Aa
Should I end it? If so, how do I do it?
I'm hoping someone can help me...although I know it's only me who can get to the bottom of this. Here it goes. This is very hard for me but I don't want to hurt anymore and I definitely don't want to hurt my girlfriend anymore. We've dated 7 years - 7 beautiful years. The problem is we've grown apart and it seems like we're more like friends than in a real relationship. In fact, sadly I've cheated on her and I hate myself everyday for it...the problem is I can't stop and don't know that I ever will. I thought for sure that I wanted to marry her and I know I'm only lying to myself and her at the same time. The problem is I can't break up with her...it's like I'm so selfish and I just keep her around. I don't know if it's because I'm afraid of change, or afraid to hurt her or that I'll never find love again...I just know that something is not right in our relationship anymore. I love her to death but I don't think I'm IN LOVE with her anymore. I just don't feel the same way that I used to feel but at the same time I don't want to lose her. I don't know what's wrong with me. She deserves better than me? She deserves someone who should love her the way she deserves to be loved. I want so badly to be that person but I just know that it will never be that way again...and what's frustrating about it is that I don't know why. Everyone tells me that I just need to break up with her but it's so much easier said than done. We've been through a lot over the past couple of weeks and now would just be horrible timing to call it off. I've found a girl that really makes me happy and we just clicked from the beginning and that scares me because I don't know if it's fake or if it's a sign that it's time to end it with my girlfriend. I hate myself so much and I don't think I deserve happiness for what I've done. I feel like a jerk, I never wanted to be "that guy." Part of me wants to be with her so bad. SO BAD! Sadly, part of me doesn't know what I want anymore. She has such a beautiful heart and would never do anything like this to me. This has just hurt way to long and I don't know where else to go and what else to do. I'm hoping someone can please help me. What should I do?
Thanks.
Thanks.
I agree with Barn Babe, go talk to someone face to face about what you are going through. Universities offer confidential, mental health counseling through their counseling centers. They usually offer free services to the community. Google your nearest university, and you can easily find this information.
I think it's interesting that you keep coming back to this thread. I think you need to take some time and figure things out. You are a young man, and this doesn't have to be the way you live your life. You can find happiness. You don't have to be in relationship, or you can choose to be in one that does not create so much guilt for you. It is obvious that you feel a lot of discomfort with the lying, so stop doing it. You'll feel better once you start living your life out in the open. I wish you the best of luck.
I think it's interesting that you keep coming back to this thread. I think you need to take some time and figure things out. You are a young man, and this doesn't have to be the way you live your life. You can find happiness. You don't have to be in relationship, or you can choose to be in one that does not create so much guilt for you. It is obvious that you feel a lot of discomfort with the lying, so stop doing it. You'll feel better once you start living your life out in the open. I wish you the best of luck.
Okay, NOW we may be bordering on some kind of sexual addiction here. This guy is in denial big-time about his behavior. I keep seeing lines like "I have a girlfriend who I would never want to harm."
BadDay, get some professional help. The HIV posts are really disturbing. You are clearly suffering from an anxiety disorder around a fear of contracting HIV. But also bothersome is your behavior with apparently many different sex partners without your "long-time" girlfriend knowing about it. You could possibly have a sex addiction.
There's no shame in getting psychological help for your problems. But you've obviously gone beyond what can be offered on a medical website with a bunch of Internet yahoos offering you "advice." You need professional counseling in the real world. I think the guilt and anxiety are keeping you hooked into this website (and possibly others) and preventing you from getting the help you need. Step away from the computer and call a therapist. I would go with a cognitive-behavioral therapist if I were you. I think they are good with the addiction-related behaviors more so than the psychodynamic (all talk) therapists.
If you can't find one in your local area, perhaps on sliding scale if you have no money, then call the local public health department and they should give you some names. You are not going to "get better" or get rid of your anxiety and solve the other issues hanging around here. It's just not going to happen.
I'll go out on a limb here and say that it is highly DOUBTFUL that YOU CAN DO THS ALONE. You need help. So go out and get it.
BadDay, get some professional help. The HIV posts are really disturbing. You are clearly suffering from an anxiety disorder around a fear of contracting HIV. But also bothersome is your behavior with apparently many different sex partners without your "long-time" girlfriend knowing about it. You could possibly have a sex addiction.
There's no shame in getting psychological help for your problems. But you've obviously gone beyond what can be offered on a medical website with a bunch of Internet yahoos offering you "advice." You need professional counseling in the real world. I think the guilt and anxiety are keeping you hooked into this website (and possibly others) and preventing you from getting the help you need. Step away from the computer and call a therapist. I would go with a cognitive-behavioral therapist if I were you. I think they are good with the addiction-related behaviors more so than the psychodynamic (all talk) therapists.
If you can't find one in your local area, perhaps on sliding scale if you have no money, then call the local public health department and they should give you some names. You are not going to "get better" or get rid of your anxiety and solve the other issues hanging around here. It's just not going to happen.
I'll go out on a limb here and say that it is highly DOUBTFUL that YOU CAN DO THS ALONE. You need help. So go out and get it.
it's all over the anxiety and hiv forums. i have no interest in arguing with you. funny how you repeatedly lash out with name calling though. i could have sworn you said you knew what you needed to do and were just going to handle it on your own or something to that effect.
i am not going to look through the three pages you posted as BadDay1972 or the other couple as iknowihaveit again to show you what i saw. if i, for some odd reason had a glitch and misspoke, because i pulled a thread from someone else, which i doubt, but computers do ocassionally screw up, i apologize. but in all honesty, it does not matter. you asked advice on your situation with your girlfriend. you did not give all the facts. you mentioned one girl you clicked with, but the fact is there have been several. you talk about fear of hiv, but are still with your girlfriend, and i hope are using protection, at least for her sake.
we gave you advice. you don't have to like it. but it is what it is.
she deserves to know what you have been doing, you need more therapy than you are getting, and hopefully you listen to their advice better than you do here.
it is evident that you don't find what you want anywhere here and have been banned at least once, possibly twice already, so why not move on?
i'm done with you. call names. scream. kick..whatever suits you.. i'll treat you just like any other child throwing a tantrum and ignore you.
i genuinely do hope all works out well, you don't have a disease and you fix yourself............somehow, i just doubt that'll happen
i am not going to look through the three pages you posted as BadDay1972 or the other couple as iknowihaveit again to show you what i saw. if i, for some odd reason had a glitch and misspoke, because i pulled a thread from someone else, which i doubt, but computers do ocassionally screw up, i apologize. but in all honesty, it does not matter. you asked advice on your situation with your girlfriend. you did not give all the facts. you mentioned one girl you clicked with, but the fact is there have been several. you talk about fear of hiv, but are still with your girlfriend, and i hope are using protection, at least for her sake.
we gave you advice. you don't have to like it. but it is what it is.
she deserves to know what you have been doing, you need more therapy than you are getting, and hopefully you listen to their advice better than you do here.
it is evident that you don't find what you want anywhere here and have been banned at least once, possibly twice already, so why not move on?
i'm done with you. call names. scream. kick..whatever suits you.. i'll treat you just like any other child throwing a tantrum and ignore you.
i genuinely do hope all works out well, you don't have a disease and you fix yourself............somehow, i just doubt that'll happen
Is stripper in Vegas kissed me! Does that sound like vaginal sex with a prostitute idiot!? Again...get your facts right before you post ok
this is what he posted in repsonse to someones comment in the HIV Forum... he talks about having a girlfriend for 7 years! sounds like your the same guy to me and everyone did type in badday1972 and found out who you really are!!
BadDay1972
4/3/2007
C3 Concerned84 Come on now man...not to comforting when you have a girlfriend of 7 years who you would NEVER want to harm! Just hope you don't have it? I hope I don't have a lot of s.h.i.t. but with my prior symptoms this seems a little more "real" if you know what I mean. It seems like I had the most intense symptoms out of everyone that's been on this forum lately yet I'm "crazy" of my so called "no risk" situation even though HIV through deep kissing has occurred...Seems a little harsh to me.
BadDay1972
4/3/2007
C3 Concerned84 Come on now man...not to comforting when you have a girlfriend of 7 years who you would NEVER want to harm! Just hope you don't have it? I hope I don't have a lot of s.h.i.t. but with my prior symptoms this seems a little more "real" if you know what I mean. It seems like I had the most intense symptoms out of everyone that's been on this forum lately yet I'm "crazy" of my so called "no risk" situation even though HIV through deep kissing has occurred...Seems a little harsh to me.
Brothel? what the hell is a brothel? I don't even know what that is. go ahead and post that thread with the nickname...i wouldn't even know where the hell to pick up a prostitute. Where the hell are you weirdos getting this s.h.i.t. from is what i wanna know? try typing in badday1972 in the search not just badday ok. You people need to get your facts right before you start accusing me of anything. Wow! i can't believe i'm having to explain myself like this.
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