Aa
advice - relationship
Hi, I would like to ask for an advice on this matter:
My girlfriend works as a Dr. in the hospital and during the last couple of years she has developed a close relationship with one of her colleagues.
During the last two years we have been in different countries but now we are in the same country although in different cities.
My problem is that whenever she talks to me about him she does it in a praising way; he is very intelligent, funny, good to work with, etc.
Sometimes I have tried to overlook these comments and other times I become grumpy and discontent. If I ask her more about him, then she talks even more showing a genuinely interest on him.
This makes me angry and to some extent is straining our conversations and moments. Our ages around 28 to 30 years old now – am I being over jealous?
Many thanks for your help.
Kind regards,
Carlos
My girlfriend works as a Dr. in the hospital and during the last couple of years she has developed a close relationship with one of her colleagues.
During the last two years we have been in different countries but now we are in the same country although in different cities.
My problem is that whenever she talks to me about him she does it in a praising way; he is very intelligent, funny, good to work with, etc.
Sometimes I have tried to overlook these comments and other times I become grumpy and discontent. If I ask her more about him, then she talks even more showing a genuinely interest on him.
This makes me angry and to some extent is straining our conversations and moments. Our ages around 28 to 30 years old now – am I being over jealous?
Many thanks for your help.
Kind regards,
Carlos
I agree with all of the replies you've gotten thus far.
I think your feelings and concern are understandable and valid. Hopefully, as you two more toward combining your lives in a more permanent way, some of those insecurities will go away.
One thing I think is important to keep in mind is that your GF is a doctor, and while of course doctors aren't exempt from being unfaithful to their partners, there is usually a lot at stake, that most choose not to risk...especially when they're still in the intern/resident phases. Plus, people who set out to be doctors almost HAVE to be VERY dedicated and VERY goal focused, and I know from first hand experience that during residency, their schedules are BRUTAL, sometimes working MANY days straight. Maybe your GF has a bit of a crush on this colleague, but it sounds like there isn't anything more than that, at least from your description.
She's mentioned a few times from what you've said about certain impressions she thinks you'd have of him if you met him, which is encouraging. She may be trying to get you two together to meet, to maybe put your mind at ease a bit. I think you should tell her you WOULD like to meet her friend that spends a good bit of time with his GF. That alone may put your mind at ease, plus, it will send a message to him that you're serious about her, just in case there are underlying inappropriate thoughts going on.
Communication is definitely important, it's okay to tell your GF once in a while that her gushing about this guy frequently leaves you feeling uncomfortable.
Best of luck to you....hope you can get it all straightened out!
I think your feelings and concern are understandable and valid. Hopefully, as you two more toward combining your lives in a more permanent way, some of those insecurities will go away.
One thing I think is important to keep in mind is that your GF is a doctor, and while of course doctors aren't exempt from being unfaithful to their partners, there is usually a lot at stake, that most choose not to risk...especially when they're still in the intern/resident phases. Plus, people who set out to be doctors almost HAVE to be VERY dedicated and VERY goal focused, and I know from first hand experience that during residency, their schedules are BRUTAL, sometimes working MANY days straight. Maybe your GF has a bit of a crush on this colleague, but it sounds like there isn't anything more than that, at least from your description.
She's mentioned a few times from what you've said about certain impressions she thinks you'd have of him if you met him, which is encouraging. She may be trying to get you two together to meet, to maybe put your mind at ease a bit. I think you should tell her you WOULD like to meet her friend that spends a good bit of time with his GF. That alone may put your mind at ease, plus, it will send a message to him that you're serious about her, just in case there are underlying inappropriate thoughts going on.
Communication is definitely important, it's okay to tell your GF once in a while that her gushing about this guy frequently leaves you feeling uncomfortable.
Best of luck to you....hope you can get it all straightened out!
We have spoken to some extent about her colleague.
I suggested that they were getting close as a friends and colleagues – in a non-judgmental way.
She stated to me that not really. Whenever she talks to me about him I can recall certain phrases that made me feel uncomfortable:
“He is a decent guy and very intelligent - he is really odd but creative and clever”
“I am angry with him because he didn’t tell me about a course that was going on at work”
“He hates driving and I also hate driving. So when we were in the car he drove me back”
“If you met him, you would know what I mean, he is not what you say” (after me stating that he was not that nice because he wasn’t planning to be near his girlfriend any time in the future).
“We had a very good conversation in our way back from the hospital” – after work.
She has told me she loves me – over the phone, in conversations and text. I am going to see her hopefully this upcoming weekend.
They are going to meet two nights each week – after work, during the next 6 weeks, because they are studying together for an exam they have to qualify and being registered as Drs.
I might be being immature and oversensitive, but what is the line in between having a position of respect towards him because he is helping my girlfriend, being her friend and a good colleague, to say, hang on, there is something not right here.
I would deeply appreciate some advice.
Many thanks,
Carlos
I suggested that they were getting close as a friends and colleagues – in a non-judgmental way.
She stated to me that not really. Whenever she talks to me about him I can recall certain phrases that made me feel uncomfortable:
“He is a decent guy and very intelligent - he is really odd but creative and clever”
“I am angry with him because he didn’t tell me about a course that was going on at work”
“He hates driving and I also hate driving. So when we were in the car he drove me back”
“If you met him, you would know what I mean, he is not what you say” (after me stating that he was not that nice because he wasn’t planning to be near his girlfriend any time in the future).
“We had a very good conversation in our way back from the hospital” – after work.
She has told me she loves me – over the phone, in conversations and text. I am going to see her hopefully this upcoming weekend.
They are going to meet two nights each week – after work, during the next 6 weeks, because they are studying together for an exam they have to qualify and being registered as Drs.
I might be being immature and oversensitive, but what is the line in between having a position of respect towards him because he is helping my girlfriend, being her friend and a good colleague, to say, hang on, there is something not right here.
I would deeply appreciate some advice.
Many thanks,
Carlos
COMMUNITY LEADER
I can tell you care for her and love her. I'm sure she does too. So, try to be vulnerable and tell her how you are feeling. Let us know how that turns out. peace
We have been career minded so far and that has resulted in both of us living separate. We couldn't continue like that and I moved back to the country with another post.
We are about 2 1/2 hours apart from each other in the UK. Our plans is to go and live in London when her post ends - that is next year. We see each other 2-4 times per month either I come to stay over or she comes.
Jinx_77 I can agree with you that is most likely to be platonic. But still doesn't make me feel great. She shouldn't need a platonic if she has me?
Thank you specialmom for your comments - it has been difficult and I feel we are so close to achieve something wonderful that I think sometimes also scares me to "die on the shore" after having swum so much.
I love her, she means a lot to me.
We are about 2 1/2 hours apart from each other in the UK. Our plans is to go and live in London when her post ends - that is next year. We see each other 2-4 times per month either I come to stay over or she comes.
Jinx_77 I can agree with you that is most likely to be platonic. But still doesn't make me feel great. She shouldn't need a platonic if she has me?
Thank you specialmom for your comments - it has been difficult and I feel we are so close to achieve something wonderful that I think sometimes also scares me to "die on the shore" after having swum so much.
I love her, she means a lot to me.
ditto on the advice to have a serious talk IN PERSON with her, if at all possible. on a positive note, the fact that she openly talks about him to you points more to it being platonic in my opinion. Doctors often admire each other in ways that other professions don't. it could be absolutely nothing at all, but it is bothering you so go ahead and talk to her. be careful though because if you make it sound as if you are just a jealous person, that may not go over well.
good luck
good luck
Why don't you two live in the same city? This isn't a flip question - I think you need to really consider very seriously why the two of you choose to live in different locations.
Nearly everything in life is a choice - we just often don't see it as an actual choice and answer things like "our jobs are in different cities".
That's not the question. The questions is why have you set up your life to be like that on purpose?
Nearly everything in life is a choice - we just often don't see it as an actual choice and answer things like "our jobs are in different cities".
That's not the question. The questions is why have you set up your life to be like that on purpose?
Hi also, just be up front with her and tell her it bothers you when she talks about him. I would if this was happening to me. I think is nice that she can talk freely to you, as shows your quite close, but some things better left unsaid like mentioning how nice other men are.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome. Gosh, I think it is hard to have a long distance relationship and for so long. Congrats for making that work as I'm sure it isn't always easy.
Maybe in this case, honesty is the best policy. Maybe just telling her that when she talks about him, that you feel bad because you fear that she is growing to close and it might jeopardize the relationship the two of you have. That you are feeling vulnerable. And you don't want to make her feel bad or accuse her of ANYTHING but just that you are worried.
If you say something like that in your own words in a nice, calm way---- she will most likely react by reassuring you and perhaps rethinking her closeness to this man.
My husband had a female colleague that was calling him often. I expressed the way that made me feel and he eased out of those phone calls because it wasn't worth making me uncomfortable.
/will you two live in the same place any time soon? Do you get to see each other very often?
Maybe in this case, honesty is the best policy. Maybe just telling her that when she talks about him, that you feel bad because you fear that she is growing to close and it might jeopardize the relationship the two of you have. That you are feeling vulnerable. And you don't want to make her feel bad or accuse her of ANYTHING but just that you are worried.
If you say something like that in your own words in a nice, calm way---- she will most likely react by reassuring you and perhaps rethinking her closeness to this man.
My husband had a female colleague that was calling him often. I expressed the way that made me feel and he eased out of those phone calls because it wasn't worth making me uncomfortable.
/will you two live in the same place any time soon? Do you get to see each other very often?
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
