Why can't I find a date?

[Utility]

Hi all, I am a 30 year old that have trouble finding a date or even attracting women.
I hate to sound conceited but I am described as good looking, I have a good job, dress well, have my own car and place.
1, I have no idea where to look or even find a date beside the occasional trip to the bar or gym.
2, on the rare occasion that I meet someone, I sense no interest from their end at all.
I have very few interests outside of playing, watching sports, going to the movies, occasionally going to a bar for a drink or 2. My job is male dominated so meeting anyone there is almost impossible.
The past 2 dates that I have been on (with the last 1 being 8 months ago) both ended in absolute disaster.
I see everyone around me attracting other females and even some guys being asked on dates but no lady gives me the time of the day or even look at my direction.
I have always been confident but this has shaken my confidence to the point that I even asked my 20-year old cousin what she thought of me and I was reassured when she said I looked good and that her best friend thought I was hot. I know there's more than that but I also have a pretty good personality and fun to be around.
I have no idea what's going on but being lonely is really starting to suck.
Any advice would be appreciated.

[perch101]

Hi, a couple of questions come to mind in reading your post....

When you say that your last two dates "ended in disaster" ... what happened? The answer there could be telling. In the past I have had a couple of dates where I felt no spark and a second date did not occur...... but none that ended in 'absolute disaster'.

Also..... is there someone you know that you are not that close to but that knows you, who is NOT familiy who you could ask for an honest opinion? A cousin knows that if she say something to upset and offend you.... well you are always going to see her for the rest of your life at family functions and such so it's harder to be brutally honest (if in fact there even is something that needs brutal honesty to say).

But I would be curious about your answer about the last two dates ending in 'absolute disaster', as clues may be there......

[Utility]

Thanks for your response. To answer your question about the dates. The 1st person I took out was someone that I complimented and asked out. We went out and she was just lying about everything. Afterwards, she would call me only as a last resort after all her other plans failed (like she would tell me that so or so couldn't make it, wanna hang?). I couldn't deal with that and stopped talking to her.
The other one is more interesting. I met this beautiful girl and asked her out. She said to come pick her up that night. We went to a restaurant/bar, had a great dinner, had a few drinks, danced... We were having tons of fun for hours when she went to the bathroom. Another lady who was sitting on the next stool just stood up and started dancing in front of me as I was sitting (no contact whatsoever). My date came out of the bathroom and immediately said. "let's go". I asked why, we are having fun here and she said she wasn't!!! She forcefully grabbed my hand (yes, on a 1st date) and I questioned her behavior in the parking lot. She said that she doesn't appreciate the fact I am sitting there talking to girls while she was my date, to which I replied that not 1 word was said and that the girl was just dancing in front of me like she was dancing in front of other guys before me. She even tried to slap me but I blocked her arm and held it firm, which upset her further. And that was the end of it obviously...
As for someone with brutal honesty, I do know a few females but am I supposed to just walk up to them and ask them what they think of me? If I could do that, I am not sure they would just lay it on the line either...

[brice1967]

Not that this will be any help, but I thought I'd throw it out there.  Way back in my home town, I had a buddy who "made a living" out of being a wing man.  That was way, way before the term had been coined.

This buddy would hang out with any number of other buddies that had a bit of "game" and wait for them to make their move on a girl.  If that girl was with another, which is often the case, he would, almost by default, have a chance at the other girl.  

This particular buddy thrived in that environment and in more cases than not, he went home with the girl and the other buddy did not.  Obviously this guy was not picky.... yeah, he ended up with some nightmares and on some occaisions he was the nightmare.

I don't know man.  You're best bet is to find somebody with similar interests and would do so doing the things you like to do.  Open yourself up to doing new things.... take a cooking class, try a class on an alternative language.  Find something low cost that you always wanted to do or thought of and just open yourself up to it.

[kiskajuno]

Your question is a difficult one. Unfortunately dating for some is a numbers game. Just remember most men and women are initially attracted in different ways altogether. Personality, body language and attitude, or lack of, is the #1 thing that most women look at in a guy. If thats not perfect, even if the rest of you is a 'total package', the deal is not in your favor. I am generalizing a bit, but for the most part its true.

If your outgoing, none of this should be a problem for you. The life of the party always gets the girls - you know that is true. So if your not very outgoing or a deep thinking introvert like me, who's more of a writer than a talker, you have to get clever. I'm working on that part. Its not easy, believe me. I made a post asking this too - no advice so far though.

It never hurts to try something new. I gave up onseeking relationships for a while, clears the brain. Since I'm a natural observer, I observed the guys that get the girls - at the gym, bar etc. They just talk BS, quantity not quality conversation, thats right- and it works. But it only works if you have that in you. Personally, I lack the gift of BS'ing, its a lot of work for me.

A buddy of mine just said start talking to more strangers, for practice, not for a date, no pressure, care free BS'ing.  Try not really caring about the subject matter. He said to make it a challenge to learn how others communicate back. After a while you'll know automatically which types are naturally easy to talk to. Then try to date those types, - eliminate the ones that have learned don't 'jive' with you. Even if you have similar interests, its all about personality in women's eyes.

All guys have traits that women like and don't like, don't count on them to tell you either. If you find out what they like in you, then forget the rest as it wont matter to them, even if you think its a great trait. There is a way to do this, if you live in a big city. Don't laugh. Online dating is harsh, but can be a very useful tool, if you use it for the purpose of learning. Not many people find true love there, and 'good' women get asked out in real life , so you have to ask why would they be online? My buddy did this, a lot of work to. he changed his profile many times to reflect only part of his life and personality. From replies or no replies he learned what women like about him - he concentrates on this part.  Google the modern man dot c 0 m , many tricks that chick magnets have known for eternity.

My only gripe with all this even if it works is you will not attract / keep a women for all of who you are. Your not really changing, but it is a major shift in how you naturally present yourself. And if its not natural, are you really being who you want to be?

Maybe being a 'chick magnet' isn't all its thought to be. Think about it, for those guys relationships are a continuous revolving door, it's rarely long term for them. But many guys that aren't 'family men' don't really want a LTR till they are about 35 anyway today. 35 is the new 25 of yesterday.

Some things to ponder!