Voyeur husband!

[Dustysmom2011]

Me and my husband are having some marital issues. Mostly financial and problems that can be fixed with help. I just found out that my husband has on a few occasions that I know of installed his cell phone in our bathroom to film my sister and friend in the bathroom. We have a daughter and I'm getting very concerned for her well being. At this point he still doesnt know that I know. I am waiting for the right time as my sister and friend want to confront him. Should I stay if he agrees to get help or just run and never look back? Also my family has given me a ultamadum to leave him and if I don't they will cut me out of their lives?

[vicki595]

Here is what I think:  he needs to go! Right now. That's it! He is extremely sick and I'm sure you realize it. This is such immoral and intrusive behavior and if thinks its okay then he's a sociopath and needs to get away from all of you.

How did you find out about this? How do you know he hasn't already filmed you and your daughter at another time?
He's a scary guy and obviously thinks very little of women.   I feel sad for you...

[TTinKKerBBell]

I had difficulty understanding Your statement "I am waiting for the right time"!!!??
It seems to me the "right" time would be IMMEDIATELY - at the VERY MOMENT of discovery.  This is an OUTRAGEOUS invasion of  (anyone's) privacy!!  on ANYONE'S!! behalf.
I've been Married  for close to 28 YEARS.  My Husband and I  have a very open, very sharing relationship with one another - on EVERY level - BUT I want my privacy in the bathroom - even to brush my teeth!!  not to mention the other things that take place in Our BATHROOMS!!.  My own Husband knows not of MY bladder,  knows not of MY bowels, knows not of MY dirty teeth!!  - These moments are private to me, belong ONLY to me and He has UTMOST RESPECT for these "moments" that I want to keep private and to myself!!
For someone ELSE'S Husband to feel "entitled" to invade  my privacy would be INTOLERABLE for me - but it would be EVEN more HORRIFIC if I were to know that my own Husband were doing this to someone else??!!  to know that he felt "entitled" to "invite" himself into the most "private" moments of my SISTER and FRIEND.......or ANYONE!!!!!

You ask if You should stay if he agrees to "get help" - No one can "advise/tell" You what You should do.  One can only say what They might do - and my feeling is -  "get help" ?? - what does that  even mean??  don't You think He knew this was WRONG  in the first place??  Don't You think he had CHOICE to do this or not do this??  He already KNOWS this is WRONG!! and he CHOSE to do this!!

So - to answer Your question:  If this were me - I would take my Daughter and I would get the h&ll!! out of there!!  I would NOT accept any "excuse" He might give for doing such a HORRENDOUS thing!!  For me, this would be BEYOND "forgiveness", BEYOND "understanding" what motivated him to do such!!  - just my opinion - You always have  CHOICE to take Your own path, irregardless of what "others" think.

[nursegirl6572]

I forgot to mention that you stand to lose a lot if you stay.  Your family has threatened to basically diosown you, which may be a tad rough, but honestly, I don't think it is an overreaction.  They feel extremely violated, and you staying would be kind of like you indirectly supporting him over them.

He's damn lucky one of their husbands, BFs, brothers, etc haven't come over to enact some of their own justice.  Seriously.  If something like that happened to me, my husband would be on his doorstep in mere minutes.

[nursegirl6572]

I agree with the above posters.  I'm also someone who believes in trying to work things out in a marriage, but what he did was such a betrayal of trust, and creepy.  Not to mention, he did this to people you care about deeply.  What did he do with the video?  Did he post it online?  Share it with anyone?

He clearly needs help, and you have every right to be concerned, especially with your daughter being in the home.  It's a GOOD thing that you have red flags going up everywhere!  I hate to bring this up, but you DO realize that the changes are HUGE that this wasn't the first time he did something like this, don't you?  It would be highly unlikely that you caught him the very first time he tried something like that.

I hope you also know that he could face criminal charges for this.  MY opinion is to walk away from the marriage.  If you decide that you don't want to do that, I hope you lay down some SERIOUS ultimatums, limitations, and make big demands, like therapy, etc.  If he had no regard for the privacy of your own sister and friend, I'm not sure he's a man who would understand morals and limits, however.

Whatever you decide, very best of luck.  It sounds like a terrible situation to be in.

[Londres70]

Get rid of him.  

I don't think it matters that your sister and friend were told before him as they were violated.  

Sounds like the marriage is pretty much done anyways and I would assume end it after this.

[specialmom]

Hi.  Well, I don't think I'd have told my sister and friend about what he did before talking to him.  

I think that it is an incredible violation to film people while using the restroom.  He needs some help.  

I don't know what else to say.  I'd probably be out the door to be honest as this is outside my boundary of the type of person I'd want to live with.  

I'm very pro marriage but filming my family and their friend in the bathroom would fall into the category of too weird for me to deal with.  

Ugh,  sorry.  good luck