anyone have success story for spouse's porn addiction?

[jazzyben]

Does anyone have any success stories regarding porn/ masturbation issues with their spouse?? I am ready to bail and i really could use some positive words. I love him and I know he wants to stop but gets frustrated and caves. I am getting so tired of it all tho. I told him last night that I wanted to postpone our wedding and he was very upset- I'm not sure what will happen from here.

[cmansmom]

My bf looks at it. I used to break the dvds/throw mags away, etc. That feeling of first finding it sucks. Its like 'whats wrong with me?'...

But..

The way i see it , is, if hes gonna look, he'll find a way to look. The highlight is, its just some strange woman in a vid/mag, not a real woman in his bed.

[AnimlNitr8]

I am 32 and my husband is 49. We were just married this past summer. I recently discovered that my husband looks at porn while I am sitting in the same room with him. I discovered it by accident...he was sitting in our chair with the mirror behind it while he was on his laptop. I got up to get my own laptop and saw his computer screen in the mirror. He saw me looking (more like gawking, because I was in shock), and quickly collapsed the window that the picture was in. So he knows I saw what he was looking at. Neither of us said anything. I was in too much shock to say anything and didn't want to explode, so I just kept my mouth shut. Now, I can't help but notice that finding out that he looks at internet porn (even while I am sitting in the room with him) has changed the way I feel about him and the way I feel about myself (I'm sure he did this before we were married, but I never knew because we didn't live together). I am totally disgusted with him. I don't even want to sleep in the same bed as him anymore, and most of the time I stay up watching tv all night (it is now 4:30 am here) until I pass out on the couch. My view of myself has changed too. I am not ugly, though I now feel very ugly, and undesirable. I don't like sex much. I think it is boring, because I am one of the unfortunate women in this world who does not have orgasms during intercourse (I don't lie there like a dead fish either...I try to make him think I am enjoying it and I actively participate...I do not fake orgasm though, because that would only be a lie and an insult and I don't play that way). The only way I can achieve orgasm (with a partner) is through oral sex...which I rarely get because once he gets his, he just rolls over and falls asleep...leaving me to take care of myself. Now, even though I don't like sex, I have never deprived my husband of sex...in fact, if I ever want sex (I do crave the feeling of being close with my husband and I do want to make him feel good), I have to initiate it...which was getting pretty boring anyway. He never initiates, which, compounded by him looking at internet porn, just makes me feel even uglier and more undesirable. I feel like he is lying to me, and I am deeply insulted and hurt and even lonely. I keep wondering what is wrong with me that he would rather look at these strangers nude online than be with me. I have even gone so far as to just walk around the house naked to see if I could get ANY reaction from him and he just sits and stares at his computer. What kind of man would rather look at pictures online than take advantage of the naked woman in the room with him? And believe me, he is lucky to have me. I don't know many other women (my age...remember, I am 32) who would accept that he sometimes has a difficult time staying erect because of a medication he is on. I am very patient when it comes to that, and I have NEVER failed to get him up and make him explode. We got married in July and I can count on my 2 hands how many times we've had sex since then. We had more sex before we got married, when we didn't live together. And now if we do have sex, I will be wondering which one of his internet sluts he is fantasizing about while I am the one lying there with him. It is extremely disturbing to know that my husband likes to look at other naked women and to feel like he would rather look at them than look at me. I feel it is very disrespectful of me and my feelings...and make no mistake, it is damaging our marriage...which isn't even 6 months old yet. I don't even want to bring it up with him because it is Christmas and even though I already feel like garbage, I don't want to totally ruin Christmas. I guess I should bring it up after Christmas. And my next step is going to be to find his stash of pictures on his computer and delete them and his online bookmarks. I don't care if it annoys him either because I have been hurting for a while now. I feel like I can't trust him. I guess most guys don't see internet porn as a big deal, but to me, and I'm sure to many other women, it is just as bad as cheating. So don't try to tell me it's not a big deal, because it IS a big deal to ME. How would you men who don't think it's a big deal feel about your woman pleasing herself while looking at another man??? Sure, some of you wouldn't care, but I'm sure a lot of you would flip out just like I am...

[crazywillie]

I posted the thread above but something just came to mind.

I have been married 3 times, had 4 defacto wives, one of the reasons why I used to watch porn was because I did not have sex with my partner as much as I would have liked.

I have already stated that since my teens I had a strong sex drive, each and every partner I had with the exception of my current wife (who I have been with for over 20 years) came on strong for a while then things started to fall off.

There is nothing worse than having a partner that you think is sexually compatible only to find out a few months later that they are not, OK early in a relationship love making can be just about every night, (Lust), then it drops off to once or twice a week, then Birthday, Fathers Day if your lucky New Years Eve.

Now I understand that it is not just a Guy problem, there must be an equal amount of Women in the same situation, I think it is very sad, also one of the things that help to push people into Porn, no its not just a Male addiction there are lost of Women that view Porn also.

Judging by my past experience being incompatible is a major problem, no Man in his right mind would force himself onto his Wife, I have always considered myself to be a considerate lover, always helping my partner to achieve orgasm before myself.

I have to say to Women and Men if you have a partner that has a much stronger sex drive than you do let them loose, tou are realy only asking for heartache later in your relationship, this sounds very harsh but realistic.

I loved every women I ever made love to, I am sure they loved me also, love is not enough to build a Marriage on, people have to have the same attitude towards sex and everything else that makes a Marriage or Partnership.

I have never expected a partner of mine to perform like a sex object, neither have I expected them to be available 24 hours a day for sex, I just wish I had known that some of my partners were trying to impress at first only to stop further down the track.

Ladies please dont jump on me for the above statement, as I said this applies to Women as much as Men.

Thank You.

[crazywillie]

When I was young I didnt need porn to stimulate me, I used to buy a video every now and then but after watching it a couple of times I smashed it with a hammer and threw it in the trash can.

That was then, now is now, I am 64 yrs old and still have a strong sex drive, my darling Wife is 66, she has lost her sex drive, we still get together every now and then but not very often.

My wife knows that I have a strong sex drive she also undestands that I have a need to relieve myself, she is fine with me doing that, she knows I look at porn, she also understands that by by looking at it I get pretty sexed up and finish what I am doing without much effort, I guess its all in the brain.

I understand what our friends have said above re porn and masturbation, yes in a way it is evil but golly its a whole lot better than having a sexual affair with another woman, or doing other filthy things.
I am one of the people that can control himself enough not to stray or expect my wife to perform like a sex pot (Yikes), to me I find porn and masturbation helps me to stay sane.

I think it is stupid to put every person that looks at porn into the same group, yes there are those that crave other things after viewing but I have a feeling it is the small minority, what I do by myself is no one elses business, I am not hurting anyone else.

To the young lady that has a problem with her BF watching porn, it may just be a fad as it was with me, I hope he gets over it, I am sure he doesnt need it when he has a willing partner like yourself, good luck.

[christian11]

I had been a porn addict for several years and I realized that quite early but I never thought of it to be a major problem then. I, probably, was waiting for things to happen rather than taking action and I also enjoyed porn. Later after I got married I started to feel the pinch as I preferred porn  over sex with my wife. it started showing up in my wifes behavior towards me, it got to a point where she nearly divorced me. That was the wake up call and I started taking this porn thingy seriously and put in all my efforts to quit. It wasn't an easy job but my wife helped me throughout, she also introduced me to a discussion board http://www.throughtheflame.org where I found many people who were facing the same problem as myself and discussing with them help to a great extent as well.
You have to realize here that fighting against porn for an individual is a battle that lasts for a lifetime, first of all the person affected needs to realize that porn is causing problems to himself and the one he cares, if you can feed this thought into his mind then half the battle is won.

Regards
Christian

[Chessington]

Hi Jazzben,

Porn is evil. I have been trying to stop watching porn for 30 years. I am totally ashamed and disgusted with it, but it always creeps in back again. There are web filters available such as We-blocker.com, but I am too shy to tell my spouse to put in a password. Sorry, but I think that pornography is the modern evil of so called free society.