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Should I tell his wife that I am pregnant?
I am pregnant by a man who is married, but he told me that he was not married. He lied to me, but one day I found out when we were on the phone and he slipped out and said, "hold on, my wife is on the phone." I was shocked and upset at the same time. I kept calling him asking him about it. He would go back and forth saying he is and he's not married. Well, I have never seen a ring, but that does not matter. I am not with him now, but I do want to tell his wife, because she found out where I lived and she and I had a huge argument. He just stood there quiet. She does not know I am pregnant by him, and I want to keep that a secret but then again, she is arguing with me and he is getting by while she is sayign nothing to him. What should I do?
Best Answer
COMMUNITY LEADER
Sadly, you find yourself in a difficult position. I wish there had been some clues that he was a taken man when you began sleeping with him but you say there weren't any. Now you are pregnant and that is that.
His wife is a complete victem. She does not deserve the injury of the other woman calling, texting her, etc.
He can file for custody all he wants to. You are the mother and unless there is some reason why you are unfit, why would the courts grant him custody over you? Sure, he may get visitation. And as the father, your child is going to want to know this man. You'll have to deal with him if he chooses to be in your child's life. And for your child's sake, you will want him to choose to be involved. Regardless, he should pay what is owed to support his child. And with all of this, his wife will know and what happens with their marriage will happen---- but you are not a part of it. You rise above and don't get involved in what goes on between them in dealing with the unfortunate situation of an unplanned pregnancy.
Do the right thing, is all I can say. Do the right thing by your baby by encouraging his involvement in the baby's life and financial support. Do the right thing by his wife who doesn't deserve to have the horrible pain this will cause delivered to her by the other woman. She'll find out, believe me. Let THEM deal with it. So, just do the right thing. good luck
His wife is a complete victem. She does not deserve the injury of the other woman calling, texting her, etc.
He can file for custody all he wants to. You are the mother and unless there is some reason why you are unfit, why would the courts grant him custody over you? Sure, he may get visitation. And as the father, your child is going to want to know this man. You'll have to deal with him if he chooses to be in your child's life. And for your child's sake, you will want him to choose to be involved. Regardless, he should pay what is owed to support his child. And with all of this, his wife will know and what happens with their marriage will happen---- but you are not a part of it. You rise above and don't get involved in what goes on between them in dealing with the unfortunate situation of an unplanned pregnancy.
Do the right thing, is all I can say. Do the right thing by your baby by encouraging his involvement in the baby's life and financial support. Do the right thing by his wife who doesn't deserve to have the horrible pain this will cause delivered to her by the other woman. She'll find out, believe me. Let THEM deal with it. So, just do the right thing. good luck
Yes I would want to know if I were the wife. But I know many women only blame the women and not the man at all, and I do not want to get the reprecussions from that. Also, many on here are telling em to file for child support. I have a friend who filed for child support for her baby that the father did not want. And because of child support, the father filed for custody. He got a good lawyer and lied on her in court and he got more custody than she has. Now she is still trying to fight it.
I am really scared to file for support. Nowadays, many men are filing for custody to avoid child support or to get back at the mother.
I am really scared to file for support. Nowadays, many men are filing for custody to avoid child support or to get back at the mother.
The only thing I would say is put yourself in the wifes shoes. Would u want to know? All the other things people r saying is correct make sure your baby is taking care of by getting child support. In my opinion I would ask him to tell her cause hopefully he can man up to what he did. However its really a decision u have to think about when u r clear minded and not.upset. But if it was me I would tell her so that would b out the way and I could enjoy my wonderful baby
I DIDN'T MEAN TO SELECT THIS ANSWER AS THE BEST ANSWER
I actually wanted to say that I disagree that kids are screwed up because of lack of a father. There are many people I know who had mon and dad, but are very screwed up. That is a myth.
But thank you all for your responses.
I actually wanted to say that I disagree that kids are screwed up because of lack of a father. There are many people I know who had mon and dad, but are very screwed up. That is a myth.
But thank you all for your responses.
If you plan on keeping the baby you should talk to him. You should also take into consideration whether or not you want him in the child's life. I don't think you should contact the wife directly. Tell the man and let him be the bearer of bad news. I am very sorry that you and the wife have to go through this.
It ***** for both of you, but its not a conversation you need to have with the wife. What he did to you is between you and that man. What he did to her is between them. Don't get involved, and it won't get drawn out.
She's retaliating at you because you're the easiest target; its much easier to say "you stole him!" than to admit that her husband is really at fault. Tell the father that you're pregnant, tell him he will need to plan for child support (or get him to sign an "abandonment" paper if you'd rather cut ties completely), and then stay away from both of them. Establish a good support system of friends and family. If she continues to come to your house, consider a restraining order, or stay with a relative until she has come to grips with the situation. But talking to her would be asking for an explosive response.
She's retaliating at you because you're the easiest target; its much easier to say "you stole him!" than to admit that her husband is really at fault. Tell the father that you're pregnant, tell him he will need to plan for child support (or get him to sign an "abandonment" paper if you'd rather cut ties completely), and then stay away from both of them. Establish a good support system of friends and family. If she continues to come to your house, consider a restraining order, or stay with a relative until she has come to grips with the situation. But talking to her would be asking for an explosive response.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, I don't think a woman that was lied to about a man that was really married when they got together making her his mistress needs to chit chat with the wife. That's drama and it doesn't need to happen.
She can't apply for child support until the baby is born---- and THEN she definately should!!
She can't apply for child support until the baby is born---- and THEN she definately should!!
I totally agree this Man should pay Child Support so, of course, his Wife will know there is a Child. I DON'T agree that He "put" this burden "on" Her - They achieved this Together and the Fesponsility is for BOTH of them to support the Child. The Man shouldn't "support" the child, He is meant to "contribute" to Child Support - She has an obligation as well.
This is 2012, You'd think a Man would be Responsible for His own sperm, likewise a Woman should take Responsibility for Her OWN fertility - there should not be very many unplanned Children in today"s world.
This is 2012, You'd think a Man would be Responsible for His own sperm, likewise a Woman should take Responsibility for Her OWN fertility - there should not be very many unplanned Children in today"s world.
The man will be responsible for child support so this is going to get out in the open eventually. I would tell her as the money will come from their household. Dont let him get away with putting a lifetime burden on you. You will need money to support the child. Even if you have enough funds, he should pay his part.
What a slug.
When your baby is born she will find out. When she does, she may leave him. If she does, he will probably want to come back to you.
Don't take him back. He will cheat on you, too.
Make sure he knows you are pregnant. Protect yourself and your baby.
When your baby is born she will find out. When she does, she may leave him. If she does, he will probably want to come back to you.
Don't take him back. He will cheat on you, too.
Make sure he knows you are pregnant. Protect yourself and your baby.
I agree with the above posters. I know and understand You are Hurt and feel Betrayed but so does His Wife. He LIED to You, but He betrayed AND He Lied to His Wife. She, as well as You, are in great pain over this.
Agree with specialmom. I wouldn't bother telling this woman. And kind of a confrontation could do something to the baby and it just isn't worth the risk.
Protect yourself, have a healthy baby and sue for child support.
Protect yourself, have a healthy baby and sue for child support.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Sweetie, you have NO idea what is happening with the two of them. I sincerely doubt he is 'getting by' and "she is saying nothing to him'. That is unrealistic to think.
You don't need to call her. You need to have the baby, establish paternity legally, and sue him for child support. THEN she will know. Don't get involved in trying to talk to her. Does HE know? You should tell him, let him know the plan that you will seek paternity after the baby is born and go from there.
And then move on with your life.
I'm sorry he lied to you. That sure stinks. But remember that he lied to her too. She is a victem as well. She is hurt and she is the one cheated on. So, don't hate her or be mad at her. If she contacts you again--- just tell her to talk to her husband and move on. good luck dear and sorry for this situation. Sounds hard.
You don't need to call her. You need to have the baby, establish paternity legally, and sue him for child support. THEN she will know. Don't get involved in trying to talk to her. Does HE know? You should tell him, let him know the plan that you will seek paternity after the baby is born and go from there.
And then move on with your life.
I'm sorry he lied to you. That sure stinks. But remember that he lied to her too. She is a victem as well. She is hurt and she is the one cheated on. So, don't hate her or be mad at her. If she contacts you again--- just tell her to talk to her husband and move on. good luck dear and sorry for this situation. Sounds hard.
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That said I agree with everyone except dep455. Let him decide if he wants to be in your baby's life. Should he own up to the responsibility? Absolutely pending you give him that choice and he's not otherwise a safety risk to either of you.
You and his wife are suffering great emotional distress, but don't underestimate a dad's role in this world. Too many kids are screwed up because they don't have love from both.