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Why is my husband so protective about his sister?
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Why is my husband so protective about his sister?

My husband has this cousin sister who is the closest to him in the entire world. They share everything. I have tried being nice to her before our marriage. She did not like me from the beginning and was pretending to be nice to me only in front of my husband. She even challenged me that my husband will never like a girl like me because I was a brought up in the city and was not conservative. Before marriage she used to tell me things like she will live her my husband after her graduation and my husband also confirmed the same. She was just waiting to get graduated so that she can pack her bags to our house. My husband liked her so much that he used to ask me to dress up like her, learn to behave like her. I used to feel like an uncivilized cave woman whenever he used say, "Learn how to be like her" or "Learn to dress up like her" or "Learn to behave like her". This was very offending for me. Before our wedding my husband used to have two cell phones, one which was exclusively to talk to me. Once when I asked him his other phone number he told me that his sister will call him on that and he doesn't want me to be disturbing their conversation. I really never got the other phone number until after the wedding.

After the wedding when I moved into his house, he was all the time on phone with her. They used to talk as soon as he wakes up. He used to keep calling her messaging her all day. After he's back from office, he used to find some secluded place and talk to her for a long time while I was busy with house chores. I never got the happiness a new bride should get and was very depressed. I used to fight a lot with him over this and he always stuck to the point that he cannot stop talking to his sister like this. He used to pamper her like his own baby and this used to make me very jealous. He had lot of sweet names for her while he had none for me.

We visited her place after the wedding and I was totally devastated by the way he behaved. He totally kept me away. Even if I held his hand, if his sister comes, he used to literally push me away. He wouldn't even sit near me. When I confronted him, he said she would feel bad and cry if he behaves close to me. This happened several times we visited her house and each visit would almost kill me. Once she told me that I was too ugly for her brother.

This went on over the first year of marriage. I was getting very lonely. My husband also got busy with other things so he could not spend as much time with her as he used to spend before. She got the impression that he's not talking because of me. So she stopped talking to him totally as she thought that now he's listening to his wife. Now my husband blames me that I have split his family and ruined his happiness in life. He tell me he's very lonely without her. I am feeling guilty now. He keeps mailing her that he will only listen to her and do whatever she says. I don't know how to respond to this. I wanted a loving marriage, but I am stuck in between guilt and depression. Please help.
7 Comments Post a Comment
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973741_tn?1342346373
Well, hopefully this girl begins dating and finds a partner.  Is that her plan?  Is she going to become someone's wife?  That would be a great thing as then she would not be so involved in yours.  

Very strange indeed.  Was this an arranged marriage?
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3149845_tn?1386354841
Hi and welcome!
You were aware of this relationship from day one with your husband so just be cool and let this drama ride itself out. Ive noticed that family members can be very close but it is a back and forth thing. One day close and the next day fighting as the same whats happening now with them. Eventually they will find an level ground for communication as the sister will find her mate which will take her focus on him.
The sister is the biggest problem here. She is (was) intentionally catering to your husbands ego to get him to break from you. Men can be really silly when a woman does and says everything they want to hear, and especially when its a sister (i assume she is younger than him) as is a big brother ego trip.
Your husband is just being manipulated by her and he so immature that he cant see it.  You must love him very much to have put up with this but your love that you are showing him is also revealing your weaknesses to him.
If you want to make this work, use the same tactics that the sister used as he is a sucker for this attention. He has the power over you and you need to get some power over him. It is obvious that you try not to push his buttons as are insecure about his feelings for you, but you should not compromise your personality to the degree that you have as most men will take advantage of this and eventually loose respect.
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How old are You and Your Husband and His Sister/Cousin?

Is the plan for Her to still come live with You when She graduates?  I don't  think Your Marriage would survive with Sister/Cousin in Your household.  

I would seek couples therapy in the hope Hubby can come to see this behavior as a bit bizarre?  

Good Luck
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Yes this was an arranged marriage
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973741_tn?1342346373
Is the plan for her to marry also??  

do you have any recourse about this marriage?
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I'm 25 and my husband is 28. His sister is 20. There's still 6 months left for her graduation. Im panicky
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Thank you Life360. Actually I was not aware of their relationship from day one. Mine was an arranged marriage. He never mentioned his sister first time he saw me. I got to know about them few weeks before our engagement. It was too late for me to cancel the engagement too
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