you need to do to fit in and truly try to do that. And that may mean converting to Catholicism and learning Spanish. Whether or not you make the effort to fit in depends on how easy you want your life to be and how much you love your boyfriend--you either conform and fit in with them, or you spend your life being angry over things they say and do with a man who is constantly in pain because he's always being torn between his wife and his parents. If you want to have a happy life with him, you need to learn to fit in. Waiting for them to finally love and accept you and waiting for your boyfriend to stand up to them and follow through (be decent to my wife or we are both out of your lives) is not only unreasonable, it's unfair to your boyfriend to expect that.
When you are young and in love, you really think that that is all that matters--your love and the two of you as a couple. When I was much younger, my then-fiancé (not the man I eventually married, by the way) was not embraced by my family, but I didn't care--we were in love and happy and that's all that mattered. As time when on and the conflicts between my family members and him intensified, I remember thinking, "If we lived alone on a deserted island, this would work out perfectly." That's when I knew it wasn't going to work. That crazy "all you need is love" feeling was fading and I was seeing my future more clearly. I'm not saying it has to be that way for you, but it was for me because my fiancé was never going to do what he needed to do to fit into my family--to get them to embrace him. So I ended it.
Just think long and hard about all the replies from all the different posters to all your different posts. They are all pretty much telling you the same thing.
K1990, they aren't going to change as a result of you sulking and your boyfriend occasionally telling them to be nice to you. Like I said, what you see now is a preview of life to come. Wait until you have kids--they will want their grandchildren, their son's children, to practice their religion and be a part of their culture. And don't be foolish enough to think that your boyfriend will be strong enough to walk away from them. He will get pulled in more closely to them. The importance of family intensifies when you have children--you'll be the odd man out or you will be in a game of tug-of-war with your in-laws, with their son as the rope.
He's not standing up to them very strongly because he won't be blatantly disrespectful to his parents. Have you ever REALLY researched his culture? I suggested in a previous post that you do that and you really should. Things are supposed to be certain ways according to them and you just don't sound like you will ever fit in if you don't find out what it is that you need to do to fit in and truly try to do that. And that may mean converting to Catholicism and learning Spanish. Whether or not you make the effort to fit in depends on how easy you want your life to be and how much you love your boyfriend--you either conform and fit in with them, or you spend your life being angry over things they say and do with a man who is constantly in pain because he's always being torn between his wife and his parents. If you want to have a happy life with him, you need to learn to fit in. Waiting for them to finally love and accept you and waiting for your boyfriend to stand up to them and follow through (be decent to my wife or we are both out of your lives) is not only unreasonable, it's unfair to your boyfriend to expect that.
When you are young and in love, you really think that that is all that matters--your love and the two of you as a couple. When I was much younger, my then-fiancé (not the man I eventually married, by the way) was not embraced by my family, but I didn't care--we were in love and happy and that's all that mattered. As time when on and the conflicts between my family members and him intensified, I remember thinking, "If we lived alone on a deserted island, this would work out perfectly." That's when I knew it wasn't going to work. That crazy "all you need is love" feeling was fading and I was seeing my future more clearly. I'm not saying it has to be that way for you, but it was for me because my fiancé was never going to do what he needed to do to fit into my family--to get them to embrace him. So I ended it.
Just think long and hard about all the replies from all the different posters to all your different posts. They are all pretty much telling you the same thing.
i do not want to hurt your feelings, but a fiance is not family unti the knot is tied luck jo
Yes, you have a right to be upset. It was completely insensitive of them not to include you in any of the photos. It was your fiancé's job to include you and make them.
Please accept my apologies. There is another young girl on here and it was her that posted. I got the two of you confused. It happens when you get old. :)
I imagine the best advice you'll get is from Agiesmom when she says this is a snapshot of the rest of your life. She's living a bi-cultural familial situation and isn't easy for her. It hasn't been easy for you either and as much as you love your fiance and he you ... it will be difficult for him to stand up to his mother on your behalf.
I imagine the best advice you'll get is from Agiesmom when she says this is a snapshot of the rest of your life. She's living a bi-cultural familial situation and isn't easy for her. It hasn't been easy for you either and as much as you love your fiance and he you ... it will be difficult for him to stand up to his mother on your behalf.
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