relationship

[honjoh]

hi .we were married just before six months,but we were known to each other from past one and half year as it is love marriage.i saw him in my uncles home as he is a church friend of my aunt.he use come regularly to uncles home.by the time he comes there i was in their house for searching a job immediately after completing my graduation.i first saw him with two sticks as he met with an accident.after taking bed rest for three months,as no one will be there in his home he used to come regularly.i used to serve him a lot even i don't know him as i saw tears out of pain in his eyes.all the people around him love him a lot as he is very good and honest guy.                                                                                  
                                                         after observing me for three months he proposed about marrying me with my uncle and aunt.they felt very happy and spoke with my parents.they said ok , but didn't conform it . even i don't know this but i enjoyed his presence when he come home as he make everyone laugh in the home.he is well educated and worked in hsbc. but due to accident he left his job.
                                                         After four months i came to my native place and joined in b.ed.after completing my b.ed, my dad said that he proposed me and i said that i was also interested in him .then dad gave importance to my opinion and i was married to him before six months.but the thing is he is fourteen years elder to me,no job up to now,health condition is bad,low caste,no financial status as he spent all his savings for his treatment,bald head and he maintain with total shave and my mom and dad only giving maintainance for him .i all know this and married to him only because his love towards me and he is very honest.
                                                 AFter marriage i must be there with him in each and every minute with him,even he takes me to buy provisions behind our house also.but now he is hiding his mobile from me,as there is no job our financial status is very bad,my dad and mom are supporting us,i will support in each and every thing,even if he did wrong i will support him only,we will together go to night parties with his friends families even i dont like it because he loves to dance with me there,i started loving it also,he said he will stop smoking as i dont like it,i will treat him as if he is my small baby,but he is hiding his smoking habit even i know that he is doing that,i never said to stop him also,but why he wants to hide from me.i also accepted for threesome sex with other girl as he asked me can we try once with a girl,but now he is not speaking pleasantly,he is getting irritated if ask something.....but i know that he loves me more than anyone in the world.how to overcome this one,this is a small issue but bothering me a lot,only because i clearly want his frankness with me,nothing else,what should i do?should i love more or am i taking overcare on him? may be my over care is irritating him a lot.what to do to be honest with me?

[specialmom]

I agree.  To be honest, I'm having a little trouble understanding what is going on. But lying over little things doesn't make sense and I'd talk to him about stopping that.  good luck

[remar]

In my opinion, he should'nt be hiding anything from you. That's usually not a good sign. A husband or wife that's doing nothing wrong has no problem with showing you their calls and everything on their computer.

[honjoh]

i am not at all worrying about his job as he is very well educated and can get a good job with high salary if his health supports him.may be it will take six more months as i am taking complete care regarding his health issue.i am feeling bad that he is hiding few things which doesn't bother me also i mean in very small issues, like going to shop,dentist,calling to his staff.he will not allow me to touch his mobile,he will give me after deleting some calls or messages.if i asked him he will say that those are useless one and he deleted it.i only want his frankness and i want nothing else from him.its bothering me that he is hiding something from me.the thing is when i am supporting him in each and every issue,why is he hiding or telling lies to me in small issues.how should i overcome this?

[specialmom]

Hello and welcome.  One thing I will say is that you say you are only married to him because he proposed and had love for you.  Well . . .  is that really true?  It sounded like your dad asked you about it and you said you too were interested so this marriage was mutual.  

Now with the talk of treatment and bald head and no work, I'm wondering if he has cancer?  Is he sick?  Is he dying?  What is his current health status?  That makes a difference as I'm sure he will improve his work ability after getting better.  I think that if you knew he was sick and from a bad caste, financially unstable, not working etc, when you told your dad you were interested in him, that it is confusing to me why it was okay then and not now.  

Are you allowed to work?  

Now, his daily treatment of you is what is bothering me.  He probably lies about smoking because he knows you don't like it and doesn't want to be 'in trouble'.  Talk to him about trust and how you'd rather know and work on something than to have 'secrets' from one another.  If you aren't interested in a threesome, never ever do it.  It will put images in your head of your husband with another woman that will be hard to get out of his head and there is the strong chance he will keep asking for more threesomes after the first.  tell him, no way and be done with it.  And if you suspect he is cheating, ask him about it.  

he also should not be using a harsh voice with you regularly.  couples sometimes have this once in a while.  But a pattern of it is upsetting and I'm sorry if that is going on.

I would again try talking to him about it-----  telling him how you feel.

do you think he could be depressed?  It sounds a bit like it to me.  could he be upset over his illness and job situation?  Is he educated to get a job down the road??  

Also, just curious.  Is divorcing something done in your culture??  

[remar]

This is no small issue if he;s wanting to bring someone else in to your bedroom and sex life. You made a commitment only to each other, not to have other people in your marriage.
I'm not sure what country you're from and what your family will and will not except. But, Your husband has no job, your parents are supporting you and you do not seem to be happy.
Have you thought about leaving the marriage, would that be possible? What about marriage counseling?