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902589 tn?1268152453
Strip Clubs Ok or No way?
I'm asking this question because me and my husband had a discussion about strip clubs after watching something on the tv the other day(not porno lol). He feels there is nothing wrong with someone going to one, whereas I think that if someone in a relationship goes to a strip club they are essentially cheating on their partner, and I wouldn't let my hubby go under any circumstances. I just wanted to hear from other woman, and men too please,to get some other perspective on the issue.

So how do you feel about your partner going to strip clubs?(without you I should add)

Thanks in advance :)

18
1. Do not ever want partner to go.

10
2. Would only want partner to go during a special occasion(bachelor/ette party)

4
3. Partner can go anytime.

7
4. Me and and partner both go
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637356 tn?1301928422
Wow I am the first to respond so of course you are going to know how I voted. lol

I used to be completely ok with my hubby going from time to time until he crossed the line with a dancer! Now he can only go if I go with him. Then I can make sure he behaves and it is actually a big turn on to us both.
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637356 tn?1301928422
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303824 tn?1294875001
I actually like to go with my husband and it's usually me saying "let's go!" LOL! I am an open minded person and watching women dance topless doesn't bother me in the least. I am secure enough in my marriage and I'd rather go with him than him go with his buddies. He actually prefers it that way, which is fine by me!
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303824 tn?1294875001
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686059 tn?1293837427
I'm confident enought to say, "He can go, only if it's a bachleor party and he first has to tell me  without me asking or finding out and no type of physical contact with the strippers. I want to know date, time and what time is he coming home and that I can contact him at any time and he has to be reachable (answering the phone).
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686059 tn?1293837427
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686059 tn?1293837427
Also....I want to know the name of the club, the time it starts and end and if I feel like a surprise stop in...I will.

p.s. I won't personally go, since I don't care for them, but I trust him to simply behave!
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686059 tn?1293837427
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940642 tn?1336067111
My wife says she has absolutely no problem with me going to strip clubs, but I dont go anyway.  I'm not interested in the whole scene.  Actually I wish my wife did care more about me going.  I'd like her to feel a little jealous rather than having such a non-caring attitude about it (but thats obviously my problem).

I would not want her to go to male strip clubs.  I can accept it on a special party but I still dont like it.  I might be okay with it if I was there with her, but I dont think you see a lot of husbands at male reviews with their wives.  Maybe I'm wrong.
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940642 tn?1336067111
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684030 tn?1415615923
If I could cast 2 votes... I would vote: partner can go anytime & me and partner both go because I've done both. In fact, the last time that I went was a few years ago with a former boyfriend. On that evening, I saw a stripper and a female customer making out in one of the stalls in the ladies restroom. And, interestingly enough, I got more attention than my male friend did from the dancers on the stage. He and I had a great time and our evening ended with us making love.
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684030 tn?1415615923
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902589 tn?1268152453
That's exactly how I would want it too! I need to know who, what, where, when, etc lol

I guess I just don't like the idea of my man going out and getting hot by looking at woman who aren't me, maybe i'm a bit of a jealous person :)  I've thought about maybe going with him once but half naked woman don't really get me all excited lol

Thanks for all the comments everyone :)
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Avatar universal
I voted for Me and My partner would both go. I would never let My husband go to a strip club alone, with his friends, or at a bachelor party!! He wouldn't want to go to a strip club without Me anyways. It'll be more fun if we would go together & he agrees with Me on that 100%.
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686059 tn?1293837427
Those strippers are doing a job and could care less who is there as long as they tip and spend on liquor. I personally don't care for strip club. Just the title for me means, sleezy, prostitution and everything bad in night life...SIN, just like Vegas (what happens there stays there) (lol), buy my man is on PROBATIONS and one wrong move and he is going to wish he never met me (lol)...anyway, yes, date, time, place, location, telephone numbers, who's going, accessable 24/7 and answer the phone or my wrath will be beyon hell (lol) and I want him to call me when he get's home.

I know completely controlled...yes and if he dares touch, it's over. He is lucky that I am being opened minded about it, because many women simply say no.

It also helps that he caught me in a good mood (lol).
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686059 tn?1293837427
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Your Man is lucky that your being open mined and would let him go (even with all the rules) LOL.. Many, Many women say NO!!  I will never let My Hubby go 2 a strip club without Me & he knows better than to ask Me if he can go alone!! That would lead into a big a** argument.
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686059 tn?1293837427
A few years back I was had said, "NO WAY" and if he did go, I would have broken up with him over it. I guess as I'm gracefully aging (lol), I am more secure with myself and I think that is hugh. I am confident enought to let him go, but with rules. In regards to the Strip Clubs...my way or the highway (lol).  Many, many years ago, I went to a place called the Sugar Shack, here in Chicago. It was all men with the most amazing bodies and I went with a group of girlfriends and some brought other friends (15 girls). We were wild! and had such a great time and no touching. Just us being silly and gitty,so I do take that into consideration. I know they are doing a job and have body guards and all that other stuff, so I'm not to worried, but he never knows when I will surprise him, by showing up when he least expected. It would be sad that I would have to lower myself, so he knows, behave or out the door.
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686059 tn?1293837427
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686059 tn?1293837427
ps. I would lay the law, be Supreme Judge and his executer too (lol).
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686059 tn?1293837427
ok...he would have to wear an ankle monitoring brace that would shock him if a woman that's not me touch him (LOL).  Also, he knows what he has at home, so no need to stray.
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372900 tn?1315515902
I would prefer DH to not go but he did go for his own bachelor party.  He promised to behave himself and I trusted him to behave himself.  Otherwise he thinks they are a waste of money.  I have also pointed out to him that I can give him a lapdance, strip show, etc. without him a) wasting his money, b) getting "blue balls" or c) getting an STD.  He likes that!  lol.
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372900 tn?1315515902
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686059 tn?1293837427
blue balls? (LOL)
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145992 tn?1341348674
I would only be comfortable if we both went or if he didn't go at all.  I only say that because I'm not having my man get a lap dance by someone else.  
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145992 tn?1341348674
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303824 tn?1294875001
LMAO!!!! Now THAT'S how ya do it! You give your man the lap dance of his life and this will NEVER again be an issue..hehehe!!!
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372900 tn?1315515902
Yup.  DH is a very happy man when I get through with him.  ;-P
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362249 tn?1441318618
I dont like my DH going at all really but i do trust him not to do anything! The reason i got mad is cus he didnt tell me he was going there he said he was going with the guys to drink and they ended up there! Thats what ticked me off more than anything if he had just called and said he was going i would have been more open about it than him showing up at my parents house at 2am with a braclet on and of course i saw it and knew and was ready to punch him out!! But i suppose special occasions are OK, i dont see what the fuss is about anyway i used to work at 7-11 near the strip club and those girls who came in afterwards were not pretty (sorry no offense but in my town its true) they were ugly and big and they had their stretchmarks hanging out everywhere!!
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362249 tn?1441318618
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Avatar universal
I guess I am the odd man out, I would not want my hubby to go to one, it may give him ideas and he may act on them,also i think they are sleezy places, and there are better things to do, and lots more fun  jo
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I personally do not have that issue, as my husband is disinterested in them. He feels it is degrading to him somehow and says it is a turn off. But upon reflection, I do not see any difference between going to a strip club, checking out porn on the computer, or home videos for that matter.  I think it says something about the mindset of the man. Being turned on sexually by some stranger grinding on a pole naked? Hoping they will be the one that gets center attention.  As far as the worker goes, they are just there earning a paycheck which in and of itself is sad. Guess, Im telling my age!
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As a guy who has gone to some in the past I don't see a huge issue with it, because any club where guys actually want to go because the women are attractive the women will not do anything more then dance for the guys. They are not hookers and most places do not condone any type of action like that because they can be shut down.

But for myself I will not go anymore and at bachelor parties I will not have any interaction with strippers. I made a choice to say, I don't want any outside stimulation other then my wife. Just a choice I made and I have stuck by it.

Also just looking at a women is not really a turn on for me, so even in the past when I went with friends I was never that into it. I was more into going to a bar and meeting a woman there where I could get some action. Sounds crude but that was my mind set in my college years.
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730826 tn?1317946934
I voted can go for occasions. Id rather he not go, but then Id be a hypocrite as my aunt took me for my 18th birthday. I wont do it again because I felt I was cheating. He knew about it the whole time, I didnt do anything inappropriate and didnt enjoy it. If I was single I may have enjoyed it but Im in the married mindset that its a no.

So Id rather he not but as long as its not an all-the-time-thing that hes hiding from me or hes having anything beyond watching some girls strip, then thats ok. (im still going to be jealous as I am a very jealous person, but try to hide it.)
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730826 tn?1317946934
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902589 tn?1268152453
It nice to hear everyone's opinions, I would rather hubby not go at all, and as far as i know he has never been to one. but I know he wants to go just to see what its all about since he has never gone, maybe we can go together once, but there's no way he's going by himself lol
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167 tn?1374177417
I would rather my husband not go ever, at all, never again. But, I wouldn't make him feel embarrassed or weird by telling him he can't go for a bachelor party or a special occasion. I wouldn't like it, but wouldn't tell him no. He had his bachelor party in January and had a private couch dance and I was TICKED OFF. NOT HAPPY and felt betrayed and disgusted. Never again.
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167 tn?1374177417
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646779 tn?1281999641
I have posted this same question a few months ago ''Committed Relationships & Lap Dancers'' as seen in Related Discussions.
I have to be honest I don't think it's fair on your partner to seek outside sexual stimualtion from anyone else other than you.
It's unessessary and will only cause jealousy, bad-feeling and hurt. It sounds like I am the minority on this subject here but hey, that's me. If my DP doesn't like it he knows where he can go. But he chooses to ignore those places and chooses his sexual stimulation to come from me only, and our relationship feels great, and pure, without all the jealousy that strip clubs would bring.
I'm quite jealous I admit it, but I'm glad I take so much interest in my DP. I've had an ex before whom I didn't really mind too much about what he did. So my interest in my DP's sexual exclusivity is a positive interest in him I say. I'll be damned if some two-bit ***** is going to frolic six inches above my man's groin while I stay at home unsuspecting how far she's gotton with him. Saying that, whether I would not there, or weather I would (which I would never degrade myself to doing) for me it's wrong and unesseary, and I would kindly ask of my partner not to go :-)
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646779 tn?1281999641
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Avatar universal
I think the meaning of what marriage is must be changing, I would certainly hope you are not in the minority. Living in a time where only 50% of marriages survive, and I think that is an optimistic number at best, this is only one issue that may explain why. I guess I just dont understand what committment means anymore.  I always thought these were supposed to be non issues, once committment kicked in, but hey! There I go again, telling my age!  I wonder if there will be marriage after the next 20 years.  I doubt it! Why bother!
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686059 tn?1293837427
I've notice a change in committment. It's becoming instinct.
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Avatar universal
Dear megochick101 and others that have posed these questions,
There is not a box for me to check.  Mine would be, why bother?  Why bother helping the seedy part of life grow? Stripping leads to drugs, crime, nothing good for the women doing it in a club.
It is for exploitation of a woman and nothing more.  As a woman, I find it offensive that anyone would frequent these places.  Then when the looks go, what then?  It is not like Demi Moore in striptease. Look at the girls coming out of the places in the light of the day, they look old and all used up.
In a town like the one I live, we have built our reputaion on being cutting edge seedy.
Many of us never go there, even for bachelor or bachelorette parties or have strippers come to the private parties.
It causes pain, lack of self confidence, drugs, death and everything you can think of in between.
Do we want to say to our young women.  All you have is a body, use it.  And there is no long term affect on them?
It is a serious subject.  I don't have to lay the law down, make rules.  He knows what it costs kids and women in the business of self gratification for the men looking at them.
It is disgusting.
We are women whou have come so far, when will we come far enough out of the dark ages of sleezy, dangerous sexually explicit borderline porn?
zzzmykids
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Most of our friends have been married over thirty years.  Our kids, their kids had premarital counselling, still dating after marriage and just doing fun stuff  all year round.
We have shared our tough spots and resolutions for them. Our kids are nine years and more and still going strong.
As long as we are committed to the marriage, even when love seems hard to find in the hassles, the poopy diapers, the differences you stick it out.
Trust is a big issue and having simular values of respect for the genders helps.
Laughter and being best friends helps.  We also have best friends we do things separately with that are of the same gender.
Hope this gives you some hope for the next generations.  It is all what they see before them.
Good luck,
zzzmykids
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This has never been an issue in our relationship as my husband has absolutely no interest in going and wouldn't go to a bachelor party if that is what was going to be going on.  In fact, his brothers tricked him into going to a strip club for his bachelor party and he refused to go in - he ended up sitting in the car watching Scar Face on their flip down TV until one of the guys got thrown out.  Either way I wouldn't be okay with him going because I don't really see the point of watching that if it is not to lust and get turned on... which then I think crosses a line.  Luckily I don't have to deal with it!  :)
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176495 tn?1301284012
I have no desire whatsoever to go to one, so my wife doesn't have to worry about that...I think I OD'd on the things back when I was 21 (I'm 58 now)...it's been at least 30 years since I was in one with a friend while we were on a business trip.


Jim
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946578 tn?1258666887
Megochick101:
I wouldn't want my man going.  It wouldn't bug me so much just him being there but I know his friends would be buying him lap dances and stuff.  I don't want some other girl dancing on my man.  And not only do they dance but they sit and talk dirty in their ear.  That's just way too far.  My man doesn't need to be talking dirty with some other girl.  And most strippers will have sex with the guys as long as they pay enough.  My friend owns a strip club and all the strippers will sleep with the guys for 50 bucks.  They are pretty dirty.  When he came home there would always be that lingering question in the back of my mind wondering if he paid the extra 50 bucks to get some.  I know he never would, but it'd still always be in the back of my mind.  Strip clubs are cheating.

j7653:
I am sure your wife cares more than she lets on.  A lot of women like to be the "cool wife" and we figure men want us to be ok with them going.  She probably just plays it off that it doesn't bug her.  But deep down I am sure it would hurt her if you went, even if she won't admit it.  She is probably just saying that for you... she doesn't wanna come off as controlling.
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377493 tn?1356505749
I am fine with it.  I have actually been with him and his friends, and other male friends, and for the most part it is pretty boring. They seem to sit around and drink more then watch the actual strippers.  Our rule is no laps dances, and he respects that.  In all honesty, the only time he ever goes is bachelour parties....I think it take the fun out of it for them when their wife has no problem with it....lol.
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952122 tn?1281396234
I wouldn't like the idea at all of my husband going to a strip club, especially without me. I would never know if he was cheating on me or not. I basically have the same opinion as you.
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Avatar universal
I agree with you, I do not believe anyone who is in a committed relationship or married should be going to strip clubs. Why go if you have all you need at home. That is why they have things called bachelor and bachelorette parties, to get it out of your system. But once you are married you need not be in those places. Those are places for single people to party and have fun, but, that is just my opinion.
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3060903 tn?1398568723
I left my first husband pretty quickly after he decided his home bar was going to be a strip club, and my opinion meant nothing to him. There were big problems in the marriage before this, but it was the strip club that I just couldn't and wouldn't handle.  He ended up having a child with the stripper, although he was very early out of that relationship (whatever that consisted of) and had a restraining order protecting the mom (from a beating). I don't know what kind of visitation he had, if any. He only lived to see the child turn 5 or 6. No strip clubs in a marriage, is my vote. I find it pretty disgusting to see men who are getting older watch young girls their daughter's age, perform for $.
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Omg I'm surprised everyone's OK with it I don't want him going I feel like he married me if he wanted to look at other girls boobs shouldn't have gotten married
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973741 tn?1342346373
Hi guys.  This post is from 2009!!  Really old.  

thanks.
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3060903 tn?1398568723
I actually considered that sm, but figured I'd contribute to an ongoing poll should someone want to use the Search engine and find immediate opinions on the subjects, thanks  Some people may have an interest of the subject but aren't actually experiencing the subject themselves, so they wouldn't want to open their own thread , they'd prefer to rely on past posts to find out the answers to an opinion poll, like the What's your first pet's name , etc.
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3060903 tn?1398568723
but i absolutely understand your point that when a person is experiencing distress, that it's important to open a thread on a forum so that they can get help from people on the subject in real time, that's a really important message.  There's no use asking a person who last chimed in in 2009 for advice to a problem their having.
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973741 tn?1342346373
I always encourage someone to start their own thread because the ones tagged on long posts get lost.  A couple of people will answer instead of the usual surplus of answers that someone will get.  As well as if someone looks at the forum and sees a post from 2009 or something like that, they wonder what the heck.  I always try to find the most current goings on. So when these posts get pulled up from a google search, we always as community leaders encourage them to start their own threads.  

Just thought I'd explain.  Thanks for understanding nighthawk.  Your last post kind of hit the mark in why we encourage to start your own thread rather than tagging onto the bottom of someone else's.  
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