confused...

[sweetpea03]

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months and love him dearly. He is great. We had spent yesterday together and ended up just watching tv last night after swimming in the pool for a while. I was playing with his iphone with some of the fun apps and when he got a text message had accidentally hit the button to look at it. I don't like to go through his phone, don't feel the need to. Though when I saw the text, I was a little confused. When ever I talk to him about the future, he always says how he loves me so much and wants to marry me. We talked about getting engaged in maybe December or January, and getting married in the fall or the next spring. Though we'd wait to have kids until I have my degree. Well the text message was from his old manager from his previous job, he recently transferred to a new bank. On the messages(it has the whole conversation on it) I saw on the top that she had asked how him and I were doing. My boyfriend said we were doing well and were happy. Then she said not to put his school on the back burner, as he is so close to graduating. (he'll graduate this year). He said he wouldn't and will make sure he graduates and that she is invited to come to his graduation. She laughed and said she better be invited and better be invited to the wedding too. And then this is where I get confused... The nect thing he wrote back was that she definitely would be invited to the graduation, but that it was too early to think about getting married. He wrote "I really like her a lot, but it's too early to get married". Is he having second thoughts? The he wrote "if we get married, then you'll be invited".. if?? I guess we're not really on the same page if he's telling her this. Is he just playing with me, telling me we'll get married, but doesn't plan to? The new text from her was just asking him how he was doing, but I did see all the previous ones above it, which is what I am asking about. I don't know where I stand anymore with him. I don't get it. I asked him about what he had written on the text and he assured me that he wants to marry me, it will happen. He said he just wrote that because he didn't want her to think we are moving too fast or have her think wrong of us. ? Am I reading too much into this?

[mami1323]

Well maybe they aren't really your friends.  Friends would be happy for you regardless of how old your boyfriend is.  

[sweetpea03]

Thanks. We've talked a lot about what we want in the future and where we are now. We're back on the same page again. He is a great guy and I love him to death. We're both very excited for the future and getting engaged later on. Though with all of the excitement, I can't help but feel hurt at the same time. My boyfriend is almost 11 years older and I know not everyone agrees with our relationship, which is fine, that's their opinion. Though it's hurtful that when we're so excited, that not many other people will join in with the excitement. It's great when you can share the excitement and have that love and support from family and friends! I don't really get that from my friends, though my family is pretty good about it all. I've talked to friends about why they disapprove, but they all tend to beat around the bush and never give me a straight answer. I still want them to give him a chance. He's a great guy. I felt horrible last night when my bf and I were talking and he got teary eyed saying he felt like it's all his fault for my friends being so weird. I just sat that hugging him. I hate that my friends are so lame, that they can't grow up and realize there's more to him than his age. It really breaks my heart..

[specialmom]

Hm.  Well, maybe you are expecting too much, to be honest.  8 months is long but not that long.  Maybe he is chugging right along and things are going great and he is happy as he wrote.  Maybe he is leaning torwards you are the girl he wants to marry.  He's had conversations with you to see where you two are at. But you are not engaged yet.  You say not until Dec or Jan.  So, it is too soon to talk weddings and such.  Just relax.  If you freak out about this and start quetsioning him about wanting to marry you etc., it will put pressure on things that doesn't need to be there.  Just take it as some texts and  move the relationship forward at the pace it is.  
Relationships progress, they are not written out ahead of time.  He is telling you that he loves you and sees you two marrying.  That does not mean he has a ring and a date yet.  

If you think that he is trying to keep his options open----------- that is another story.  But this doesn't really sound that way.  Some men keep their relationship close to the vest and private.  good luck

[sweetpea03]

I just want him to be honest with me. We talked before about not letting others opinions affect us, we have a big age gap, so we've gotten a lot of comments. Though we just don't let it bother us, for the most part. We're not talking about getting married now, but were just talk about getting married in another year ish. What he tells me is just different from what he's told his boss and a friend, just found that one out. I want to know if he is telling me the truth or if he's just saying it to keep me around. I've known guys to say things just because they know that's what the girl wants to hear.

[iam1butterfly]

So, maybe where he wrote, "if" he should have written, "when" and, it was a poor choice of words on his part. Then again, I don't buy the "...[I] wrote that because [I] didn't want her to think were moving too fast or have her think wrong of us" explanation.
Really now, what does it matter what her opinion is about the speed or the direction of your relationship?

[mami1323]

Well in my opinion I would go by what he says to you and not her.  Maybe he thinks she will judge his decisions and so he just said it so she wouldn't think anything.  But I agree, you've only been together 8 months, and so I would just relax.  If everything else is going good in the relationship than I wouldn't worry too much about it.  To make yourself feel better, perhaps come up with a mental timeline and then worry about it then.  But I understand how you feel, you don't want to waste time with someone who doesn't want the same thing you do.  

[sweetpea03]

If he doesn't want to, I don't get why he just won't tell me.. I don't like finding out about how he feels through a text to someone else.

[imanaddict]

You have only been together for 8 months, so this does not surprise me that he's acting this way about marriage.