Trust

[PassionFlower09]

How do you trust someone who lies to you? My husband, has been lying to me about  a relationship, supposedly platonic, he has been having with a female since Aug. Now he claims that he doesn't speak to her and that he is not lying anymore. Now he expects me to just not be upset and move on. But it is really hard. Some days for me  are good, others are bad. It seems like every other day I start to think about the lies he told , I get upset, and confront him.  So every other day, we argue because I mention the lies he has told, or I ask him if he has spoken to her or seen her. But It is just really hard to trust again Especially when he on so many occasions looked me in the eye and lied to me without blinking. Imagine you know that someone has been lying to you and when you confront them they call you crazy.Then you find out later that they really were lying. I just feel as if I have no more forgiveness to give- the well is dry. I gave him so many opportunities to tell me the truth.

It is just so stressful and heart breaking. I don't know if things will ever be the same.

[PassionFlower09]

Well all of this did give me a wake-up call. I am not so  naieve
anymore. Sad to say, I learned the hard way. I guess I needed this lesson.

[lovemykids465]

Yes, we did get a bit of counsel  but the web site helped me more. We did get a marriage work book too that we did together that helped alot. I agree if you want to work it out try not to bring it up so much. It only hurts you in the long run. I know what you mean about the friend thing. My husband was my BF i thought. I think that hurt even more. If you need to talk or even vent this is a great place to do it. I found myself having violent thoughts toward both of them so I just spent more time at the gym. Payed off in two ways. I wish I could say things will get better soon but it is a daily struggle of ups and downs but it does get better with time if you choose to forgive and let go. You will never forget and neither should he but you can not be his conscious. Believe me I tried it made things worse. Let time heal .

[drh_90]

im sorry that he lied and cheated on u. he needs to understand that u have been on an emotional rollercoaster with the mess he has made. but u need to figure out is he going to be faithful and trustworthy to you. if he is try to to accuse him all the time. dont trust him til ur ready but if there is an issue that makes past issues be brought up do it in a way where ull b able to get ur point across as why u r asking these questions so hell understand that u r trying to trust him and he wont get all defensive where u think hes trying to hide something. see how its a vicious cycle that repeats itself? good luck to you both

[mami1323]

Anytime. You are not alone and your thoughts are completely normal. You've been hurt and when that happens you want them to feel the same pain. I have made my relationship work but it took a lot of hard work and I still struggle. Its still a new pain for you so it will take time. Good luck!

[PassionFlower09]

Mami 1323,

Thanks for the reminder; I am nominating you as my conscious. : )

P.F.

[mami1323]

So get a girlfriend. You don't need to stoop to his level. If he is not meeting your needs than leave him and then you are available to meet someone else. u know how you feel believe me, my fiancé had a 2 year affair so I understand when you say you lost a friend. I had those thoughts of hurting him just like he did me but it wouldn't be me. Plus I allowed him to look bad and didn't make myself look equally bad. You have the power to make your own decisions just make sure that you can still look at yourself in the mirror and like who you are.