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ex playing mind games?
Hi. I hope my question pertains to this forum. Currently, I am extremely happy with my relationship. In fact, I am engaged and I will be wed in August. I dated this woman for two months and there was absolutely no doubt in my mind so I proposed to her so we are happily moving on. Now the problem comes with a 26-yr old woman I dated from May-September in 2009. I could not say I was in a relationship with her in any sense but the relation was that I was helping her straighten her life. She doesn't even have a GED, why that is the case is a very long story but in a nutshell she grew up in terrible conditions. I was not in love with her in any way but I had never felt more compassion for any one. So I helped her financially, morally, emotionally throughout the summer. With all these, she always seduced me to have sex with her. She had very strong feelings for me albeit the fact that I made it clear there was no future for the two of us together. After arguments all the time, I left and did not see her for several months but she would call needing help and I would wire her money to avoid seeing her and getting tempted into sleeping with her. She has a history of deceit and lies. She lied about how she lost rent money that I gave her while she blew it on alcohol and weed. She lied about getting raped by a guy that the two of us hanged out with who is a very long time friend of hers.
In any case, I told her that I am now in a serious relationship and can't see her all too often but I would help in any way. She started getting more and more agitated and desperate. My compassion took over early in January and went to see her. As usual, after a couple of hours, she manages to seduce me again and put me in bed. She gave me the condom, we had a very quick intercourse as I was extremely uncomfortable. Nothing out of the ordinary though, I was very aware and alert. I left.
She called late last night telling me that she might be pregnant and wants to talk. Prior to that all her attempts to hang out with me and see me were futile. She was with a friend of hers who uses her all the time. Also, her own phone was disconnected, a pattern of her calling every time she needs to reconnect her phone.
Needless to say, I had never been more terrified because I am extremely happy now and I do not want to ruin this situation with my fiance.
From what I know, she is looking for money and attention. I am almost certain but the fact that there is a possibility that there is truth to this sends chills through my bones. Can someone help me ease my fears and worries? Please!!!
In any case, I told her that I am now in a serious relationship and can't see her all too often but I would help in any way. She started getting more and more agitated and desperate. My compassion took over early in January and went to see her. As usual, after a couple of hours, she manages to seduce me again and put me in bed. She gave me the condom, we had a very quick intercourse as I was extremely uncomfortable. Nothing out of the ordinary though, I was very aware and alert. I left.
She called late last night telling me that she might be pregnant and wants to talk. Prior to that all her attempts to hang out with me and see me were futile. She was with a friend of hers who uses her all the time. Also, her own phone was disconnected, a pattern of her calling every time she needs to reconnect her phone.
Needless to say, I had never been more terrified because I am extremely happy now and I do not want to ruin this situation with my fiance.
From what I know, she is looking for money and attention. I am almost certain but the fact that there is a possibility that there is truth to this sends chills through my bones. Can someone help me ease my fears and worries? Please!!!
Not to cast judgment... but, you sound like a willing participant in this so called "mind game." The prudent thing would have been to sever all ties and communication with the woman in question, once you started with the current relationship... the proverbial "road to hell being paved with good intentions" comes to mind, with those good intentions being a bit self-serving.
With that said, you are now faced with the unsettling possibility of fatherhood and, being in the awkward position of having to explain this to your current love. So, I can only imagine the "chills" that are surging within your bones. Unfortunately, the only real way to know if you fathered a child is to wait-and-see if this woman is, indeed, pregnant... and, then, have a DNA test once the child is born to determine parentage.
As for the relationship that you're in right now, I can appreciate the fact that you don't want to "ruin" things... but, in a way, you may have already done so. I think that you should tell her what happened... and go from there.
With that said, you are now faced with the unsettling possibility of fatherhood and, being in the awkward position of having to explain this to your current love. So, I can only imagine the "chills" that are surging within your bones. Unfortunately, the only real way to know if you fathered a child is to wait-and-see if this woman is, indeed, pregnant... and, then, have a DNA test once the child is born to determine parentage.
As for the relationship that you're in right now, I can appreciate the fact that you don't want to "ruin" things... but, in a way, you may have already done so. I think that you should tell her what happened... and go from there.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree with iamone1butterfly. I can't quite get past the knight in shining armour that has sex in the end. I think you need to take an honest look at yourself. That is sometimes hard to do when we don't like what we see, but it is the key to understanding why this happened and hence, how to prevent future incidents. I'm sure you realize now that you should have cut each and every tie to her when you became engaged. I will tell you from experience that I married one of those knights in shining armour---------- I don't think he slept with too many of them, but his ego was fed big time and he always felt like he was doing the right thing. These women always felt like they loved him and he didn't have those same feelings. And yet, they remained in contact. When we became engaged---------- every single one of those "friendships" ended immediately. Not because I said so but because my husband stopped playing the game. You would have been wise to stop playing the game.
Anyhoo, that is water under the bridge at this point--------- hopefully she is lying about this as she's lied to you often it sounds. Time will tell. Good luck and I'm sorry this is such a difficult situation. It feels even worse when we do it to ourselves. Lots of people do though. It is what we learn from our mistakes that makes us stronger and wiser. As I said, good luck!
Anyhoo, that is water under the bridge at this point--------- hopefully she is lying about this as she's lied to you often it sounds. Time will tell. Good luck and I'm sorry this is such a difficult situation. It feels even worse when we do it to ourselves. Lots of people do though. It is what we learn from our mistakes that makes us stronger and wiser. As I said, good luck!
Whoa, what a mess! The first thought that came to mind when you said the "ex" gave you a condom was that she may have poked holes in it with every intention of trapping you. She may have succeeded but only time will tell. If I remember correctly, a woman can only get pregnant 24 to 72 hours out of a month, during her ovulation time. In your case, the chances of her actually being pregnant are slim unless she sabotaged the condom. If she is, a DNA test will be in order once she gives birth. As for what to do about your fiance, I have no idea! If this girl is pregnant, you are going to have to come clean because she'll find out eventually. The "ex" sounds a little nutty too, and she may just try to get in contact with your fiance and fill her in on what happened, so either way, I'm afraid you may be between a rock and a hard place.
What a mess!!! The truth is that yes, you were in a relationship with her and you helped her every which way, so you pretty much led her on. No one can "seduce" you unless you want to be seduced and admit that you have now been unfaithful to your fiance.
You lead her on and now you are sowing what you reap. It's time have a serious talk with her and inform her that you are engaged to be married, so you no longer will be communicating with her in anyway. If she is pregnant, the only way to confirm if you are the father is after the infant is born to have a DNA test and if you are the father and she decides to have the baby, be a man and take on the financial responsibility for the child.
You know that if you tell your fiance that while you where engaged you cheated on her, she will leave you on the spot, so it's up to you how you want to handle your personal relationship. If you slept with this woman, it's because in a moment of weakness and lust, you didn't think of the consequences and you had unprotected sex, putting at risk you fiance for STD's or HIV. This other woman should take a pregnancy test then take it from there. If she is not pregnant, make sure to change all your phone number, e-mail and any way she can contact you, because can cause a lot of trouble in your relations. I hope this serves as a lesson on what not to do and I hope that next time you think with the head on your shoulder. Good luck. Judy
You lead her on and now you are sowing what you reap. It's time have a serious talk with her and inform her that you are engaged to be married, so you no longer will be communicating with her in anyway. If she is pregnant, the only way to confirm if you are the father is after the infant is born to have a DNA test and if you are the father and she decides to have the baby, be a man and take on the financial responsibility for the child.
You know that if you tell your fiance that while you where engaged you cheated on her, she will leave you on the spot, so it's up to you how you want to handle your personal relationship. If you slept with this woman, it's because in a moment of weakness and lust, you didn't think of the consequences and you had unprotected sex, putting at risk you fiance for STD's or HIV. This other woman should take a pregnancy test then take it from there. If she is not pregnant, make sure to change all your phone number, e-mail and any way she can contact you, because can cause a lot of trouble in your relations. I hope this serves as a lesson on what not to do and I hope that next time you think with the head on your shoulder. Good luck. Judy
Thanks all. Trust me, I have learned my lesson BIG TIME! With that said, my line of thought is more with the responder "imanaddict." I thought of may be I was being trapped but she opened the condom right in front of me. Moreover, prior to all this, I had almost left without intercourse and she was totally fine with it but things changed. She would always put the condom on and then kind of pull on it to see if it would break on the spot. She did this time around as well. I saw nothing out of the ordinary. I know I made a big mistake whatever the result is but I am more inclined to think that she is desperately needing some help. She has never ever held a job believe it or not. She is on SSI and most of it goes to her rent. Her phone bills are usually upwards of $150. So it makes me feel a lot better to think that she wants me to open the line of communication and offer her something. Because she threatened to come to my house (I believe to scare me and have her hush things up). I am not sure how much all this information helps. She was also really casually when she called. Then when I ignored her she made seven calls in a row. She re-sent the same text msg at least six times. She is very unstable. The possibility is there but I really doubt this has any truth to it. She really knows how to stress me out. She has done things to me many times to just go and tell her it is okay, what can i do for you etc. But this is just way too stressful to think about and see what can come out of it. I hope nothing bad but just a learning experience.
Oh by the way, she had said she was going to do the pregnancy test today but has not called at all all day long. I also remember her telling me how very irregular and skippy her periods are as she takes birth control pills. This was in the summer though.
One more thing. She has a seven year old child whom she has no custody for because she the government rendered her too irresponsible. I have come to also realize that she has at least a couple court cases that are of criminal nature. But I know she is capable of creating a mess like this for me.
One more thing. She has a seven year old child whom she has no custody for because she the government rendered her too irresponsible. I have come to also realize that she has at least a couple court cases that are of criminal nature. But I know she is capable of creating a mess like this for me.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay, I'm going to be frank without hurting your feelings, I hope. She did not create this mess for you----- this is 100% your doing. You must own this or you haven't learned the lesson. We make mistakes but you must learn from them or it is for not and you run the risk of repeating it.
Yes, she could have tried to trap you or could be pregnant from someone else and trying to tell you that it is yours. She would like nothing better than to be with you. As she has a questionable past (and many people with troubled backgrounds grow to be functioning adults)------ anything is possible. How in heavens name do you think that you can be in a relationship with someone you supposedly want to marry while carrying on with this woman?? All under the guise of helping her?? Your fiance will not be dumb enough to fall for that. Also, your judgement about this other woman seems to be amiss. Co dependence happens when one allows another to be destructive and ends up helping them maintain irresponsibility. Maybe a job isn't so important if you have your knight in shining armour helping you.
You are, in essence, stuck. I would bet my life that the old girlfriend isn't going to let this die and just fade off into the sunset. She will find your fiance and tell her what has been going on. Usually I would say that if you make one slip up and you are so sorry that you've learned a huge lesson-------- keep it to yourself if you can and be the best partner that ever existed from then on. In this case, you are just stuck. I think you are going to have to tell her something about this secret relationship. (and was it only one time since you've been with your fiance? I'm guessing it was more . . .) That is just my opinion. Wish it weren't so-------- but I think your fiance is going to find out and you need to be proactive on this. I really wish you luck!!
Yes, she could have tried to trap you or could be pregnant from someone else and trying to tell you that it is yours. She would like nothing better than to be with you. As she has a questionable past (and many people with troubled backgrounds grow to be functioning adults)------ anything is possible. How in heavens name do you think that you can be in a relationship with someone you supposedly want to marry while carrying on with this woman?? All under the guise of helping her?? Your fiance will not be dumb enough to fall for that. Also, your judgement about this other woman seems to be amiss. Co dependence happens when one allows another to be destructive and ends up helping them maintain irresponsibility. Maybe a job isn't so important if you have your knight in shining armour helping you.
You are, in essence, stuck. I would bet my life that the old girlfriend isn't going to let this die and just fade off into the sunset. She will find your fiance and tell her what has been going on. Usually I would say that if you make one slip up and you are so sorry that you've learned a huge lesson-------- keep it to yourself if you can and be the best partner that ever existed from then on. In this case, you are just stuck. I think you are going to have to tell her something about this secret relationship. (and was it only one time since you've been with your fiance? I'm guessing it was more . . .) That is just my opinion. Wish it weren't so-------- but I think your fiance is going to find out and you need to be proactive on this. I really wish you luck!!
1. She is pregnant with your child or
2. She was already pregnant, slept with you to pass it off as yours, or
3. She is lying about the whole thing and time will bear it out.
I promise the drama is not over and she will go to whatever limits to make it continue. If she is lying, she will soon need you to hold her hand due to miscarriage or need money for abortion. And that is if she is not.
Solution? Man up, get a pregnancy and dna test if positive. Tell your fiance and Never, Never Never put yourself in that situation again. Hard lesson to learn and may be very costly as well. Good luck.
2. She was already pregnant, slept with you to pass it off as yours, or
3. She is lying about the whole thing and time will bear it out.
I promise the drama is not over and she will go to whatever limits to make it continue. If she is lying, she will soon need you to hold her hand due to miscarriage or need money for abortion. And that is if she is not.
Solution? Man up, get a pregnancy and dna test if positive. Tell your fiance and Never, Never Never put yourself in that situation again. Hard lesson to learn and may be very costly as well. Good luck.
Thank you all again for your time and patience. I need to make a few things clear. First of all, I can assure you all that I learned my lesson. There can be absolutely no doubt about that. I have felt all the guilt and humiliation and have probably lost a few pounds just today. So now, I am here for risk assessment.
I will provide a couple more details to help determine the odds of her being pregnant. I know her pattern of lies. She called at 10:45 pm and that is usually when she has had plenty to drink or is high on something. She was with her friend who is just simply a terrible influence. Moreover, the exposure was extremely insignificant. I was well aware and alert at the time so I saw nothing that was out of ordinary. Given all this and the woman's extremely desperate situation, is there any significant probability that the woman could really be pregnant? Or is it that she is trying to black mail me? She has done that to me before by claiming that I made her move from somebody house to leave her in the middle of nowhere. That was far from true but feeling really bad about her situation anyway, I paid her two months rent, phone bills, food etc. I do know, I had a conflict of interest albeit unconsciously but I really do not deserve to be punished like this.
I will provide a couple more details to help determine the odds of her being pregnant. I know her pattern of lies. She called at 10:45 pm and that is usually when she has had plenty to drink or is high on something. She was with her friend who is just simply a terrible influence. Moreover, the exposure was extremely insignificant. I was well aware and alert at the time so I saw nothing that was out of ordinary. Given all this and the woman's extremely desperate situation, is there any significant probability that the woman could really be pregnant? Or is it that she is trying to black mail me? She has done that to me before by claiming that I made her move from somebody house to leave her in the middle of nowhere. That was far from true but feeling really bad about her situation anyway, I paid her two months rent, phone bills, food etc. I do know, I had a conflict of interest albeit unconsciously but I really do not deserve to be punished like this.
I would give this woman notta. Till she took a pregnancy test in my presence . Do not even let her pee without seeing it. Would be like her to borrow someone elses urine as well. Personally, I think she be lying, but you cannot be too sure.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree with the above. My guess is she is NOT pregnant or was pregnant before you were with her . . . but none the less, you will not know until she takes a pregnancy test. You don't have to be there--------- she can go to the doctor. Noemployment and on Si means she can go to WIC clinic and see an ob/gyn for free. I wouldn't believe a word she says until she does that. Feeling bad for her is slightly displaced, and doesn't help her, to be honest. It helps her continue bad habits.
Unfortunately though, I think your problem still stands that this woman whether pregnant or not will cause an issue with your current relationship. You need to figure out if you should risk not telling your current love and having her find out anyway. As you describe the old girlfriend, I highly doubt she will not take it to the next level and get in touch with your fiance. Pregnant or not, I'm guessing you are facing that situation in the near future. good luck
Unfortunately though, I think your problem still stands that this woman whether pregnant or not will cause an issue with your current relationship. You need to figure out if you should risk not telling your current love and having her find out anyway. As you describe the old girlfriend, I highly doubt she will not take it to the next level and get in touch with your fiance. Pregnant or not, I'm guessing you are facing that situation in the near future. good luck
Discontinue contact with this woman. She is to get a pregnancy test and take it from there, because she can make life difficult for you, if you let her. Take control of your life, wait for the pregnancy test and take it from there.
You may want to consider getting a restraining order against this woman. She sounds extremely unstable and she will bring you down with her if you don't do something about it now. I've dealt with her type before and I know how all that works. She'll threaten you with telling your fiance, stop by your house, continue the phone calls, etc if you don't help her financially. Then of course the whole "pregnancy" bit and she'll try to continue that on for months and say that you'll never see the baby, blah blah blah.
Just because she opened the condom in front of you does not mean she didn't poke holes in it beforehand. If she's as desperate as she sounds, you need to consider ALL possibilities.
Does you fiance know that you were friends with this woman in the past? My dear, you are going to have to come clean sooner or later. If you don't, it might be a LOT worse later down the line and you have already put your relationship in jeopardy. She deserves to know what she's dealing with here because she just might end up on being stalked or something. Like the others have said, cut off ALL ties with her, get an order of protection and have a talk with your fiance about the situation. This mess has to get cleaned up before you can have any kind of future with someone else. You can't go into a marriage with all this hanging over your head.
Just because she opened the condom in front of you does not mean she didn't poke holes in it beforehand. If she's as desperate as she sounds, you need to consider ALL possibilities.
Does you fiance know that you were friends with this woman in the past? My dear, you are going to have to come clean sooner or later. If you don't, it might be a LOT worse later down the line and you have already put your relationship in jeopardy. She deserves to know what she's dealing with here because she just might end up on being stalked or something. Like the others have said, cut off ALL ties with her, get an order of protection and have a talk with your fiance about the situation. This mess has to get cleaned up before you can have any kind of future with someone else. You can't go into a marriage with all this hanging over your head.
I understand you feel badly for what you have done but I think there is something to be said for your need to enable this ex of yours. You keep saying all these horrible things about her but then you fell for her "seduction". There is not one thing desirable about her and it sounds pretty dysfunctional to me. I can't understand why you keep falling for her lies. Leave her to her own demise and if she is pregnant than demand a paternity test. As far as your fiance well if this ex of yours is so deceptive and willing to stop at nothing than I think your best bet is to come clean with your fiance. But this is a lot of drama for anyone to handle so there are no guarantees if she will stay with you. Good luck and I do feel like you have a lot of self reflection to do here, irregardless if your fiance stays with you or not. You need to understand why you have allowed someone who is so callous and manipulating into your life to begin with.
"Just because she opened the condom in front of you does not mean she didn't poke holes in it beforehand. If she's as desperate as she sounds, you need to consider ALL possibilities." That statement just sends my anxiety level and fear out of charts. I am extremely paranoid now. Because for one minute all the details leading to that incident add up to some sort of setup and for another minute nothing adds up to her being pregnant.
She called me at 9:30 last night but I ignored her call. She never left a message nor did she call back. That was the same number she called from the night before. That looks like a new number or someone's phone. In any case, if I call and ask her about this, she will sense my fear immediately and milk this to the fullest. If there is any truth to this on the other hand, I want to see what my chances are of her aborting.
Do small pin holes on a condom actually have a high probability of resulting in pregnancy? This is assuming she did that. On the one hand, I tend to think she is capable of doing that on the other hand, being pregnant for her would give her no benefits. She has a seven year old child whose custody she never had from day one. Her baby's dady put a restraining order against her. She has a couple court cases. She knows and worries about all these things I know. She really wants to have her child back and she always says she wants to better herself. She went back to school etc. Please someone tell me something good. I am like a little child right now. I brought this onto myself so please don't make me feel bad any more. Just please tell me from what I am saying that it is possible she is making this up. Does any of what I wrote make anyone feel like she is faking this?
She called me at 9:30 last night but I ignored her call. She never left a message nor did she call back. That was the same number she called from the night before. That looks like a new number or someone's phone. In any case, if I call and ask her about this, she will sense my fear immediately and milk this to the fullest. If there is any truth to this on the other hand, I want to see what my chances are of her aborting.
Do small pin holes on a condom actually have a high probability of resulting in pregnancy? This is assuming she did that. On the one hand, I tend to think she is capable of doing that on the other hand, being pregnant for her would give her no benefits. She has a seven year old child whose custody she never had from day one. Her baby's dady put a restraining order against her. She has a couple court cases. She knows and worries about all these things I know. She really wants to have her child back and she always says she wants to better herself. She went back to school etc. Please someone tell me something good. I am like a little child right now. I brought this onto myself so please don't make me feel bad any more. Just please tell me from what I am saying that it is possible she is making this up. Does any of what I wrote make anyone feel like she is faking this?
There is no way to know if she's making it up or not. She sounds pretty unstable so whose to say what she could be capable of. Your only relief would be to tell your fiance so that at least you can get that weight off your shoulders. But really you play you pay. Sorry if that is harsh but these are the consequences to infidelity. I hope for your sake she's lying but with her history you can go either way with this.
I feel terrible for making your anxiety level worse! That wasn't my intention, just didn't want you to be caught off guard with something so outrageous as that because it does happen, and yes, a woman can get pregnant that way. Whether or not she actually did this, who knows. And whether or not she's actually pregnant, probably not, but of course only time will tell. You wouldn't believe the number of stories there is on MedHelp about women faking pregnancies to keep a man. I know I've posted answers on MANY.
MAJOR DEVELOPMENT:
I manned up and called her. She was "happy to hear from me." She was slightly upset that I hanged up on her. To make this short, she asked me if I had tampered with the condom on that day. I reversed the question to her and she adamantly said no, in fact she was rather offended and claimed that she is not that vindictive. Now the absolute brightest side of the story is that there is another MAN involved and she told me that he is her boyfriend. She knew him for many years but they went out on her birthday (12/8/2009). They had sex that night "for the first time." Ever since, she told me that they have sex multiple times at every opportune day WITH NO CONDOMS. I was talking to her really in a sweet way just to not aggravate her. She sounded very sincere. She had told me about the guy on that day but she probably thought it was going to hurt my feelings and claimed that I was the last person she had sex with prior to the day in question now. She would not tell me too much more but I could sense that there was a good mutual feeling between the two of them. But all of these had slipped my mind.
In all honesty, she only lies when she needs money. Her lies are usually also very obvious, she normally knows that I know she is lying but she would just go with it to get the help she needs. Sorry for the digression.
She said she is pregnant according to the test she did yesterday but she said she will do the ultrasound to see "how long it has been." She is very well informed with these kinds of things. She is not pointing fingers at me. She is only saying she wants to be sure where to point in terms of who she is pregnant by. She admitted to me herself that I will be very unlikely because she said the other guy is who she has sex with with no condoms because she said she has been on birth control since "January 2009." On something called marina or something like that. Moreover, she said her last period was early in December (shortly before she started sleeping with the other guy) but I slept with her to the best of my deductive skills on Jan 02 2010 (which would be a little ways off from her ovulation too). She has talked to the other guy who she says has no children yet but wants one. She really sounded like she wants to pin it to him and rule out any possibility of me being the responsible party. She has nothing but good things to say about him, that is a good sign. Well, what do you guys think?
With regards to my fiance, I had not told her I was engaged but this time around I told her that my fiance (girl friend) rather was a terrible person and robbed me and what not. I told her she left me. If she had any remote ideas of using her as a weapon, it is gone because she totally bought the story. I felt guilty about lying, however.
I now feel like I am most likely off the hook which leads me in to bringing my fiance to the picture. I will still hold on to be 100% sure but once that is the case, I will tell her every single thing. At the very least, by then, I will not have ruined her life by bringing a huge baggage and having to leave me after she invested all her beautiful heart, sincerity, and love to a corrupt person like me. Needless to say, except for this despicable transgression, I have treated her extremely well. Also my main fear with all of this has been ruining my fiance's life and stable life. I can take a responsibility to be a father but I do not want to humiliate and bring down an innocent person with me. Since I do not feel worthy of her time and emotions as she dearly loves me, I am seriously considering leaving her so she can find a better person. No apology is enough for this.
I manned up and called her. She was "happy to hear from me." She was slightly upset that I hanged up on her. To make this short, she asked me if I had tampered with the condom on that day. I reversed the question to her and she adamantly said no, in fact she was rather offended and claimed that she is not that vindictive. Now the absolute brightest side of the story is that there is another MAN involved and she told me that he is her boyfriend. She knew him for many years but they went out on her birthday (12/8/2009). They had sex that night "for the first time." Ever since, she told me that they have sex multiple times at every opportune day WITH NO CONDOMS. I was talking to her really in a sweet way just to not aggravate her. She sounded very sincere. She had told me about the guy on that day but she probably thought it was going to hurt my feelings and claimed that I was the last person she had sex with prior to the day in question now. She would not tell me too much more but I could sense that there was a good mutual feeling between the two of them. But all of these had slipped my mind.
In all honesty, she only lies when she needs money. Her lies are usually also very obvious, she normally knows that I know she is lying but she would just go with it to get the help she needs. Sorry for the digression.
She said she is pregnant according to the test she did yesterday but she said she will do the ultrasound to see "how long it has been." She is very well informed with these kinds of things. She is not pointing fingers at me. She is only saying she wants to be sure where to point in terms of who she is pregnant by. She admitted to me herself that I will be very unlikely because she said the other guy is who she has sex with with no condoms because she said she has been on birth control since "January 2009." On something called marina or something like that. Moreover, she said her last period was early in December (shortly before she started sleeping with the other guy) but I slept with her to the best of my deductive skills on Jan 02 2010 (which would be a little ways off from her ovulation too). She has talked to the other guy who she says has no children yet but wants one. She really sounded like she wants to pin it to him and rule out any possibility of me being the responsible party. She has nothing but good things to say about him, that is a good sign. Well, what do you guys think?
With regards to my fiance, I had not told her I was engaged but this time around I told her that my fiance (girl friend) rather was a terrible person and robbed me and what not. I told her she left me. If she had any remote ideas of using her as a weapon, it is gone because she totally bought the story. I felt guilty about lying, however.
I now feel like I am most likely off the hook which leads me in to bringing my fiance to the picture. I will still hold on to be 100% sure but once that is the case, I will tell her every single thing. At the very least, by then, I will not have ruined her life by bringing a huge baggage and having to leave me after she invested all her beautiful heart, sincerity, and love to a corrupt person like me. Needless to say, except for this despicable transgression, I have treated her extremely well. Also my main fear with all of this has been ruining my fiance's life and stable life. I can take a responsibility to be a father but I do not want to humiliate and bring down an innocent person with me. Since I do not feel worthy of her time and emotions as she dearly loves me, I am seriously considering leaving her so she can find a better person. No apology is enough for this.
Mirena is an IUD and it's very rare that a woman could get pregnant on it. It is possible but it's a very effective form of birth control. With Mirena, she won't get her period often, if ever, so that is strange as well. I'm not sure if her story holds water. If you believe her than I guess that's all that matters but even if it's most likely the other guy's the dates are too close together to even be able to tell. I'm not sure but I would be very careful with her anyway. I hope she isn't going to bother you. As for your fiance, if there is no way of her finding out that this happened and you can be a good man to her going forward, than I see no point in you having to tell her. You can save her a lot of hurt that way.
okay thanks mami1323. Since I have known her, she has always had really weird periods. Even for the one in December she said it was really spotty. She did also mention this morning that her periods are too irregular anyway. So deep down me, I was not going to count too much on that anyway. But the fact that there is this guy, that she told me about before all of this, that I used a condom and he did not does make my mind at ease a little more but like I said I am not quite completely off the hook yet. Again, she only would deceive anyone for money but for not much else. I told her that I had been thinking about wiring her some money for a while but she did not jump neither did she insist on it. She just let it slide. I told her I am in a terrible shape financially, I could only sense but her feeling sorry. I told her I am moving to Africa, she said she would love to see me before I leave. So, if she had any entrapment plans for me, something would have jumped out.
Anyway, I promise to not bother you all again. I am terribly sorry about all this but again, this thing has the potential of affecting dozens of loved ones for me so that is why I am extremely anxious.
Anyway, I promise to not bother you all again. I am terribly sorry about all this but again, this thing has the potential of affecting dozens of loved ones for me so that is why I am extremely anxious.
I wouldn't suggest wiring her any more money and leaving it all be unless she has some sort of concrete proof that she is pregnant. You may have dodged a bullet this time and it's sounding more and more promising. I sincerely hope you never make that mistake again and you can move on from this.
You are not a bother, this is what this forum is for. I hope it all works out for you. I would suggest letting go of all contact. You need a fresh start with your fiance. If you choose not to tell her, than it's best anyway to not have this other woman hanging around at all. Even on a friendship level. Good luck.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay, well you have spent enough time focasing on this old and tired relationship. Focas on your new one. Don't say you are so bad that you are thinking of breaking up with her. That would lead me to believe you are emotionally involved in the other woman. So, stick to the plan and cease all contact with old girlfriend and do your best to be a perfect partner to your new one. good luck
Time to let this go. From this point on have no contact with this woman. Avoid her like a plague. This woman was and probably will continue to be permiscous and put you at risk for an unwanted pregnancy and a possible STD. As specialmom stated, focus on you current relationship. Live and learn never to repeat this type of permiscious behavior again and forgive yourself and focus on your future with your fiance. What you do owe her is respect, fidelity and consderation, so move on with your life and it will all fall into place. Good Luck.
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