bun in the oven

[thenextRonaldinho]

I am turning 21 and have a baby on the way
this is no laghing matter let me tell you

abortion is out of the question..and i dont have a problem with that...the problem is money
she has no income..currently schooling..im currently in university..awaiting my time to study abroad coming this summer

im leaving for europe to persue an athletic dream (about 2 months before shes due.
heres the problem ..she wants me to give up something i've worked for my whole life..knowing its going to be extremtly tough on her alone.

at the same time i feel guilty thus debating a change in plans.
our relationship is heading down dramaticly spirtually..and if you did the math...you know we are not sexually active.
.shes developing a passionate Hate towards me..assuming im never gonna return

its coome down to if i leave ...were finished...and i dont want this..thus torn between the life with her here...or a career iv'e dreamed about for decades.

my question----what would you do.?

[barn babe]

Is abortion off the table because of where she is in the pregnancy?

Because it is one option if this just isn't the right time to have a child for the two of you.

[hatrick03]

Adoption isn't just for drug addicts, lol. It's for people who aren't in a good position to be raising a child.

[lullabloom]

Taking her along kills 2 birds with one stone: you can persue your dream as well as see your baby grow.
I assume your gf would stay at home and care for the baby anyways so it's not like she has any commitments.

The reason I see this as an easy option is because I'm german, I've been living abroad a couple times myself and now support all foreign students at my home university, some bringing their whole family along.
Now, I have no idea which country you go to but every university has a support system helping you with all the paperwork, getting financial support (yes you can apply for that as a foreign student depending on the country), and a place to live together with your gf and baby...some universities even have student housing designed for students with children!

And whatever the university can't tell you, call the embassy of the country you go to and really, they are the most helpful people!

It's easier than you think ;)

[otot_mu_bahu]

i don't agree in giving up your dreams just because your GF got pregnant.
of course, your baby is a blessing which is the case why you are in dilemma right now.

if i were in your shoes, i would pursue my goal but i would assure my GF that i would support the child financially.  it's not that i'm leaving because i want to get away from this responsibility but this is also for the future of the child.

on the other hand, it may likely be a good choice in staying with your GF, in anyway since you can be with your child.  However, as you have said, your relationship is already at bay.  Nonetheless, it will still come to an end wherein both of you will suffer, plus the child.  and of course there will also come a time when everything falls apart, you may find yourself blaming her for everything (like giving up your dreams).

So i say, go on with your dreams.

that's just an opinion...thanks

[hatrick03]

You said abortion is out of the question. What about adoption? Your situation is not a good one. She has no income. What is she planning to do - make her family pay for it? I'm assuming she wants you to quit school and work? You're sure that you'll lose your opportunity to finish school if you opt out of the soccer trip? My 19-year-old brother is a soccer player too, on scholorship - if he doesn't play soccer, he doesn't get the scholorship. But, say he got a girl back at home pregnant. I think my family would expect him to do the right thing, get a job and go to community college. Yes, he's an adult, but my parents pay for his apartment and car, so things could get difficult for him if he didn't listen to them. This is your CHILD - you made the choice to procreate, so now you need to take responsibility. You both need to put your differences aside and think about the child. If she keeps the baby, can continue your education locally?

People need to make more responsible choices and realize that unplanned pregnancies have an impact on our society, and also, every new person we add to the planet impacts its environment - it's not just about you and your personal problems. I hate to preach, but with all of the birth control methods out there, and the fact that sex is a choice, not a must have, it's troubling to read about these things.

[RockRose]

There are a lot of things to consider here.  

Men who are in the military do exactly what you are hoping to do - they go off for a year,  because of career demands.  Men who are in med school when their wives or girlfriends accidentally become pregnant don't suddenly free up all their time,  they are basically absent.  

So I can see the perspective that you should continue your plans,  but can you do that while maintaining a family  commitment.   It seems like you have ENORMOUS plans,  and you have had those plans all along.

SO.  What kind of commitment do you have to her?    Would she feel differently if you married her,  and then went on to fulfill your other dreams?  

Is there a possibility she could come live with you after the baby is born?

I'm kind of curious how this pregnancy happened - (not the nitty gritty details,  obviously).  You seem very very focused,  and it's kind of hard to believe in this day with the morning after pill,  a pregnancy would be an accident like this for two educated people.  

I really sense your yearning to reach your very high goals,   and I hope somehow you are able to compromise and still not abandon your child.

Best wishes.