pregnant gf breaking my heart. dad to be. she really really hates me.

[AaronJamesWightman]

Ive been on this everyday trying to get people opinions. Youve prob already heard the story but so hurt scared and broken and really dont no what to do!! Im 23 my gf is 24. she is 9 weeks pregnant. We have been together 10 months now. Are relationship has always been a bit rocky due to the fact i have a lot of insecurities. Ive always had trouble with that. Ive been even went to councilling to try and over come my issues. Ive really put her through some **** in the past even up to quite recent. Its only now im realizing how bad it.acc was and how much of an idiot ive been. Ive broke her heart so many times. Im so ashamed of myself for pushing her to the point she left me few days a go! She has also got a 6 yr old from.a previous relationship and that dad isnt around. Witch is easier for me. But from what i know he was violent and abusive to her and didnt want to be a father. So im the dad really. I think ahe might think im turning in to her x or something. But im im really not i have some issues yes but im trying to overcome this. I do admit i have been controoling and minipulitive and jelous etc. But im really trying to change now. We are having a baby together! i know i cant be like that anymore. Im was doing everything i can for her cleaning cooking taking her to.and from work looking after her anything ahe needed. Took food to her work when she was sick.and hungry. Anything i.could do to help. But she says any sign of old behaviour she sees in me that freaks her out and makes her not want to be around me. Everyone is saying alot of it is to do with hormones. But im think does she have all this upset and anger built up inside and its the hormones bringing it out in her? shes literally lost it with me. Over the last few weeks she wanted space so.i give it to her. Then i didnt.see her last week at all bar one day but she brought me over just to tell me it was over and that she didnt love me anymore and that she is already to walk away! shes even went ro the extent of saying that shes taking a week to decide.about having an abortion. And she will let me know :-(  the other day she completly lost it and smashed glass picture frames of walls etc that really freaked me out and we havent spoken since. She doesnt seem to be bothered if she speaks to me or not. She hasnt been replying to my text or anything either. Dont get me wrong i havent been torturing her either. Ive been giving her. Her space. Its just sobhard thinking ive lost the love of my life and maybe my baby :-( the scan is in two weeks aswell and i would love to be there if she decides to keep that is! i went and bought her a big pampering set for like a spa so she can relax and bought her some lavander yankee candles. She is at work.so ive left them at her door and even wrote her a letter explaining my feelings and telling her she can relie on me and im there for her! I just dont know if this is really how she feels or is this a mix of hormones please please some help me im losing my mind im im so hurt and heartbroken! Will she ever forgive me and see that im changing. I want to be there and look after my family :-( thanks for listening.i.had to get out of my system

[Londres70]

Sounds like she is fed up and done.  Will she reconsider the relationship?  Time will tell.  

You have no rights in regards to her decision to get an abortion.  

Ditto alid32............Get healthy by dealing with your issues on your own; not being in a relationship.  

It is great to hear you want to be in your child's life, however, it is ideal that you sort your issues out before the child arrives.

[alid32]

I'm sorry to say this but you sounds like a controlling, abusive (that doesn't always entail physical violence) and manipulative person. Only 10 months in and this is the state of your relationship? That's not normal. You are basically stalking her.  It's a typical response from the abuser to promise to change,  see the error of their ways when they are scared of losing the victim. They perseverate on the other person, become overwhelming attentive all in an attempt to win them back.  Once they do it is business as usual. It's the cycle of abuse. If you are really in treatment,  good.  Stay there.  Do not push for a relationship. You are not healthy enough to have one. You need to work on yourself for you, no one else. People will only put up with that kind of non sense for so long before they loose the desire to continue. And that's what had clearly happened here.

[One2andOneNew]

Sorry to hear your going through this! I am now 26 weeks pregnant and totally head over heels for my fiance. Around 9 weeks I went through this stage where I hated my fiance's guts lol. He is a lot like you, as in he went the extra mile to make sure I was happy and comfortable. Everything he did made me So annoyed and frustrated. I felt like he was being super clingy. Of course he.couldn't understand what was going on and I didn't want to explain my feelings. Hormones with pregnant women are a serious thing! Try to give her some space. Send a text every now and then just to let her know your still there. Giving her some space will allow her to miss you and deal with her hormones. Don't worry yourself, she'll come around in a few weeks. Good luck and congratulations!

[specialmom]

Your best option is to have a court mandated paternity test.  Once you are established as the father, you have rights.  You can sue her for partial custody or split custody where you have the baby half the time.  Fathers DO have rights.  So, I'd seek legal advice and take those necessary steps if she is unwilling to allow you to be a part of things.  She may not let you into the delivery room but if the court decides you are the father and you want to be in your child's life, they can make that happen.  and it's best for the child when they know both parents.  So, take that into account.

So many dad's want nothing to do with their kids so I think it is fantastic when one does!

As to the relationship, I think she is being clear that she is not wanting it.  If you continue to 'try' by contacting and stopping by or whatever, she will begin to feel threatened by you.  Stalked even.  Don't go there.  Leave her a text telling her you are there for her.  Stay in 'loose' contact and ask if she needs any help with the baby----  money, baby items, etc.  

but you can't force her to be in a relationship with you even though she is carrying your child.

All you can do is work with the laws and at least have your child in your life.  good luck

[Jaicoles]

Im not going to say what I am to make you feel ashamed or bad in any way. But the reality is though you can easily fall in love with someone,  in some cases people will be together just weeks and feel they are in love. The fact of the matter is your now ex girlfriend is no longer in love with you. And now that you found that she was holding your child is when you decided to change. You say you have put her through hurt and broke her heart countless times, though physically you did hurt her like tou stated her previous boyfriend did. Abuse is abuse whether its verbal, emotional, or physical. Most time alot of people never act on their hurt or show their inner feelings, unfortunately when she became pregnant her hormones brought all of that out. And though you may not agree, the feelings she had for you were gone long before she started acting the way she was towards you. Every just so happened to come out now. Someone commented saying take her to court over not getting an abortion. Let me say this, no and I mean absolutely NO court will grant you the right to contol another humans body and what they are able to do with it. If you do decide to go along that route she will easily only have to state that she was emotionally abused and they wont even hear your case any further. My uncle who has works in the court and has for many years so I am very familiar with alot of things pertaining to law. In new mexico i believe a man tried to do this same thing and eventually led to the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that fathers have no legal rights when it comes to abortion. In other words (A woman can legally deprive a man of his rights to become a parent or can force him to become one against his will". Thats just a law. So I wouldnt recommend trying that because you will hate the result. And also legally she doesnt have to inform you of her getting an abortion she can have it done without you knowing. Sadly,You have pushed her to a point of no rerurn and no alot of what she is doing may not be fair but she may be trying to get rid of what will keep her attached to you when she no longer is trying to be. But honestly In my opinion I think that just because you feel she should give you another chance because you JUST changed (seemingly, kind of only for the fact that you may/may not be a father) is wrong for you to think she should take you back. No she shouldn't hold a grudge with anyone but for some forgiveness right away is hard. And even if she ever does shes never going to forget whatever you donw will be in the back of her mind. Everyone in life will come across a difficult milestone but whatever happens take it as a life lesson. And to whomevers comment I seen saying she cant have an abortion at 9weeks, I would love to correct that person by saying she can and it can be done all the way until she is 24weeks surgically. Anything after 24weeks can not be done because Some babies have been born premature as early as 24weeks and survived.

[RachJean]

I think you've messed up pretty bad. Yes, her hormones do have some impact on her behavior, but your actions are actually to blame. You need to actually give her space (no gifts, texts, phone calls etc), no just say you are, and see if she comes to you. If she doesn't, you'll have to live with it and be involved with only the baby.

[Nattybongo]

You have received quite a bit of feedback. I have been still is with the jealous controlling type, you. Trust her when she says she needs some space. She has probably tried to talk to you and you just havrnt gotten it and that's why she lost ot the other day. Repetition is hard for anyone much less a grown woman with a kid already to have to deal with a grownA kid.you have done all that you and the rest is with her. I dont agree with the court thing because at the end of the day she'll probably hate you more for trying to force her hand. She will see it as more of your control issues.Give her the time that she's requested. You should continue going to therapy. You should go together also if she intends to keep the baby. I dont think that her hormones has anything to do with her feelings. You were who you were and sounds like a lot has gone down even before she wss pregnant. Now that she is facing the reality of possibly being a single 2x over she no longer has time or patience for your behavior. Before you can fix the relationship you need to fix you.

[aicnov14]

there's nothing you can do. I would leave her alone. besides court? to get her to not have an abortion? You would have to prove that baby is yours and that's a costly test while baby is in womb and has a small risk factor in there for baby, I don't see that happening, and you can't really interfere with a woman's right to her body.

overall, I'd take this as a loss for now and nothing you can really do but learn from your mistakes. if the woman doesn't want to be with you or have this baby with you, then why in reality would you want that with her.

[slm39]

Look, I don't know what you're wanting to hear. I've counted 38 replies now in total to this same subject!!!!!

[wayfunmommy]

You said you are giving her space but then followed it up with you sent her texts, gifts and notes. That's not space. You're starting to sound stalker-ish.  It sounds to me like the switch has been flipped and she's done.

[brandianddon]

Show her this post. And give her time. But stop giving her all this space. I know when I fight with my boyfriend just say I want to be left alone but I hate it when hr actully leaves the room. If yall are arguing try holding her. And telling her what you've aaid here. And make sure she knows your trying.. dont let her walk off bexause you think she needs space. She pregnant and more than likely shes not wanting to do it alone. Just show her what youve said. Dont just say it.

[mfayb]

I just feel this needs to be said and am sorry to be the one to do it. Is there a possibility this baby isn't yours? Could she have slept with someone else and instead of dealing with that reality with you she chose to push you away? I certainly hope that's not the case but it seems to me that it could be a possibility with her reaction to you.

[mummainoz]

Personally, hormones made me a little teary but that was it. It sounds like she's made up her mind and also has her own problems to work on, one of which is the pregnancy and that sounds like a very big stressful decision for her. You've made your feelings known, you've also told her your preference in regards to the pregnancy, and you're taking steps to improve yourself. I really don't think there is more you can do. I would give her her space to work on her issues now as the more pressure you put on the situation the more confused and stressed it is likely to become. Good luck

[luckielizzie]

Can I point out that 10 months isn't that long to be together and more so should be a "honeymoon" phase,  it's kind of late to try and change behavior now... you're also focusing a lot about how you're being effected and how to save yourself from the negative not really how to be supportive,  consider changing your language to reflect your feelings: "I feel fearful of losing her when she won't respond to my texts," you're focusing a lot on excuses to problems,  ie: hormones, I would give her her space,  let her know,  "hey I'm going to give you the week and won't text you or call,  but if you need me at any point I'll be here, " by letting her breath she'll be able to see the situation a little clearer,  having you there to smother her is going to make her want to run,  myself and many of my friends went through a freak out stage in first trimester as well as I couldn't stand how much my husband wanted to be around me,  he smelt, he touched me weird, and I just wanted to sleep and process emotions.

[MommyToBe42015]

Dude. I'm 16 weeks and I don't even get like that she's got issues herself and at 9 weeks? I'm sorry but if she tries to have an abortion fight it in court because that's your child as much as hers at least keep it in court long enough it's to late for her to get an abortion. Honestly if you must know a relationship is about give and take you shouldn't keep giving and her taking but her not giving. In other words maybe take this time to think about what could've made her fall for you to begin with. For instance (and hate all you want) I'm 19 my boyfriend is 42 and I fell in love with him at 17 because he didn't care how I argued a losing statement he just smiled and posted me attention when my mom (his date at the time) was raising her voice and paying more attention to my siblings and we started dating when I turned 19 things are different but every once in awhile he'll sit and listen to my pointless arguments about things in life and every once in awhile for him I'll try to enjoy his music. Once again that goes back to give and take. Just think yourself. Maybe she wants a date night save up money and ask her if she would like dinner and a movie. If so let her pick the place to eat and go to the theater and let her pick the movie make sure she knows the night is about her getting her a bouquet of roses wouldn't hurt either

[missymarie214]

Hormones might be helping bring it out, but honestly it sounds like you've just ran her away. People can only take so much before feelings are gone, and they just don't want you around anymore. If that's the case, you'll just have to deal with it. The harder you push, the more she's gonna push right back. Actually try giving her the space she wants, because if she really has lost feelings for you, and doesn't want to be with you, you're only stressing her and the baby out more. If she does love you, then she'll figure it out on her own.

[lkaykirk]

What did she say about the basket?