Dear men,

[PrincessChandaLeigh]

Does actions speak louder then words to y'all? It seems like everything I say to my boyfriend goes in one ear and straight out the other. Really gets under my skin. How do I make him listen?

[ROSYouralright]

Vic, that just made me cry!! Very BLESSED you are!

[PrincessChandaLeigh]

Thank you for sharing your wonderful story and advice. Should a great idea! And very me. I think I'll incorporate all these great ideas into my letter. Thank you again for helping. I truly appreciate it :)

[VICourageous]

OK..Well in 3 days I will have been married for 28 years..We road the grade school bus together and up to HS, but I moved when I was 17 only to make a big cycle in life and come back home and married this man. Now I do know that sometimes we both do not have to say a thing..We just know by face and body expressions what is going on. It is like we can read each other mind..WELL lately, do to having 3 family members dieing of cancer right now this has brought So much stress on us.  He helps me with my Mom and Step Dad, but his Dad is in AZ..I have been trying to talk to him for days and see how he feels or for some support for myself in this. I got so frustrated yesterday and was just going to say F it to it all even my year sobriety..Well I went and wrote him a 2 page letter on how I am feeling and about our relationship at this point. He saw the letter this morning and came in and told me he Loves me so much and maybe he is not strong enough to handle all of this. We talked about a lot of things that needed to be said. It made him give me the Biggest Kiss and Hug and off to work he went..I am telling You it was the best Blessing ever and a big Sad weight was lifted off my shoulders. That was the BEST Anniversary Gift I have ever received, it was like we did our vows together again. Sometimes Men hold there feelings in and can not express their emotions like girls can. So when we think they are not listening I bet they are but do not know how to respond back..
ANYWAY..Write him a big letter on how you are feeling about EVERYTHING..Tell him u love him but you feel there is something not right that is affecting your relationship..Just let it rip and see how he does respond..You just might be surprised, because I sure was after 28 years of thinking you do know someone very well. But life will through in some curve balls here and there..
Best of Luck to you!
vickie

[PrincessChandaLeigh]

This is prefect for my guy. He loves to be bragged about and to hear he has done a good job. He even brags about himself sometime lol. Not saying he has a huge ego. Thank you ma'am:)

[PrincessChandaLeigh]

Great advice! That makes a lot of sense. Get em all relaxed then talk to him. Ill have to save that for when we live together or try and do something small to relax him. Haha yea I read that men take actions more serious then words. I don't wanna do anything to crazy but I guess if I had to I would lol.

[Adventuress]

Hey, how about this?!  
Before launching into a discussion about some "issue" you want to go over with your man, try the approach of telling him some or all of the endearing qualities about him you admire, how much you love/care about the guy.  

Men do need and want praise.  This is different than just flattery.  [Seems a person will rise to their highest level the more they are affirmed of their good qualities so that in turn they will strive to achieve and become even more.]

So back on point.  After getting his attention and perhaps offering some affectionate display on your part, to which no doubt he will be more than happy to receive and respond in kind, open up a conversation with him in the sweetest way possible so that his defensive antennae aren't aroused and let him know how you feel about certain things that cause you grief or concern.  

It;s very important to give him a chance to respond to what you put before him.  Men like to make up their own minds (just as we ladies do) about things rather than be manipulated or controlled into behaving the way (their perspective) we seem to want them to.  

Relationships are about give and take.  Giving is the higher of the two and the rest will follow, if you indeed have a man who has your best interest at heart and knows how to love in return.  Here's to many happy days to you both in your loving relationship.

[ROSYouralright]

Its so funny because countless books have been written on this exact subject. I've went to extraordinary lengths at times to "communicate" my point. Lol. I've learned over the years that talking WITH and not AT gets me alot further... Lol. If I. truly want my fiancé to understand something I wait until he gets home from work, showers, I make a nice dinner, and then while we are discussing the days events I slip whatever point I want to make in. I've found that men are much more receptive when they are comfortable and relaxed..lol. Sometimes it seems like I'm speaking a foreign language and it takes a little action to relay my message. I've went on strike before,for example... Didn't clean or do laundry for a week! Every one in my home learned more from that action than all the years I tried"discussing" it. Lol.

[PrincessChandaLeigh]

Oh Blu your so cruel to me :(. Haha I know though timeless question. Its just very frustrating. My guy is actually not to awful at communicating. He has some work to do though. He made me talk the last time we talked well fought lol. I was grateful for that. I use to be straight forward but when we have our little fights its hard to be :/. Just in the moment and I'm not thinking of it ya know.

[PrincessChandaLeigh]

Yes it's always seems to be the women that aren't communicating right. It really isn't fair. I use to read all of Rori Rays newsletters. They were awesome very helpful but seems I slowly stopped using her ways. I absolutely love your advice:) singing, who would have thought! Ill have to try this. Thank you:)

[PrincessChandaLeigh]

Excellent I'll try what you have suggested. Thank you :)

[BluCrystal]

LOL!!!  I am sorry to laugh, as it really isn't funny, but this has been one of those questions of the ages with women.  Men do not think in the same way women do, which is the cause of this problem.  Men generally do not enjoy talking about feelings, and getting all wishy-washy.  Women are much more in touch with their feelings.  Have you tried framing your conversations in straight-forward ways? - Blu

[AnnieBrooke]

If he is tuning you out, the burden is on you to alter the cadence of your output.  Be quiet instead of continuous, or produce a different kind of sound, probably sounding happier, or softer.  Sing instead of talk, and especially !!! vary what you say, and why you say it.  Guys really get bored by the same sounding message (even if it is different to you it can sound like the same old bla bla bla to a guy).

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, I have fond it hard in my relationship at times to determine if I am talking AT my husband or WITH him.  Sometimes I have a clear idea in my head and I'm not really getting his input.  If it is something that I'd like him to work on or change----  I have found it works better to have a two way dialogue where he actively participates in the conversation.  I might ask him some questions about the subject, listen to what he has to say and share what I feel about something.  Then ask for a compromise.  Honestly, that process works better for me than when I do what I internally want to do sometimes which is just tell him exactly what I want him to do!  

You have to be careful with men.  They can interpret things as nagging and tune you out.  

I also often try to think of how 'my' way will benefit my husband.  If he thinks it is good for him----  he's more apt to go along with the plan.  

He does do things just for me and to make me happy but in truth, I want him to be happy to so would rather he helps figure out the plan.  
goodluck!