Aa
Should I end it? If so, how do I do it?
I'm hoping someone can help me...although I know it's only me who can get to the bottom of this. Here it goes. This is very hard for me but I don't want to hurt anymore and I definitely don't want to hurt my girlfriend anymore. We've dated 7 years - 7 beautiful years. The problem is we've grown apart and it seems like we're more like friends than in a real relationship. In fact, sadly I've cheated on her and I hate myself everyday for it...the problem is I can't stop and don't know that I ever will. I thought for sure that I wanted to marry her and I know I'm only lying to myself and her at the same time. The problem is I can't break up with her...it's like I'm so selfish and I just keep her around. I don't know if it's because I'm afraid of change, or afraid to hurt her or that I'll never find love again...I just know that something is not right in our relationship anymore. I love her to death but I don't think I'm IN LOVE with her anymore. I just don't feel the same way that I used to feel but at the same time I don't want to lose her. I don't know what's wrong with me. She deserves better than me? She deserves someone who should love her the way she deserves to be loved. I want so badly to be that person but I just know that it will never be that way again...and what's frustrating about it is that I don't know why. Everyone tells me that I just need to break up with her but it's so much easier said than done. We've been through a lot over the past couple of weeks and now would just be horrible timing to call it off. I've found a girl that really makes me happy and we just clicked from the beginning and that scares me because I don't know if it's fake or if it's a sign that it's time to end it with my girlfriend. I hate myself so much and I don't think I deserve happiness for what I've done. I feel like a jerk, I never wanted to be "that guy." Part of me wants to be with her so bad. SO BAD! Sadly, part of me doesn't know what I want anymore. She has such a beautiful heart and would never do anything like this to me. This has just hurt way to long and I don't know where else to go and what else to do. I'm hoping someone can please help me. What should I do?
Thanks.
Thanks.
*grins*
So, what do you REALLY think?
I'm with them, Bad. You need therapy if you ever want to have a chance at a normal, healthy relationship. If you are just wanting shallow, short term booty calls, there's plenty of that around. Just be clear with the girl first about where your head (the one 3 feet above your a$$) is.
So, what do you REALLY think?
I'm with them, Bad. You need therapy if you ever want to have a chance at a normal, healthy relationship. If you are just wanting shallow, short term booty calls, there's plenty of that around. Just be clear with the girl first about where your head (the one 3 feet above your a$$) is.
you come on here and tell us this BS but then!!! you want us to back off because you want to keep her and we dont know you!!!! you need more help than i thought. i wish i knew this poor gal, id tell her myself. you are the "dog" that women refer to. it has nothing to do with anything in ourselves, its the fact that you are a liar, cheater, self absorbed twit that thinks the world owes him something and has no responsiblity for his actions. cant believe you can actually sit here and justify your behaviour. you asked right up there in that title, should and how to end it! well we told you. i am biting my tongue right now! be a man.
C10: JohnnyV, it's not "rage" we are expressing here. At least on my part, it's not. When I read the OP's second post, I just shook my head. HIs denial is running pretty deep. It's all over both of his posts, but the second one especially just drips with it.
Guys like "BadDay" walk among us in droves, JohnnyV. They are out there working out their bad childhoods on unsuspecting women when they should be on a therapist's couch paying for professional help. I dated a few of them myself in my younger days. It's tough not to do if you are a single woman for an extended period of time in our culture. These guys are a dime a dozen, and generally not worth the paper their phone number is printed on.
The problem is that people go into adulthood and relationships with the baggage from their childhood not worked out. In the case of BadDay, he's been involved in a 7-year relationship from the time he was a teenager. Bad news, at least from the standpoint of getting his own psychological house in order. Why? Because relationships can often "distract" us from doing work on ourselves, and if the damage done to us in the past is sufficiently bad, the "right" partner won't be able to overcome that damage with their love and support. I do believe love and support can *help* make some people come to love themselves a little more and help them grow emotionally, but it can't do the heavy lifting that the person himself has to do on his own to undo some of the damage.
At the very least, BadDay has shown us he has neither the communication skill set nor the desire to operate on the level of a mature adult in his relationships - by openly communicating his concerns to his partner. As a result, he has two women along for the ride in his dysfunctional drama, is now suffering the blowback himself (supposedly) with guilt and self-loathing, yet feels paralyzed to change his behavior.
Nope. It's not "rage" I'm feeling. I'm a little bit amused by it all, frankly. Been there, done that, if you know what I mean. Sounds like you have, too. What I don't hear BadDay saying is that he is going to own his behavior and start making changes. I think he came on here looking for sympathy and got thrown for a loop when he didn't get it.
BTW, I'm sure there are plenty of women out there pulling this cr*p on men as well. Since I'm a straight female, I'm coming at this from my own viewpoint. And all I can tell you is, men like BadDay are more common than you think. And that's too bad.
Guys like "BadDay" walk among us in droves, JohnnyV. They are out there working out their bad childhoods on unsuspecting women when they should be on a therapist's couch paying for professional help. I dated a few of them myself in my younger days. It's tough not to do if you are a single woman for an extended period of time in our culture. These guys are a dime a dozen, and generally not worth the paper their phone number is printed on.
The problem is that people go into adulthood and relationships with the baggage from their childhood not worked out. In the case of BadDay, he's been involved in a 7-year relationship from the time he was a teenager. Bad news, at least from the standpoint of getting his own psychological house in order. Why? Because relationships can often "distract" us from doing work on ourselves, and if the damage done to us in the past is sufficiently bad, the "right" partner won't be able to overcome that damage with their love and support. I do believe love and support can *help* make some people come to love themselves a little more and help them grow emotionally, but it can't do the heavy lifting that the person himself has to do on his own to undo some of the damage.
At the very least, BadDay has shown us he has neither the communication skill set nor the desire to operate on the level of a mature adult in his relationships - by openly communicating his concerns to his partner. As a result, he has two women along for the ride in his dysfunctional drama, is now suffering the blowback himself (supposedly) with guilt and self-loathing, yet feels paralyzed to change his behavior.
Nope. It's not "rage" I'm feeling. I'm a little bit amused by it all, frankly. Been there, done that, if you know what I mean. Sounds like you have, too. What I don't hear BadDay saying is that he is going to own his behavior and start making changes. I think he came on here looking for sympathy and got thrown for a loop when he didn't get it.
BTW, I'm sure there are plenty of women out there pulling this cr*p on men as well. Since I'm a straight female, I'm coming at this from my own viewpoint. And all I can tell you is, men like BadDay are more common than you think. And that's too bad.
People, I'm stunned at the responses in this thread. There are an awful lot of bright women around this forum. I'm impressed with the strength I'm seeing here.
Nice work, ladies! :D
Nice work, ladies! :D
i needed that laugh, ***** sisters. with my anxiety flying high today, any small token of humor is so appreciated!!
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