Dating or Hookin Up or What

[maggmoo]

Don't know if this is the right place to post or not, but here goes. Im hoping someone here likes to puzzle things out just for fun lol
My issue is dating relationships I guess. I'm seeing this guy and I'm not sure how to categorize what 'this' is. We've been getting together about once a week, off and on and watching movies, hanging out, eating in. We haven't really been 'going out' anywhere, except the movie theatre once, but thats not too much of an issue for me cos I'm a bit of a homebody anyway.  We end our evening s together with 'see ya later' or just 'good nite', not I'll call u on suchand such.... Then usually later the next week I'll send him a text or vise versa. He works long hours, sometimes til very late, whereas Im a basic 9-5er. We do have sex, although the last couple times we've seen each other he wasn't quite as overtly physically demonstrative as he had been previously.
Ok I just read that over and it sounded like a fancy a$$ way of saying he hasn't been pawing at me as enthusiatically as he did before lol.
.I actually enjoyed his very direct approach and he has been very touchy feely and I did like that. Here is where I must mention that my confusion on understanding this 'relationship' is stemming from the fact that I really have never actually dated. I married the highschool boyfriend, we separated over a year ago(totally done) and now I'm 40ish. The ex was not affectionate.
In fact he was so disinterested in a physical relationship with me and rebuffed any of my advaces that I habituated myself to being much less affectionate than I think I would be otherwise. I am in very good physical shape and this new guy was not at all hesitant at telling how 'hot' he thought I was, wich felt amazing as u can imagine after being ignored by the ex.
I have only been seeing this guy for a couple months realy and I guess my concerns/question would be whether this is 'dating', hookingup, or has potential to lead to 'boyfreind ' territory. I know the 'easy' way would be to just ask him--hahaha-
I don't have any gal pals to use as a sounding board for this so here I am hoping someone was willing to trudge thu all this and offer any insight
thanks for reading :)

[maggmoo]

Well, I do concede that I sound confused, lol.  I think perhaps its really a matter of deciding what it is that I want from this  guy. And not wanting to lose the pluses that I get out of our 'relationship' which includes, but is not limited to, occasionally, sex.
I think I will wait until the busy-ness of the holidays is over and then speak to him about what it is that is going on between us, hopefully by then I will have solidified my thought on the matter and gained some clairity.
Thanks ladies

[specialmom]

Casual dating is going out once in a while.  Hooking up is never going anywhere and being afraid to ask why.  Just my opinion.

I don't want to make you feel bad or embarress you but you sound like you are just hooking up even with your extra details.  good luck

[Londres70]

Well, take the suggestion that specialmom has offered about doing something outside the "usual routine."  

Not to be rude, but you do sound confused into regards to what you are doing.

If you are NOT sure what you want and/or are enjoying not being in a relationship at this time I would recommend you just SIMPLY date and NOT be having sex with anyone.  I would leave the sex for a bf/gf senario. I don't encourage or condone "casual sex" because of all the ramifications related with it.  Your relationship sounds purely like "casual sex."  In my opinion and in my experience casual dating doesn't EQUAL casual sex.  You shouldn't be exclusive UNLESS you are in a bf/gf situation and you both have agreed to this.  Casual dating means you should be dating around WITHOUT sex.  

  

[maggmoo]

Thanks for chiming in ladies.  I may need to clarify that we didnt just get togther and immediately have  sex, and we dont have sex everytime we get together.
We've ahd 3 hour phone conversations, gone out to a movie theatre, coffee, a beer etc. The last time we saw each other we went to the supermarket, then went back and prepared a meal, watched movies...we spent about 8 hours together.  
If you picked up on some of the other past relationship stuff above, part of my confusion is a lack of context for dating in general. I'm not necessarily looking for a long term thing right now--this is literally the first guy i've dated since the husband -- I just wonder if ive been sending him the wrong messages by not perhaps being as forward affectionately or romantically because I was so used to the ex not being responsive that I gave up.
I guess maybe I'm looking for advice on how to express that I maybe interested in a bit more but not the whole nine yards, so to speak.
i mean, I'm living on my own for the first time in my adult life and I LIKE
it :)  But I'm lonely, was for alot of my marriage, and I enjoy whatever time we get to spend together because he actually has conversations with me.

My issue is partly that I don't really know what the parameters are for casual dating.
I'm not seeing anyone else, but if someone interesting asked me out I wouldn't feel obligated to say no because of this fellow. But I definately would NOT enter into a sexual relationship with a 2nd guy while still seeing the other.  
Maybe I don't even know what I'm asking you all for really lol Aarrghhh

[specialmom]

I agree with Londres.  I'm sorry to say as I'm sure you'd like to see it differently.  However, you can give him a chance to make it more by telling him that you'd like to 'really' start dating him.  Invite him to do something outside of the usual routine such as going out with some friends of yours.  You can wait until the 'usual' time he asks you to do something and say you had an idea of something fun to do, etc.  

If he doesn't act like he wants to, then you can ask him point blank "what are we doing here?  Are we dating or hooking up?"  He may be really quiet after that and it might be the end of things or he may tell you more of what his intentions are.

But as of now, I'd say this is a hook up for casual sex kind of thing.  good luck

[Londres70]

In my opinion, sounds like a casual hookup; casual sex; a.k.a "booty call."  Also sounds like things are "fizzling" out on his part.    

May I ask how long have you been doing this?

If you all hadn't had sex and started your relationship with dates and slowly getting to know each other I would say this would have had a chance as a potential bf/gf senario.  

You have built the relationship only on a physical connection; this is NO foudation for a serious, committed relationship.