male friend

[cheri414]

I currently have a male friend who I've know for almost 3 months.  During those 3 months he has had a lot of ups and down. When we met he and his current girlfriend had split and we engaged in oral sex.  He then told me he was going to try to work things out with his ex and I understood.  Long story short he got kicked out of his apartment and is now living with his girlfriend, last week he started sending me sexually explicity texts and I told him he can't do that because he has a girlfriend, he told me he can keep a secret.  His girlfriend constantly checks his phone because he's had issues with cheating in the past while with her (they've been together for almost 2 years).  Anyway on Saturday we met for coffee and he was ok he wasn't being really suggestive, he asked me why I was looking for a good man, when he himself would be a good man to me.  Yesterday we met up again for coffee and later we engaged in oral sex.  I felt horrible after because, I know he doesn't love me and he was just using me. This morning I told him we can be friends but what happened can't happen again.  He said he felt bad too and he just wants to remain great friends and me telling him the truth made him cry.  I think he feels bad for cheating on his girlfriend but still is confused about what he wants.  His girlfriend does everything for him, including looking after his daughter while he goes to school.  He told me has feelings for me and doesn't know what to do.  I'm not sure what I should do; should I remain friends with this man or end the friendship and change my number.  Its hard for me because my ex and I had a bad breakup and I'm lonely, I know what kind of man I want but I'm not having any luck finding such a man and I am tempted to go to my mother country and just find one so that I won't be lonely.  Everyone I know has someone and its hard for me to communicate with them because all they talk about is their boyfriend or girlfriend.

[cheri414]

Thanks all for your advise... I really feel terrible about what I did... it doesn't make it any better but I did use a condom and he wanted me to also have intercourse with him and I said no. I am going for my first councelling session next week, hopefully this will help me.

[Creampuffy]

Such loneliness as you are feeling can weaken our ability to stay out of situations we know is going to bring us unhappiness. Doing things that make us feel shame afterwards weakens our feelings of self-worth. Anyone who makes us feel that way demonstrates that they don't care about us at all. And even worse, this man is getting pleasure from what he is doing to you. Some people thrive on these kinds of relationships (if you can call it that) and at this moment you are fullfilling his needs until you cut him off and then he will find someone else to prey on.

If you found a dead cat on the side of the road, would you pick it up and take it back to your home with the expectation that it would change back into a living loving cat? No, you wouldn't, well compare this man to that dead cat because that is what he is ...dead in feeling love and concern for anyone. His sickness will and already has affected you. Don't let it destroy you too.

Get involved with groups that are uplifting and caring where you will have a chance to hopefully meet good people.

[TTinKKerBBell]

OMGolly!!  I'm having some real difficulty trying to understand why You don't know what is wrong with this picture!!

You've only known this guy for 3 months AND he has a girlfriend!!  AND he's had issues with cheating in the past!!  AND he has a daughter.

There are 600 million people in this world - There are more than a few men out there You could fall in love with and who could love You in return - who don't already have a relationship!!  WHY, WHY would You be so wanting of a relationship as to get involved with a man who is willing to cheat?? - if he cheats on her, he will cheat on You!!

A personal thought - oral sex??!! - seems to me that oral sex should be reserved for an established relationship with two people who are committed to one another!!  Just my thought - but  - again  - OMGolly!!  - it just astounds me how  some people are so casual about this - Personally, I would make it a rule not to have sex (most certainly to include oral!!) with anyone who's toothbrush I wouldn't use!!  This is a very good rule - just saying......People who wouldn't put a foreign toothbrush in their mouth maybe shouldn't consider oral sex with someone who is having sex elsewhere!!  

Please - move on - and look for someone who isn't involved with someone else - He's out there  -  He's been lonely too - and He's just waiting to meet You so You and He can have a wonderful life Together!!  

Good Luck!!

[specialmom]

Hi.  I'm guessing that deep down you know the answer to this.  He has no real interest in being your friend.  He's a player------------  he's wanting to 'talk dirty' with you while living with his girlfriend . . . um, who doesn't trust him as he has a history of cheating.  

Honestly, I think you'd have to be really lonely to think it is a good idea to be involved in any way with this guy.  He's a cheater, he got kicked out of his apartment, he lies to his girlfriend . . . not exactly a catch.  

Ya know, I went through a period in which I had trouble findin someone I wanted to date-----  never really knew why.  But ya know what, it ended.  Then I had several great guys ask me out.  I married one of them.  Wait for someone that is worth your time.  Otherwise you just sell yourself short and heaven forbid you get stuck with a loser like this.  You don't want that.

Try a new exercise class, take a class, etc. to meet new people.  Enjoy your hobbies and work and stay strong.  Don't give into lonliness.  You'll have someone special come into your life and it will be worth the wait.  good luck