girlfriend problems

[markt90]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and I half. Ive lied and told her I found porn disgusting, which I find the idea of someone doing that disgusting but as a guy I use it as an aid in masturbating, we also had sex about once a week which she feels is not enough and she has told me that and I've tried to make a difference but to an extent I believe our sex drives differ, I also would jack off and I think that may have affected me. In any case 1 month ago she went through my phone and found porn. She was devastated, and can't believe I lied to her. I felt horrible and told her I'd stop. Since then she's been struggling to deal with it and she says she doesn't know who I am. Yesterday we were together I was upset and couldn't deal, I do have bouts of depression, but today I woke up stressed but with the capability to deal with it. So tonight she wants to know why I could deal with it today, when she wasn't around, and not yesterday when she was. She went on to ask if I jacked off. I gave her an honest yes. Since that she's upset that I would rather jack off than be with her. She says that for a year she's wondered what's wrong with her and why she can't make me want her. She says she feels stupid because all along it was me jacking off and watching porn. I am trying to make her feel good and I love her. I know I've done wrong, but what can I do now, and from an outside perspective what are we doing wrong and how can we fix it. She asks me why I want to make a difference now when I've had a year. But I don't know what to say except I don't know, but I can only make the difference now. But that doesn't work.

[Londres70]

Tink has a point.........totally agree.  Porn addiction does indeed rewire the brain in regards to wanting actual sex.

How to make this up to her?  Get some professional help if you REALLY want to end this or quit, however, do it because you want to quit and not just to please your gf.

[TTinKKerBBell]

actually, when a person becomes addicted to porn He shies away from sex with a 'real' partner because He has become 'super' sensitized to the super 'graphic' images.  Finally, He even becomes DE sensitized to the images and has a more, and more difficult time achieving that release He is seeking. That's why He ends up looking at more and more porn and has less and less sex with His Partner (could this be You? - be honest with YourSelf when You answer)

Poor Partner is left feeling He wants porn more than He wants Her.  This is not true.  Fact is He's looking at more and more porn TRYING to achieve that release He USED to get - He can't 'admit' He's not getting off to His Girl - there's even more 'shame' (He thinks) in admitting that.  And in the meantime He looks at more and more porn trying to find that image that will get Him off again.  He doesn't perform with His Partner anymore (or often) 'cuz He can't.  Porn 'trains' the brain and He has become desensitized.

It would behoove You to educate YourSelf and realize what's behind porn addiction.  Our brains were not wired for the hard core porn that our computers and technology give us today.  Our brains still operate in a 'primitive' way.  Porn addiction has the same affects on the brain as do other addictions.

Read "Your Brain on Porn" by Gary Wilson.  Watch the entire 6 series.  It will enlighten You and Your Partner as well.

www.yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series

Good Luck To You And Your GirlFriend

[YardBull]

If you want this gal, you need to totally stop using pornography.  She wants more sex and does not want the competition of porn to get in the way.  You're going to have to prove that you are trustworthy going forward now.  As far as the sex goes, try to get into a variety so you are not tempted by boredom to go back to porn.  

[specialmom]

Well, you aren't the first nor will you be the last guy to have porn, use it for an easy release and not want to tell your significant other about it.  It's easy, right?

I'd say it is no big deal, really, however something is worrying me.  You mention she would like to have sex more than once a week and you are content.  Hm.  Usually a sexual person using porn doesn't turn down the opportunity for 'real' sex.  Why do you think you do?  you can't say it is a libido issue because your libido drives you to use the porn for masturbation and release so it is something else.  Too much work to be intimate?  Don't feel overly attracted to your girlfriend or aren't fully compatible sexually?  What do you think it is?