Should I be upset?

[K1990]

So I am just wondering if I am over reacting or what...  This weekend was my fiance's birthday and a few of this aunts were there and they took a "family" picture, yet asked me to take the picture.  I was never asked to get in the picture or anything, they all just acted like I'm not a part of the family or anything.  I am upset about this, should I be?

[K1990]

Mrsockert~ I have never posted anything on the bipolar forum, you might want to check again.

I have tried to be a part of this family, I asked his mom if she would teach me how to make a dessert I liked and she helped me and everything but after that it was like it didn't happen and she went to not caring again.  It is hard to share stories and laugh with his parents because at home they mainly speak spanish and although I understand a lot, it is hard for me to speak it.  I can talk to them in English and once my story is over they are back to Spanish... My fiance has said something once and they never did a thing to change.  I've asked him to say something again but he always says he will but doesnt...

[MrsOckert]

You ended your questions I am upset about this, should I be?  Several answers said you shouldn't, several said you should.

You aren't going to follow our advice.  You are going to choose how you feel and react to these situations.

You posted a question on the bipolar forum about being needy and driving your boyfriend away.  Could it be his family recognizes this in you and has valid reasons for not wanting to encourage the relationship between the two of you?  It may have nothing at all to do with your not going to church or being of his race.

Maybe they just don't think you two are well suited for one another for life.

[jenstam]

Yes, Agiesmom is right. This is how it will be, unless you can ask your fiance' to step in and speak for you. I don't think it would be wise to do it yourself, it might push them away further. If their son loves you, that is what should matter. That is family-to accept and love the ones who are chosen to be a part of the family also. It must be hurtful to not be recognized. You can't make them do that, but it would be nice if they did. Maybe you could do it to them, recognize their birthday, get in there and help with meals that are being prepared, etc, etc...just join in and be a part of the family. Maybe they will see your effort and willingness to belong. That's what I do (: Making family meals, including set up and clean up, getting to know nieces and nephews, sharing stories and laughter with the family. It goes both ways, but sometimes you have to put your foot forward. Let it be known that you wish to be a part of the family.

Good luck (:

[Agiesmom]

This is a snapshot into the rest of your life if you marry your fiance.

[K1990]

And I agree that if you are engaged you ARE family.  They don't ever include me in anything so I guess I'm not surprised but the last time this happened I told my fiance I was upset and he said he was sorry and that it was his fault he should have just grabbed me to be in it.  His family makes it very hard to like them, his aunts are nicer to me than his own parents.  

Jenshim~ His dad is a decon and I think that is the reason they shut me out because I dont go to church and I'm not of their race.  I don't even think his parents know when my birthday is.  My parents welcome my fiance with open arms and love him and always gives me a card and present on his birthday and he gets things at Christmas but him parents don't even say happy birthday or merry chirstmas to me on those days.  It makes it really hard.

[jenstam]

Did you mention this to your fiance? What is his take on it? I am engaged. My fiance has a large family. We have a son together and I have four daughters from my previous marriage. WE are family. All of us. In family pictures, we are included. They have a picture of all of us up on the mantle with the rest of the family. His Dad is a pastor, their family is very religious, yet they have never made me feel out of place or not a part of their family. I guess it just depends on the family. I got a card from my fiance's mother last year on my birthday. It said "Thank you for loving our Ben." They recognize that I truly, deeply love their son and that he is happy. That is family.