anyone have success story for spouse's porn addiction?

[jazzyben]

Does anyone have any success stories regarding porn/ masturbation issues with their spouse?? I am ready to bail and i really could use some positive words. I love him and I know he wants to stop but gets frustrated and caves. I am getting so tired of it all tho. I told him last night that I wanted to postpone our wedding and he was very upset- I'm not sure what will happen from here.

[lyndsaymay]

Yes, it hurt my self-esteem greatly, which I realize now, that's crazy because it was HIS behaviour and HIS choices. It gets so addicting and I hate to say it, the addicts end up looking for much younger women to look at which then leads to other possible issues. Without intensive counseling and therapy, it is rarely controlled from what I have read/understood/experienced. It is a coping mechanism for these men and they can rationalize it to the point where it is acceptable in their minds and it is only for "entertainment" as they see it. The problem is, if there is ANY  issue in a marriage that causes the other partner to feel uncomfortable or less worthy, it is up to that person to stop that behaviour on behalf of the spouse in order that the spouse feels loved and appreciated. I wish you all the best and I hope you get to the point where you realize that you are pretty, beautiful and you don't need someone in your life who is emotionally unavailable and selfish (this behaviour is very self-centered and all consuming). You deserve better. I told my guy if he reformed, then fine, find me then. He couldn't or chose not to--he chose the behaviour over me.

[lyndsaymay]

I'll be honest with you, it is just like any other addiction and he will need counseling and help and then he will have to change his behavior for this all to change in his life. It is a very addictive addiction, just like drugs or alcohol, so you have to be prepared for a long recovery and relapses and knowing that while he may never be "cured" he may have changed his thinking/behavior patterns and it can stop. He also needs to address the underlying reasons for this, most likely insecurities, etc. and get some counseling that will help him deal with this so that he can make positive connections with you (porn is very isolating and will make him disconnect from you and everyone else). He will need to learn how to build a healthy relationship with a "real" person, rather than a fantasy. You may wish to suggest, though, that he receives counseling prior to your wedding because this addition can be very damaging to a relationship, especially when you want to make a clean, fresh beginning and make good memories from the start. Hope this helps, I wish I could offer you more, sadly it was part of the reason my ex and I did not work out.