need help

[gottoleave]

my boyfriend of 3yr has congestive heart failure and a diabetic.  He will not eat right.  bacon and eggs, hot dogs lunch meat.  His sugar readings are 288 will not eat the healthy food I have preparded for him.  I am at the point of leaving him but worried for his health has gone down.  He has gain weight and all he does is sleep.  I need to live my live for myself and move on but worried.

[specialmom]

You sound like a strong and determined woman!  I'm so happy you are putting yourself first.  Let us know how it goes and we are here to 'help' along the way.  peace and hugs

[gottoleave]

thank you for your response.  It has helped me make a move.  I have decieded to move out when the lease is up in april.  He is getting worse.  will call his children to help move him and care for him.

[specialmom]

I meant, I'd do a loving gesture of strong encouragement as you are leaving . . .  

[specialmom]

I agree with Londres.  It's hard to leave someone when you know they are in a bad place . . .   however, you must think about your own life.  These are huge health concerns and he is not willing to try to change the course of things.  This will limit your own life, ya know?

So, I'd do a loving gesture of encouraging him to seek help via a nutritionist, join a gym or even just walking around the block a few times to start.

also agree that he seems attached to the food in an emotional way and is not being rational which would indicate that this is a deep problem that will be difficult for him to overcome.  His mental health is also in question.  It is really hard to change our comfort foods but when our health demands it---  most will make an effort. He refuses and seems to really be digging in.  That's not exactly a normal reaction unless there are some emotional things going on.

And again, there is no reason for you to tie your life to this.  We date for a reason and sometimes we leave relationships for good reasons.  I think this is one of those times but only you can make that decision.  good luck

[Londres70]

Being a caregiver is no easy feat especially dealing with someone who is noncompliant.  Doesn't sound like you agreed to be his caregiver.

I would just simply tell him that you can't continue to watch him destroy himself any longer and that you need a life for you.  Let him know you want to be a gf and not a caregiver.  If he does try to play a guilt trip on you then you know for sure you are making the right decision in my opinion as trying to make someone feel guilty is a form of manipulation.  

He is in a bad place (possibly depressed) at this time and no one can do anything for him or help him if he doesn't want to help himself.  Sounds like he is using food to self-medicate.  The bacon, fried chicken, eggs, lunch meat, hot dogs, etc.=soothing/medicating.  

You are NOT responsible for him or his actions......you aren't his keeper. He knows what he is doing and if he continues with sugars that high there is ONLY one direction for him......not a good one of course.  

We all have choices.  He has made his choice and you can make the choice to leave.  

[gottoleave]

yes, that is what I condsider that I am his caregiver and not his girlfriend.  He has gained so much weight he can not bend over to dry his own feet and bathing and he only does that once a week and I have to fight him to do that. I know he will play a gulit trip on me when I leave but I can not continue to watch him destroy his self any longer.

[Londres70]

"I need to live my live for myself and move on but worried.".............You need to do just that.  If he doesn't care why should you?  He is living his life the way he wants, i.e. eating bacon, eggs, lunch meats, etc. in spite of the Diabetes and CHF.   He is eating himself to an early grave for sure.  Perhaps he is depressed and doesn't care about anything anymore except food.  The situation sounds draining.

Are you considered his caregiver as well?

You deserve a life without all this nonsense.

[gottoleave]

thanks for the response.  my guy refuses to get the low salt items.  says he will not give up his bacon fried chicken and all the other bad foods.  I have tried everything possible.  will not got to er when feeling bad.  sounds to me he has given up.  he becomes mean to me.  and I say why do I put up with this.  he will not leave the apartment and do anything out side.  there is no hope here you for.

[annaaurora]

Hey, Wow you must beat the end of the teather. How long have been fighting this battle with and for him? To be fair I only have a friend with type II. However, I am about the salt. OK when first out of hospital I was gung ho on fresh, fresh, uber stuff. Then I realized I couldn't do lot's of stuff, so husband started to do more stuff. But this what I found that works for me so far, maybe you're doing this already. Also, I am not perfect neither is husband. I have lots of different hot sauces, check sodium, and make sure they taste good. Lemons. Low sodium soy, you can get pretty low, mix that with some sesame oil. Husband found some kick *** Turkey Bacon, it's not purple and it's lower in salt than most turkey bacons.
About your heart, I'm not sure. I have days where I am just tired of being tired. And I am sure my husband and friends take it personally when I make small comments that mean little to me. Maybe you do need a break period. Then you can decide paths, the good news is you can always change them. This to me was always the best and worst part of Marriage. Peace.