What do I do?

[November2008]

My partner of 22 months is loving, affectionate and tactile when we are alone. However, when we are in company he becomes the exact opposite. When we go out, he buys me a drink, puts it in my hand and then leaves me for the rest of the evening as he talks to his friends and acquaintances. Some of whom have accepted me and are very nice except for one couple (his best friend and his girlfriend who happens to be my partner's ex). When these two are around, my partner becomes actually disinterested and behaves horribly towards me. Because of those two we came to an agreement that he goes out on his own most Sunday evenings and I go out with my friends. He was out with them the last two Sundays. This Sunday he asked me if I minded him going out with them again. I said I didn't mind as long as I could arrange something with my friends, otherwise, I'd like him to spend this Sunday with me. Then I thought about it and said that actually if I couldn't arrange something then I'd like to go with him. His response was immediate and very hurtful. He said: "I'd rather not go at all than go with you". I am so very hurt and upset by what he said. Our relationship is tempestuous and is up and down all the time. We've broken up at least 6 times in the last year but made up and got back together but those words "I'd rather not go at all than go with you" have cut me, deeply. I don't know what to do. I told him "I want to be with a man who would rather be with me anytime than without me". He refuses to talk about it. I don't know what to do? Please advise.

[November2008]

Thank you very much for your comments. I hope and pray that I will be strong enough to do the right thing for me and my boys. I have two teenage sons whom I think are being influenced by his behaviour. I would hate for them to end up treating their other halves as terribly in front of their friends as he does me. Thanks again.

[treazzure007]

this brings to mind a song i love

"if you love me" by brownstone
listen to it, better yet, play it for him!

youtube  .com/ watch?v= atgjkqf7rwY    run it all together.  hope it prints it

sounds like he's turned his back on you though and just isn't man enough to say it.  talk one more time about it all, just to clear your conscious.  if no change then leave w/ dignity

[kjbandme]

you deserve better, don't you think?

it's easy to forgive and forget the wrong doings of someone you love...

once I was in a similar situation-- but finally he said something so awful that it made my blood run cold. I ended it. I took the phrase he had said that hurt me so deeply and made it his caller ID and the voice note... so that when he called I would hear and see the phrase again and again. that made it easy to NOT pick up the phone, and be instantly reminded of why I wanted nothing more to do with him.

only then, did I begin to really move on.

you'll be surprised how much energy and positive feelings you have once you let go and grieve and, this is important: ignore his every attempt to get back together!

really what an idiot he is to lose you, but his idiocy and insensitivity will then be his problem, not yours.

hope that helps!  best of luck :)

[RockRose]

Without anything else in your post,  the fact that you've broken up 6 times and have a tempestuous relationship is cause to end this.

What would he say is the reason he doesn't want you around his friends - from his perspective?

[KATE535]

I don't know why you're with this guy!!

He needs to go. A relationship needs to be full of love and respect. I don't think he respects you anywhere near enough as you deserve.
It will be hard if you love him but it's better to end it sooner than later. You don't sound at all happy if you've told him you want a man who doesn't do this to you, so why wait around waiting for him to change, or hoping he will.
So many men take their partners out with them with friends - it's normal, it's healthy. He sounds like a meanie and he isn't likely to change if he can be as horrible as to not even have the respect to treat you well around others. There are many better men who would look after you and respect you more than him.
Good luck!!