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My boyfriend moved in to my house three years ago, He was out of work for nine months and  He  started to  remodel my kitchen, which is still not finished and do some repairs which I paid for all material and I Also took him on a week vacation to Key West as a thank you.. Question is we always fight over money. He pays the oil bill three thousand this year but that is it. He doesn"t help with nothing else says he only eats alittle and doesnt want to help with that bill (Ihave two young adults sons that live with me). Everytime I bring up about helping we fight and he says he is moving out.but never does. He uses all my appiliances, so if anything breaks or wears out I have to pay He says it's not his. How can I get him to give me some money towards taxes, upkeep, food etc.. All the bills are in my name cause every thing is mine. Any thing I can do to change him?

Hypersonya · Answer

Let me guess, whenever something goes wrong one of your son's did it right?  He must think he is one of your sons (if they are freeloading) only you didn't pop him out of your vagina. Any man worth a damn would be helping you any way he can and that includes your son's if they are not.  I would give them all walking papers starting with individuals that are not related.  If the sex is good then consider how much you are paying to support him and figure out if it's worth it.  I doubt it is, my experience when they take advantage of you financially it is also physically because they don't respect you. No one deserves to feel unappreciated and not respected.  he tore your kitchen apart so he could manipulate your further and you will keep him around which it's still probably not done and never will be.

Londres70 · Answer

All three men (sons and bf) are "freeloading" and I would say it's time to get rid of the deadweight.

If you don't know how to quit enabling these men.....that's what you are doing.... then seek some professional counseling to give you the tools to deal with this rotten situation. 

"How can I get him to give me some money towards taxes, upkeep, food etc.. All the bills are in my name cause every thing is mine. Any thing I can do to change him?"........He will probably NEVER give you anything more than you are getting.  Secondly, you can't change people hon.  You need to accept people for how they are when you get involved with them.  Thinking someone will change AFTER getting involved with you is pointless and a WASTE of time.  You have to FIND a man who is already the way you WANT him to be.

specialmom · Answer

Home shouldn't 'FEEL' this way to you.  it sounds awful.  I think it is time you just ask him to leave.  Your kids you can begin setting limits with regarding what you pay for but the dead weight of a guy, ask him to go.  goodl uck

kilika78 · Answer

Yes I have three adults living here. I am tired of supporting all of them. Have to put my foot down . I need to make the first move to get rid of them.  Let them grow up on their own.

kilika78 · Answer

you are right with that. I will have to change.

kilika78 · Answer

Yes sounds like a good idea. He is away working in another state. (thank god lol). So when and if he gets time off and come home will have to make sure I tell him not to use my stuff. Hopefully I will know far enough ahead of time to empty out the cabinets and refrigerator. He will have to take me out to eat or starve.

specialmom · Answer

BTW, I'm a stay at home mom.  My husband is our financial provider.  BUT, this agreed upon and I know what my role is in the situation.  Very different than someone that has a good 'deal' and doesn't want to give that up.  ugh. good luck dear

specialmom · Answer

Hi there.  Well, it sounds like you have three adult children living at home with you.  Do the other adult children pay any rent or expenses?  I'm just asking because all three--  your partner and adult kids really need to be contributing members of society.  And THAT means paying their way to live.  Otherwise, you are enabling them to live like babies with a mom taking care of them (including the boyfriend here).  I'd put up with that for a nanosecond.  all three contribute to mortgage, taxes, insurance, electric, food, cable, phone, etc.  No way are you supposed to be in the position of providing for everyone.  

And if he doesn't pay (the boyfriend)---  yes, best thing is for him to go.  good luck

TTinKKerBBell · Answer

No, You will not change Him!  He already knows what You would like from Him as I'm sure You've expressed this many times.
 
It's for You to decide:
As Is
or 
Not at all

(P.S.  It doesn't take 3 years to remodel a kitchen)

cutipup100 · Answer

Ahmen!! You do not deserve this he just takes takes and takes time to give him an untimatum or just make him leave. That is not fair to you.

KensleysMom · Answer

Exactly life360, my mom taught me if you have a man in your life and your life isnt easier, he serves no purpose. Since everytime you need help he likes to say "its yours" make sure you say that everytime he wants to wash his behind with your hot water, watch tv with your electricity. He shouldnt have to tell you he is moving out you should have kicked him out.

Life360_Dave · Answer

Hi and welcome. There used to be a phrase "dead beat" and you might have one on your hands. The way to get him up and running is to use the wrath that women are capable of showing. Most men will buckle in their knees when the wrath of a women comes out. He needs you for the financial stability and a secure roof over his head. The power lies in your hands.