Aa
What should I do?
Me and my mate been together for 5years and I'm pregnant with our second child. our problem is that he doesn't want to pay rent for something that doesn't benefit us so he wants to buy our home we live in two separate households and he doesn't like to stay over where me and my son stay but what us to stay back over his mother house...she's always in our business and it's no privacy we live together before but in up back into the situation again because he doesn't want to pay all the bills because I'm on maturity leave from wrk....what should I do?
AMEN.
You're being a grown up and he's not. THEN, when you suggest things that resemble acting like a grown up, he gets mad. Ditch him and secure child support for your children.
You are their mother and must keep their best interest in mind. HE is not in their best interest. He doesn't provide for them, he hasn't put a roof over their heads and he doesn't even live with you guys to ensure he sees them all the time.
With all due respect, it is a VERY strange and unhealthy set-up. At least you don't have too much to worry about with your kids growing up in a "broken" home. Your "home" was never put together!
Best of luck to you and your children.
You're being a grown up and he's not. THEN, when you suggest things that resemble acting like a grown up, he gets mad. Ditch him and secure child support for your children.
You are their mother and must keep their best interest in mind. HE is not in their best interest. He doesn't provide for them, he hasn't put a roof over their heads and he doesn't even live with you guys to ensure he sees them all the time.
With all due respect, it is a VERY strange and unhealthy set-up. At least you don't have too much to worry about with your kids growing up in a "broken" home. Your "home" was never put together!
Best of luck to you and your children.
Dear, dear.....your issues with this man have been going on way too long and you need to cut your loses and move on with your children.
He isn't interested in providing for you and the children the way that he should.
He isn't interested in providing for you and the children the way that he should.
I was 20 & he was 19 when we had our son now I'm 25 & he's 24 and I'm like ready to give up at this point.. I truly want to thank you for your advice. Now I understand completely that it is not me for wanting whats best for my children.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Are you super attached to this guy? I ask because he hardly sounds like a great partner (he doesn't live independently and would rather 'play' with his money than spend it to live and support his family, the "porn" thing, and his telling you that you are selfish for wanting a 'normal' family life (as in YOUR family, the kids you two created) after 5 years and two kids.
I'd probably stay at your grandmas and go for legal child support. Then focus on taking care of your kids rather than having a third kid (your boyfriend).
He's got some serious changing to do in order to be a good partner and he doesn't seem interested at this time in being one.
I most often try to keep families together but you two had an odd set up in a way. Usually a couple establishes itself first (set up house, are a TRUE couple living together) prior to having kids and then at least become one after the first pregnancy. Were you super young or something? It's just like you have seperate lives and you see that it is time to grow up and he doesn't.
good luck
I'd probably stay at your grandmas and go for legal child support. Then focus on taking care of your kids rather than having a third kid (your boyfriend).
He's got some serious changing to do in order to be a good partner and he doesn't seem interested at this time in being one.
I most often try to keep families together but you two had an odd set up in a way. Usually a couple establishes itself first (set up house, are a TRUE couple living together) prior to having kids and then at least become one after the first pregnancy. Were you super young or something? It's just like you have seperate lives and you see that it is time to grow up and he doesn't.
good luck
I do pay rent sometimes when I was working but my grandma doesn't want to take the money all the time she says spend it on you and your children just put food in the house...he does give his mother money but that's only if she ask for it he makes good money a month but he has a car note and insurance with a cell phone bill and still have extra left over...
No, he doesn't his job is closer to his mother's, but when I was working and living with his mother my job was an hour away but I stayed. even when he started doing that porn thing I was there.... He says I'm being selfish but everytime I get on my feet and find a place to stay we move in and then he'll say he paying too much and we need to find something cheaper when we was paying 655 for a 3 bedroom 2 full bath home...
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, that is true. If he is irresponsible with money, that is a big problem. That would have sent me out the door a long time ago. When you decide to make a family with someone-------- picking a partner that takes making a life together seriuosly is important. That includes making arrangements to be under one roof, understanding that having a family costs money and you have to sacrifice to pay for it, etc.
Let me ask you this----- I know you are expecting baby number two---- but is this the guy you want to spend your life with? Seems there are some major red flags here.
Does your grandma charge you rent? could she allow you to stay rent free if you are alone until you are able to go back to work? I'd do that and then tell your boyfriend that you really would like him to be financially responsible before you live with him and won't wait forever for him to do it.
If his mom doesn't charge him rent and he is stocking the money away to get a house, that is one thing. But if he doesn't pay rent and has nothing---- then he's not really good partner material in my opinion.
So, he wasn't living with you at your grandmas?
Let me ask you this----- I know you are expecting baby number two---- but is this the guy you want to spend your life with? Seems there are some major red flags here.
Does your grandma charge you rent? could she allow you to stay rent free if you are alone until you are able to go back to work? I'd do that and then tell your boyfriend that you really would like him to be financially responsible before you live with him and won't wait forever for him to do it.
If his mom doesn't charge him rent and he is stocking the money away to get a house, that is one thing. But if he doesn't pay rent and has nothing---- then he's not really good partner material in my opinion.
So, he wasn't living with you at your grandmas?
Yes I do want to live together but how can I live with him if he doesn't want to pay bills
I live with my grandma and he stays with his mom....I stayed with his family before when we first had our son and I found a house so my son can have a room of his own because his room is small.then he was back and forth with different jobs where I had a permanent job.I couldn't deal with it then because his mom will give us hints that we need to move out but in the same sentence all in his banking account. He's not saving because he's constantly spend money on nonsense.we don't have money for a down payment on a house but he wants to try anyway...I've been from house to house since we had my son.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hm. Okay, so you DO want to live with the father of your children, right?
Is he saying that he'd like to buy a place and needs money to do it and by paying rent on an apartment, he won't be able to save?
Why do you keep two places???? Why wouldn't you live together??? You're having kids together, why wouldn't you live like a real couple?
If he needs to save money to make things better for you, then I would give that a try as it is in your best interest in the long run.
But I'm having a hard time understanding the situation. Does he live in the apartment with you?
Is he saying that he'd like to buy a place and needs money to do it and by paying rent on an apartment, he won't be able to save?
Why do you keep two places???? Why wouldn't you live together??? You're having kids together, why wouldn't you live like a real couple?
If he needs to save money to make things better for you, then I would give that a try as it is in your best interest in the long run.
But I'm having a hard time understanding the situation. Does he live in the apartment with you?
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