Stay at home mom and the duties of the husband

[Jlfg]

I am a stay at home mom with 2 small children. My husband has been working days and night shifts, but now will have a stable day shift of 7am to 7pm monday thru friday.  What should I expect him to do around the house and with the kids after work and the weekends.  Now, he watches tv and sleeps.  I am overwhelmed with housework, house maintance, laundry, errands are getting backed up because he takes the vehicle to work, and of course the most important thing-taking care of our kids and paying them as much attention as possible.  He doesn't consider what I do as work, so when he's home he says he needs to relax.  WHen is my relax time?  ANd plus alot of things would get done if he would help me.

[Jlfg]

Thanx for all the comments.  I agree with some and disagree with others.  But all are making me think and make different decisions.  Yes I do need to find ways of socializing.  I just don't have any avenues right now to find ways.  A tiny town and low income not much resources except park.  ANd other free or low income places to go are in bad part of town and are around dangerous or unhealthy examples.  I know, I know, it seems like a have an excuse for all solutions, I'm just saying how i see things or what i feel.  ANd as far as making friends for my self and not just play-date friends, their definitly is no avenue for that.  
ANd the car thing. We don't have just one vehicle that's  my point.  It makes me soo mad that it seems my husband purposely puts us in the situation where we can drive the other two for various reasons.  
And I feel hope too when I hear that others have been a stay at home mom with one car and husband working 60 hours a week and make it just fine, but some things are just harder for some people than others.  Like for me, geometry is hard, but a mathmatician finds it easy and doesnt see why i find it hard.  It also depends on how active a role the husband plays.  Sitting on the couch all the time even on days off and holidays is not active.  And when he's home, thats more dishes for me to clean, more clothes to pick up, etc... All i'm asking as far as chores is he needs to pick up after himself and if I'm feeding one baby and the other is screaming my name to get off the couch and go see what she needs.  And he needs to do the maintance around the house.  I'm not about to do pull apart door jams or caulk windows with my babies right there needing my attention, he needs to do that while im doing the other stuff.  

[carolina30]

brooklyn_gal,

I'm not a doormat, and my family is very healthy.

The poster needs to use her car and find ways to socialize--ways that she can socialize with other parents so she can have some free time.

Take Care,

Carolina
PS I had one car for 4 years of my 10 year marriage.  It was tough, but we got along just fine.

[brooklyn_gal]

Carolina30 & brainpain,

I don't understand what your point is... Are you saying that Jlfg "chose" to be a stay home mom and now needs to live with it? And make the best of it?

I have no problems with stay home moms.. I have friends who are stay home and love it.. but the husbands help when they come home and on weekends. The husbands also would not trade their position with their wives b/c they know they couldn't handle being a stay home parent.

The stay home spouse needs to appreciate the partner who brings home the income, but on the other hand the partner who makes the income needs to appreciate their respective spouse/partner for doing a great job raising the kids and keeping home.    Otherwise, you're just a doormat.

[brainpain]

i know how you feel. i have been a stay at home mom for 13yrs . i have felt like a maid rather than a wife and mother. my husband does the same thing. he get off work at 3:00 and comes home and eats a snack and hits the couch. i have to do everything myself to. i have all the house cleaning ,laundry ,meals and keep the kids quiet. i have to deal with everything. he acts like i dont do anything and his time off work is my time to make sure he gets some rest, but i dont have a day off or get to have sick days .i dont get upset that he dont help around the house but the kids are his responsability to. i dident have them by myself and he needs to do his part, im a stay at home mom but that dosent mean he dont have to be a dad.

[carolina30]

I've been a stay-at-home mom for 9 years.  My husband works 60 hours a week.  I took classes during what little time he had off--will have my master's next semester.
I do all the chores.  I only make him walk the dogs when he is home.  Your husband works all the time, and you do too.  It is life.  We press on.

[Jlfg]

Thank you for all the comments.  I'll keep you guys posted.  Guess what , Husband still didn't take car to work today, he took suv again!!!! But, I failed to put carseats in car.  I hate the carseats in the car.  Its a tiny tiny two door.  Anyways, needless to say, we did not go to the park today.  I'm telling you, I think he keeps me "stranded"  on purpose.  But in reality, would I really have gone somewhere today like I wanted to?  
Yes---paper plates sound great.  Going to get a Huge pack at Sams Club.  
Just to brag on my 3 yr old a little (I'm so proud)  She's began to make up her own rhyming words,like cat and bat, ball and call.  We've been working on that, on now she's got it.  :)