Aa
fallen in 6weeks
I met a guy 6wks ago,and have fallen inlove with him. His been divorced 3mths now and his ex wants him back but we been seeing each other for a while so he now has to make a choice. He decided he would choose me but my mom had called him and told him she thinks I'm pregnant now he won't even talk to me says I trapped him! I really love him a lot and want to make things right with him but there's so much distance between us,I'm not pregnant and I've told him that!what do I do?
Yes, I do like the direct/honest approach; say it like it is. The sugar coating does come across a bit fake to me too.
Thanks Krystal :)
Thanks Krystal :)
My goodness, Londres! You are so right! I didn't see at all how you are being harsh or rude! More people need to be more like you. I cannot stand it when people sugar coat things! In my opinion it makes one look fake. I am so happy that you ditched that piece of trash confuzzledB. What a piece of work! Ugh! I got married when I was 20 to someone I didn't really know. Long story short (it is too depressing for me) He beat me repeatedly. He broke my nose, split my lip, I have a huge scar on my chin from a time when he bashed it into a dresser (because I wouldn't be involved in a threesome) I could go on.. and that isn't the worst thing he did to me. So much worse things he did. If you are interested in knowing, feel free to PM me. I would love to help young women who are in abusive relationships. If he hits you once, he WILL do it again.
I am so glad you got out of this relationship!
And again, Londres, you are amazing!
Krystal
I am so glad you got out of this relationship!
And again, Londres, you are amazing!
Krystal
COMMUNITY LEADER
Good luck and hope you continue on this path of being you and worrying about you first.
Young lady, there is a lot of sound advice above and not much I can add to it. I'd suggest that you make yourself your priority from this point forward and just leave a serious relationship out of the mix for a while.
Look at this as solid ground work regarding your future. You are young and have plenty of time for relationships. Your potential education and well being need to be first.
Look at this as solid ground work regarding your future. You are young and have plenty of time for relationships. Your potential education and well being need to be first.
Hey, glad to see things are looking up for you.
Yes, I can be somewhat blunt and usually don't "sugar coat" anything, but I always mean well. I just love when women empower themselves.
Yes, I can be somewhat blunt and usually don't "sugar coat" anything, but I always mean well. I just love when women empower themselves.
I've found myself I really have:)I've found a job I'm living life to the fullest and let go of the trash I didn't need!thank you all for your advice you all were right and a special thanks to LONDRES you rock for being so blunt with me
You have some serious issues you must deal will and I can imagine all of that being overwhelming; I empathize with you, however, you need to work harder on building yourself up.
Are you still in counseling now? Are you still taking your meds? This is NOT going to be resolved in a short period of time as far as therapy goes. You might find you will need to go to therapy for long period of time until this is completely sorted. With that being said, get back on the meds and return to counseling if you haven't already.
You also need to try harder to change your focus, i.e. working, going to school, etc. to keep you busy in order to keep your mind distracted from this a bit so that you aren't constantly thinking about it.
This will take ALOT of time and effort; YOU MUST TRY.
Are you still in counseling now? Are you still taking your meds? This is NOT going to be resolved in a short period of time as far as therapy goes. You might find you will need to go to therapy for long period of time until this is completely sorted. With that being said, get back on the meds and return to counseling if you haven't already.
You also need to try harder to change your focus, i.e. working, going to school, etc. to keep you busy in order to keep your mind distracted from this a bit so that you aren't constantly thinking about it.
This will take ALOT of time and effort; YOU MUST TRY.
I've been for counseling and even been on meds for depression,2yrs ago I had a big break up and so much so I had to go through an abortion ever since then I haven't gotten over him or the baby so as soon as I found a guy with a kid(replacement for my baby)I held on like a leach and then finding out his so ''daddy like'' the guy that is,I can't let go I basicly found what I was looking for in this man that my x hadn't given me:(I think that's were holding on to this man has stemmed from!!
Yes, now you are talking sense. You are absolutely on point in your last post in regards to this "so called" man.
If you live in the USA :
In regards to education, you can apply for grants in order to attend school. It will require YOU to do some work looking for them, but you can do this. Your local library should a book listing all possible scholarships and grants that you might qualify for especially if you are considered low-income. Also, you can also look into schools in your area and find out what grants, etc. they offer as well. Of course, you will be looking for financial support that you DO NOT pay back. I wouldn't recommend any loan nowadays.
I am not sure what your mean by "black empowerment," however, it does NOT sound like a REASON to not try to better yourself. BTW: That is EXACTLY what you need; empowerment; sounds like you have "0" and no self-confidence which I find only the "loser men" go for because you are "easy" prey/target.
Don't just "float" from guy to guy rebelling against your mom and waste your life because you only have one dear plus you're young only once too. I am sure you can get some sort of job IF you tried. Even if it is menial work that is better than sitting around saying "poor me" I can't get a job because of them ........ or I can't do this because of that........... It is YOU holding yourself back dear; you are making excuses.
You can also try seeking work or a school in neighboring towns.
Turn down the "heat" on your mother and quit rebelling. You are really of age and she doesn't have to provide for you. Sounds like she is trying to help you dear.
I am trying to encourage you to want and do better for YOU.
I am not sure if your family situation or past relationships affected you in a manner that put you into this mindset; it is obvious something has. It wouldn't be a bad idea to look into some free counseling to help you sort your situation out.
If you live in the USA :
In regards to education, you can apply for grants in order to attend school. It will require YOU to do some work looking for them, but you can do this. Your local library should a book listing all possible scholarships and grants that you might qualify for especially if you are considered low-income. Also, you can also look into schools in your area and find out what grants, etc. they offer as well. Of course, you will be looking for financial support that you DO NOT pay back. I wouldn't recommend any loan nowadays.
I am not sure what your mean by "black empowerment," however, it does NOT sound like a REASON to not try to better yourself. BTW: That is EXACTLY what you need; empowerment; sounds like you have "0" and no self-confidence which I find only the "loser men" go for because you are "easy" prey/target.
Don't just "float" from guy to guy rebelling against your mom and waste your life because you only have one dear plus you're young only once too. I am sure you can get some sort of job IF you tried. Even if it is menial work that is better than sitting around saying "poor me" I can't get a job because of them ........ or I can't do this because of that........... It is YOU holding yourself back dear; you are making excuses.
You can also try seeking work or a school in neighboring towns.
Turn down the "heat" on your mother and quit rebelling. You are really of age and she doesn't have to provide for you. Sounds like she is trying to help you dear.
I am trying to encourage you to want and do better for YOU.
I am not sure if your family situation or past relationships affected you in a manner that put you into this mindset; it is obvious something has. It wouldn't be a bad idea to look into some free counseling to help you sort your situation out.
The reason I don't work is because its hard to find a job when you really don't have a career also beacause in S.A its probably the hardest place to find a job due to black empowerment,but that's besides the point. I don't go to school either because I can't afford to I come from a single parent home and my mom just barely makes ends meet...I do know that in order to find a good man I need to be a strong woman but basicly that was me until I met this guy his made me feel weak again and that's my fault because I allowed him too!I'm so scred to be alone and I think that's the problem here...londres I don't live with him and that was by choice so uhm I'm guessing that's a good thing!
Just need to b strong again,wake up and smell the coffee!!!I need to realise this rlsp aint going nowhere its just a matter of accepting it!!
The reason this guy knows and takes advantage of me is he knows I'm a pure rebel I would do anything not to follow rules and going against my mom is 1 of those rebel things that I do...THIS REALLY HARD FOR ME
Just need to b strong again,wake up and smell the coffee!!!I need to realise this rlsp aint going nowhere its just a matter of accepting it!!
The reason this guy knows and takes advantage of me is he knows I'm a pure rebel I would do anything not to follow rules and going against my mom is 1 of those rebel things that I do...THIS REALLY HARD FOR ME
COMMUNITY LEADER
Let me tell you one of the best ways to get a good man is to be successful and independent yourself. Why doesn't a 23 year old work? You should be working. If you go to school, you should work AND go to school. Set yourself up to be a strong woman.
And if 6 weeks into things--- you are wishing you could financially help a guy and are unhappy at times with this up and down, it is not going to have a fairy tale ending. Sorry to be blunt.
But you sound like you really need to work on your life here in general and because it isn't going great overall, you found a bit of a loser type to make you feel better about it. You are at the age in which you can set the tone for the rest of your life. Set high standards for yourself and what YOU achieve and others will follow. good luck
And if 6 weeks into things--- you are wishing you could financially help a guy and are unhappy at times with this up and down, it is not going to have a fairy tale ending. Sorry to be blunt.
But you sound like you really need to work on your life here in general and because it isn't going great overall, you found a bit of a loser type to make you feel better about it. You are at the age in which you can set the tone for the rest of your life. Set high standards for yourself and what YOU achieve and others will follow. good luck
Before you read: Not being harsh, but...................
Didn't you read any of the suggestions dear? You are 23, correct? You just seem younger in regards to your posts. At first, it sounded like you were "coming to your senses" and now you post something like this?
So what he keeps "coming back." You can say NO WAY. I mean, if you like drama, stay there.
If you are looking for happiness with him; FORGET IT.
You are worried about HIS financial troubles and you feel useless that you can't help him? WHY? Are you all living together? Please tell me no. Dear, he NEEDS TO HELP HIMSELF; HE IS OLDER THAN YOU WITH A KID. Let that be his problem. Plus, you SHOULDN'T be dependent on this man or any man to take "care" of you. Take care of yourself.
If you are living with him, GET OUT OF THERE AND GO TO YOUR MOTHER'S IF YOU CAN ASAP. Sounds like your mother wants the best for you and to keep you out of trouble (according to your previous post).
Everything will NEVER stay or be "PERFECT" with this man.
Go back to school and/or get a job and STAY SINGLE. You definitely NEED some therapy. Get YOURSELF TOGETHER and don't worry about any man. You definitely aren't able to make good choices in regards to choosing men. PLEASE GO GET HELP FOR THIS.
BTW: His ex is CORRECT. He is using you dear. In fact, he is probably using both of you.
Didn't you read any of the suggestions dear? You are 23, correct? You just seem younger in regards to your posts. At first, it sounded like you were "coming to your senses" and now you post something like this?
So what he keeps "coming back." You can say NO WAY. I mean, if you like drama, stay there.
If you are looking for happiness with him; FORGET IT.
You are worried about HIS financial troubles and you feel useless that you can't help him? WHY? Are you all living together? Please tell me no. Dear, he NEEDS TO HELP HIMSELF; HE IS OLDER THAN YOU WITH A KID. Let that be his problem. Plus, you SHOULDN'T be dependent on this man or any man to take "care" of you. Take care of yourself.
If you are living with him, GET OUT OF THERE AND GO TO YOUR MOTHER'S IF YOU CAN ASAP. Sounds like your mother wants the best for you and to keep you out of trouble (according to your previous post).
Everything will NEVER stay or be "PERFECT" with this man.
Go back to school and/or get a job and STAY SINGLE. You definitely NEED some therapy. Get YOURSELF TOGETHER and don't worry about any man. You definitely aren't able to make good choices in regards to choosing men. PLEASE GO GET HELP FOR THIS.
BTW: His ex is CORRECT. He is using you dear. In fact, he is probably using both of you.
Believe it or not we got back togther and everything just seemed so perfect again I got an inbox from his ex telling me his using me and he only loves her. I'm trying so hard to keep away but he keeps coming back I'm so unhappy again cause I don't work and his having financial trouble and I can't help him I feel useless
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ugh. You lost me when you mentioned he hit you. No 'MAN' hits a woman. Let him go and make sure you think about what make you think he was such a catch---- patterns repeat. You should see that you deserve better and hold men to higher standards---- raise the bar so that you get a decent guy. Look for signs right from the begining and don't believe in fairy tales. Love is hard work--- we all have flaws but when it is a major flaw--- we need to find that out before we believe we love someone. So, do the job of finding things out about someone early on rather than after the fact. good luck
Just like I though, disastrous. I thought a part of your story was missing.
Mom gets a "thumbs up" for what she did. She shouldn't really be meddling in your personal business at age 23, but hey, I think I would do the same if I saw my daughter in an abusive, unhealthy situation.
Seems you have been somewhat naive though, however, you are young. Look at this as a learning experience and move on. Dealing with a man with a kid and an ex wife wanting him back is NOT ideal at any age especially at 23. DON'T WASTE YOUR YOUTH ON NONSENSE.
I am not sure why such the strong attachment to this abusive man. BTW: he has been physically, emotionally and verbally abusing you fueled by unresolved issues from his marriage and God knows where or what else from. Plus, you all were only together for six weeks and you are already this attached? Not to be rude, but this is NOT normal dear.
What have your past relationships been like? Past family issues? There has got to be a story behind why you are attaching yourself so quickly and "worshpping" a man who ignores you and has abused you. I would definitely recommend talking with a therapist if this has been a pattern with you and/or if you find yourself not able to move on from this.
Let this ex-wife have him back; he is DEFINITELY no PRIZE.
Mom gets a "thumbs up" for what she did. She shouldn't really be meddling in your personal business at age 23, but hey, I think I would do the same if I saw my daughter in an abusive, unhealthy situation.
Seems you have been somewhat naive though, however, you are young. Look at this as a learning experience and move on. Dealing with a man with a kid and an ex wife wanting him back is NOT ideal at any age especially at 23. DON'T WASTE YOUR YOUTH ON NONSENSE.
I am not sure why such the strong attachment to this abusive man. BTW: he has been physically, emotionally and verbally abusing you fueled by unresolved issues from his marriage and God knows where or what else from. Plus, you all were only together for six weeks and you are already this attached? Not to be rude, but this is NOT normal dear.
What have your past relationships been like? Past family issues? There has got to be a story behind why you are attaching yourself so quickly and "worshpping" a man who ignores you and has abused you. I would definitely recommend talking with a therapist if this has been a pattern with you and/or if you find yourself not able to move on from this.
Let this ex-wife have him back; he is DEFINITELY no PRIZE.
Phew!!I feel like a total *** and oh so naïve,yes I'm only 23 much too young for this kinda relationship his 27 and yes I think its only lust but why do I worship the ground he walks on?even tho he ignores me:(I think I kinda missed out apart of my post he also hit me once because I refused to sleep with him he says I'm controlling and an extreamly selfish person and he can't be with me because I remind him of his ex...
Also I found out I'm the only girl his been having sex with so now I'm totally scared I don't need anymore complications...his ex wife has asked me to please back off as they working things out for the sake of his kid which I seem to b very attached to:(so much harder to let go now!!
Also I found out I'm the only girl his been having sex with so now I'm totally scared I don't need anymore complications...his ex wife has asked me to please back off as they working things out for the sake of his kid which I seem to b very attached to:(so much harder to let go now!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi. Well, in all honesty, I'd give this new relationship a break. He's newly divorced which can be a very emotionally draining time as well as a confusing time for people. There is a thing called 'rebound' which is real. If one is still getting over a relationship that has recently ended, they aren't fully into the new relationship. Often they screw it up royally when if they had met that person further down the road, it might have been a good thing. I think it was probably too soon for him.
So, I'd back off and give this some time to simmer. Do not desperately try to be with him like you were. He may come back or he may not.
Now, I'm one of those people that is no fun when it comes to 'love'. I believe that love grows over time. In six weeks, we might be fond of someone, infatuated, obsessed, highly interested in getting to know them better. But true love takes real time. Some WILL marry after a short quick time like that and it is the right decision for them and it works out beautifully. But I think that is more the exception than the rule. Important work is done during the dating phase. This is the time to learn all you can about someone to know if they are who we should take to the next level of having a relationship with (rather than automatically going there--- trying to introduce thought into the process rather than just reaction).
You've learned that your guy runs from a serious issue (and you're being pregnant (glad you are not) must have represented that to him). That is not a great quality in a long term partner. He may have learned that your mother gets in your business and that might be a turn off for him.
Anyway, I'd take a wait and see approach to this and let things happen naturally rather than trying to make them happen. good luck
So, I'd back off and give this some time to simmer. Do not desperately try to be with him like you were. He may come back or he may not.
Now, I'm one of those people that is no fun when it comes to 'love'. I believe that love grows over time. In six weeks, we might be fond of someone, infatuated, obsessed, highly interested in getting to know them better. But true love takes real time. Some WILL marry after a short quick time like that and it is the right decision for them and it works out beautifully. But I think that is more the exception than the rule. Important work is done during the dating phase. This is the time to learn all you can about someone to know if they are who we should take to the next level of having a relationship with (rather than automatically going there--- trying to introduce thought into the process rather than just reaction).
You've learned that your guy runs from a serious issue (and you're being pregnant (glad you are not) must have represented that to him). That is not a great quality in a long term partner. He may have learned that your mother gets in your business and that might be a turn off for him.
Anyway, I'd take a wait and see approach to this and let things happen naturally rather than trying to make them happen. good luck
6 weeks and "in love"
he's only been divorced 3 MONTHS!!!
He's considering being with his ex...after 3 month divorce?
Yeah...sounds like a great relationship. Leave and find someone who's not newly divorced. You're not in love. You're in lust.
he's only been divorced 3 MONTHS!!!
He's considering being with his ex...after 3 month divorce?
Yeah...sounds like a great relationship. Leave and find someone who's not newly divorced. You're not in love. You're in lust.
Another red flag...if he got afraid thinking you could possibly be pregnant and now isnt speaking to you...?? What do you think would happen if you continue talking to him, end up pregnant for real and then he leaves you? You would be even more devastated than if you were to leave now
Be patient but dont let him fool you. If he just got divorced and is still questioning if he wants to be with his ex wife or not, that should be a red flag immediately. It's not easy to let go, I know. However if its only been a couple mo.that that you've known this guy it should be a whole lot easier to let go. It's not worth it in the long run to be "the other girl", the backup, or the rebound for him.
6 weeks and you are in love? Plus, he has only been divorced 3 months? Sounds like a mix for disaster.
How old are you? You sound very young.
Had to make his choice between you and EX-WIFE? Hmmm......I thought divorce would have been enough to solidify his choice.
Your mother must have done this to scare him off because she had some serious concerns. If you are of age, why would your mother be meddling in your lovelife?
If he is NOT interested in your side of the story or as you say "the truth" vs something your mother told him.......hmmmmm.......I don't think you have a relationship with him my dear.
Seems like there are "bits and pieces" missing to your story/post.
How old are you? You sound very young.
Had to make his choice between you and EX-WIFE? Hmmm......I thought divorce would have been enough to solidify his choice.
Your mother must have done this to scare him off because she had some serious concerns. If you are of age, why would your mother be meddling in your lovelife?
If he is NOT interested in your side of the story or as you say "the truth" vs something your mother told him.......hmmmmm.......I don't think you have a relationship with him my dear.
Seems like there are "bits and pieces" missing to your story/post.
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