Aa
saying she's pregnant but i think she's lying
I supposedly got this girl that i was with for a very short time pregnant back in January according to her. I'm 22 and she's 21. She said she didn't want it and had already scheduled an abortion for the following week. We were on good terms then and we were communicating through text during the week and the process of the abortion because I couldn't be in attendance. She told me how she was feeling like crap and bleeding out cause of the pills she was given. She then mentioned that she had the Nuvaring put in, which through my research they will not put in if the woman is pregnant so I don't know if she lied to me about all that.
some background on her, all of this comes from talking to her over the past 3 months or so. she is 21, has a 2yo son that she had from a marriage when she was 18. she was dating a guy at her work about a year ago but only for about a month according to her, but they continued to fool around for a long time after that. she got pregnant from him and had an abortion. but is still in contact with him and spends a lot of time with him. she says she has slept with 25 guys in her life
We had a fight the other day, i called her some colorful names and she all of a sudden brought it up saying she never got the abortion and is still pregnant and claims its mine. When I asked her to get a paternity test to prove that the child is mine she refused, and has continued to refuse. she would be 9 weeks along now. She is telling me she doesn’t want me in her life at all and barely answers my questions through text. I have talked to my mother and a few close friends who know her as well, they all think she's lying. I have save our most recent texting session, nothing before that though :/
if you need/want any extra info or clarity please let me know
some background on her, all of this comes from talking to her over the past 3 months or so. she is 21, has a 2yo son that she had from a marriage when she was 18. she was dating a guy at her work about a year ago but only for about a month according to her, but they continued to fool around for a long time after that. she got pregnant from him and had an abortion. but is still in contact with him and spends a lot of time with him. she says she has slept with 25 guys in her life
We had a fight the other day, i called her some colorful names and she all of a sudden brought it up saying she never got the abortion and is still pregnant and claims its mine. When I asked her to get a paternity test to prove that the child is mine she refused, and has continued to refuse. she would be 9 weeks along now. She is telling me she doesn’t want me in her life at all and barely answers my questions through text. I have talked to my mother and a few close friends who know her as well, they all think she's lying. I have save our most recent texting session, nothing before that though :/
if you need/want any extra info or clarity please let me know
The number of partners she has had is not pertinent, but the fact that she seems to be telling you that she had past casual sex and an abortion from someone else's baby suggests she is either living a dramatic life or telling a lot of dramatic stories. Accept that she is probably not being truthful. The question is what is she being untruthful about, the original abortion she told you she had, or the pregnancy?
When did you have sex with her exactly, do you remember the dates? Did she give you the "9 weeks along" figure or did you work that out yourself? (Doctors count pregnancy as beginning on the first day of the last period, not at conception.)
Thing is, when you are dealing with a dramatist, you should not fall in and play along. She says she doesn't want you in her life. So, walk away and don't sweat it or text her or ask her questions or anything. If she really has a baby, it will become clear soon enough. If it is yours, you have every legal right to get a DNA test once the baby is born, especially if she requests child support. But I will bet you it won't ever come to that -- a woman who thinks she is carrying a man's baby will not tell him she doesn't want him in her life, she will be looking at how to have him in the child's life or at least at the issue of child support.
Break off your desire to text her or ask her stuff, you're just playing her game.
When did you have sex with her exactly, do you remember the dates? Did she give you the "9 weeks along" figure or did you work that out yourself? (Doctors count pregnancy as beginning on the first day of the last period, not at conception.)
Thing is, when you are dealing with a dramatist, you should not fall in and play along. She says she doesn't want you in her life. So, walk away and don't sweat it or text her or ask her questions or anything. If she really has a baby, it will become clear soon enough. If it is yours, you have every legal right to get a DNA test once the baby is born, especially if she requests child support. But I will bet you it won't ever come to that -- a woman who thinks she is carrying a man's baby will not tell him she doesn't want him in her life, she will be looking at how to have him in the child's life or at least at the issue of child support.
Break off your desire to text her or ask her stuff, you're just playing her game.
I agree with Annie, it's unlikely she's pregnant.
And actually, go back to google research - inserting a nuvaring contraceptive is pretty common at the end of an abortion procedure.
And actually, go back to google research - inserting a nuvaring contraceptive is pretty common at the end of an abortion procedure.
Thank you for the fast reply. When she went to the clinic she said the doctor told her she was 6 weeks 4 days which but the date of conception at Jan 9th according to her. I wasn't there when she went to the clinic I had to work and it was too short of notice. We had sex 3 times in the first week or so of January. January 9th being one of those days, the last time. I remeber her telling me she went to her moms during the bleeding out of the abortion. I will see if I can get in touch with her mom but have no idea how, she lives about 45min away and I've only been there once on thanksgiving so its a bit fuzzy.
I don't want to play into her game and I'm not trying to contact her after yesterday afternoon. But the thought that she might be telling the truth is eating me from the inside out. She said it was twins when she supposedly got the abortion, she said they did an ultrasound. Which from my recent research they usually don't do until about 13 weeks. So IDK what she's lying about or what she's telling the truth about and its driving me crazy.
She has been out drinking, like last Tuesday 2/5/13 when she texted me drunk. and she was pretty adament about her being not pregnant anymore and being on birth control cause she wanted to fool around more. I also have reason to suspect she was fooling around with 2 other guys around the beginning of January as well. So there is a possibility that if she is pregnant that its not mine.
Also I'm typing this from my phone, so I'm sorry doesn't grammatical errors
I don't want to play into her game and I'm not trying to contact her after yesterday afternoon. But the thought that she might be telling the truth is eating me from the inside out. She said it was twins when she supposedly got the abortion, she said they did an ultrasound. Which from my recent research they usually don't do until about 13 weeks. So IDK what she's lying about or what she's telling the truth about and its driving me crazy.
She has been out drinking, like last Tuesday 2/5/13 when she texted me drunk. and she was pretty adament about her being not pregnant anymore and being on birth control cause she wanted to fool around more. I also have reason to suspect she was fooling around with 2 other guys around the beginning of January as well. So there is a possibility that if she is pregnant that its not mine.
Also I'm typing this from my phone, so I'm sorry doesn't grammatical errors
Well my gut is telling me she's lying about this cause I made her mad the other night which was when she brought all this back up and was like ohh Yea I'm still pregnant and its yours. Well she said she got an US when she went and took the first pill there and the second the next day. Was texting me about how bad her cramps were and how she was bleeding and such. Then a couple days later she mentioned that she had a date to go back and make sure the abortion took. But things went south for us before that date so I didn't hear from her about the follow up visit. But the mere fact that she's told me this should make me believe that she is lying. But there is still that chance of her not lying
She hasn't asked me for any money, not even for the abortion which I offered to pay half of, she said "no, its OK I'll take care of it". The other day I said if do have the twins (it was supposedly twins, she learned from the US) I want a paternity test done. She said and I'm quoting here "well I'm having it, and it is yours. Ohh and no thanks to the paternity test" but when she was mad she mentioned "you'll be getting called in 7 months for child support" but I'm sure we would need a paternity test before I'd have to pay child support. So that was another thing she Sdid that didn't add up.
It sounds to me like She is enjoying the drama here.
I hope You will take this as an important lesson and will no longer be having "casual" sex. NO birth control is 100% "safe" and Babies OFTEN are a result of "sex" - AND an abortion is not even an option for many. It is not a good idea to have sex with anyone You are not prepared to raise a Child with as Two Loving Parents.
I would end all contact with Her until/if/when She shows at Your door with a Baby in Her arms. If that should happen ask for a DNA
Good Luck
I hope You will take this as an important lesson and will no longer be having "casual" sex. NO birth control is 100% "safe" and Babies OFTEN are a result of "sex" - AND an abortion is not even an option for many. It is not a good idea to have sex with anyone You are not prepared to raise a Child with as Two Loving Parents.
I would end all contact with Her until/if/when She shows at Your door with a Baby in Her arms. If that should happen ask for a DNA
Good Luck
Well I wouldn't call it casual sex, we were working towards a relationship before I found out about the other guys in her life and how much she has sI lept around. That was when I broke things off with her, she wasn't to happy about that either but that was after we had sex and before she came to me saying she's pregnant. I'm not really in a good place financially, I make about 15k a year right now, so I don't want to just forget about it, have her turn up with a baby and the test say its mine... Cause I'd be in a bad spot money wise if I didn't prepare for it.
I hope she's just enjoying the drama. I'm sure I hurt her with the things I said to her that night so she might just be doing this to scare me cause I hurt her.
I hope she's just enjoying the drama. I'm sure I hurt her with the things I said to her that night so she might just be doing this to scare me cause I hurt her.
wcc, this happens a LOT. It would be nice if when girls threaten former lovers with this kind of emotional blackmail, you could get a court order for a blood sample to determine if she's pregnant. It seems like that would be reasonable - with proof (texts, emails, hand notes, voicemails, etc.) that she's accusing you of fathering a baby, seems like you'd be entitled to a pregnancy test.
Probably won't ever happen though.
Probably won't ever happen though.
I appreciate You saying that You were working "toward" a relationship BUT I still hold to my opinion that We should know someone well (morals, standards, values) BEFORE we have sex and risk making a Baby with SomeOne we aren't "sure" We are prepared to make a Family with. By Your own admission, You didn't know some important factors about Her.
That being said, I admire Your willingness to "step up to the plate" and assume Your responsibility toward an "innocent" Child (who never asked to be placed in this situation!!)
So, go ahead, plan and save, and be prepared (just in case), BUT if this IS simply drama on Her part - then reward YourSelf with what You have managed to save.
Further note: "casual" sex or not - Babies Are Serious Business!! (for WAY more than 18 YEARS - College, Weddings, GrandBabies, etc., etc.)and EVERY Time You Have Sex - You ARE Risking The Creation Of A Baby. SO!! Choose Your Sexual Partners Wisely 'cuz a Baby can ALWAYS result!! AND You will be "tied "to her for the rest of Your life as You will share parenting and what comes with that: refer to my former mention of College, Weddings, GrandBabies, etc., etc.)
I am NOT criticizing You. In fact, I CERTAINLY admire Your sense of Responsibility here. I am only suggesting that You NOT Father a Baby that You are UNwilling to be a FATHER to. A REAL Father requires "presence" in a Family Unit - not merely financial support.
Good Luck
That being said, I admire Your willingness to "step up to the plate" and assume Your responsibility toward an "innocent" Child (who never asked to be placed in this situation!!)
So, go ahead, plan and save, and be prepared (just in case), BUT if this IS simply drama on Her part - then reward YourSelf with what You have managed to save.
Further note: "casual" sex or not - Babies Are Serious Business!! (for WAY more than 18 YEARS - College, Weddings, GrandBabies, etc., etc.)and EVERY Time You Have Sex - You ARE Risking The Creation Of A Baby. SO!! Choose Your Sexual Partners Wisely 'cuz a Baby can ALWAYS result!! AND You will be "tied "to her for the rest of Your life as You will share parenting and what comes with that: refer to my former mention of College, Weddings, GrandBabies, etc., etc.)
I am NOT criticizing You. In fact, I CERTAINLY admire Your sense of Responsibility here. I am only suggesting that You NOT Father a Baby that You are UNwilling to be a FATHER to. A REAL Father requires "presence" in a Family Unit - not merely financial support.
Good Luck
I think I forgot to also mention that I used a condom for the three times we had sex, yes I KNOW that no form of bc is 100% safe. I checked all three afterwards because I'm paranoid about this kind of thing(kind of ironic) I blewthem up like a balloon to see if there was a tear of any kind(maybe not the smartest idea but its done) and none of them leaked. I uderstand that sperm are very very small, if I remember correctly from anatomy class they are the smallest cell in the body so they could get through a small tear... But I know thats highly unlikely
RR, lol!
wcc963, you are playing into her game if you are letting this "tear you up from the inside." She's just enjoying the drama. Please don't let yourself be an emotional patsy and a victim, she thought of the thing to say to hit you where you live and play you like a violin. Letting yourself be played like a violin is YOUR choice, and you're in control of it. Just disengage.
As Tinker suggested, if you really think there is an ounce of truth in all this silliness, start saving your money. You can have a really nice vacation on it in seven months when there is no baby.
Since I write all the time on the DNA/Paternity forum, I must ask. She went in for an ultrasound on what date (in other words, the day on the calendar, such as March 1) and was told she was 6 weeks 4 days pregnant? If you can provide that date, we can figure out whether this was in range of "sex three times in the first week of January or so" with January 9 being the last time. It might be that this part of the story doesn't make sense medically and on the face of it you are off the hook already. So, what is the date of the ultrasound when she was told 6w4d?
wcc, you sound like a very nice young man. Time to do some manly standing on your own two feet in a grounded fashion. I am sorry this woman with whom you had an intimate relationship and hopes for more, turned out to be a volatile drama queen. Now it's time for you to learn the man lesson, of being concerned which you are as a good human being, but not being gamed. Try to unclench your gut, the likelihood is that this is not true. Of course you will be a good human being and do the right thing if the baby (a) exists, and (b) proves to be yours. But don't let yourself get all squirrelly about it. You can't know what's going on right now, live with that ambiguity as a lesson in not being too casual sexually, and in choosing your partners wisely, but at that also let go and move on with your life.
wcc963, you are playing into her game if you are letting this "tear you up from the inside." She's just enjoying the drama. Please don't let yourself be an emotional patsy and a victim, she thought of the thing to say to hit you where you live and play you like a violin. Letting yourself be played like a violin is YOUR choice, and you're in control of it. Just disengage.
As Tinker suggested, if you really think there is an ounce of truth in all this silliness, start saving your money. You can have a really nice vacation on it in seven months when there is no baby.
Since I write all the time on the DNA/Paternity forum, I must ask. She went in for an ultrasound on what date (in other words, the day on the calendar, such as March 1) and was told she was 6 weeks 4 days pregnant? If you can provide that date, we can figure out whether this was in range of "sex three times in the first week of January or so" with January 9 being the last time. It might be that this part of the story doesn't make sense medically and on the face of it you are off the hook already. So, what is the date of the ultrasound when she was told 6w4d?
wcc, you sound like a very nice young man. Time to do some manly standing on your own two feet in a grounded fashion. I am sorry this woman with whom you had an intimate relationship and hopes for more, turned out to be a volatile drama queen. Now it's time for you to learn the man lesson, of being concerned which you are as a good human being, but not being gamed. Try to unclench your gut, the likelihood is that this is not true. Of course you will be a good human being and do the right thing if the baby (a) exists, and (b) proves to be yours. But don't let yourself get all squirrelly about it. You can't know what's going on right now, live with that ambiguity as a lesson in not being too casual sexually, and in choosing your partners wisely, but at that also let go and move on with your life.
RockRose: Me too!!
I'm not certain what He's saying here. - Did He blow the condoms up BEFORE He used them?? or AFTER??!! ??
wcc963:
I think You got my point: There is no such thing as 100% safe sex. I will stress again: Don't be having sex with someone You aren't prepared to SHARE ParentHood with!!
My opinion is STILL: Do Not Go Around Risking an Unwanted Pregnancy!!AND
Pregnancy Is ALWAYS a Risk if One is Not Going Solo!!
Obviously We (You and I) do not see "eye to eye" here, but, none the less, it's been fun to go back and forth with You.
I'm still wishing You luck on how this turns out. It's obvious You are not "prepared" to be a FATHER (which has little or nothing to do with "Child Support"). CHILD SUPPORT is a "given". Being a FATHER requires MUCH MORE than monetary support!!
I'm not certain what He's saying here. - Did He blow the condoms up BEFORE He used them?? or AFTER??!! ??
wcc963:
I think You got my point: There is no such thing as 100% safe sex. I will stress again: Don't be having sex with someone You aren't prepared to SHARE ParentHood with!!
My opinion is STILL: Do Not Go Around Risking an Unwanted Pregnancy!!AND
Pregnancy Is ALWAYS a Risk if One is Not Going Solo!!
Obviously We (You and I) do not see "eye to eye" here, but, none the less, it's been fun to go back and forth with You.
I'm still wishing You luck on how this turns out. It's obvious You are not "prepared" to be a FATHER (which has little or nothing to do with "Child Support"). CHILD SUPPORT is a "given". Being a FATHER requires MUCH MORE than monetary support!!
I don't remember the exact date but I know it was a Wednesday cause I was in school and then Thursday (when she was bleeding out) I was at work. I'm pretty sure the date of the ultrasound was Feb 20th and it might have been January 6th that she said was the date she got pregnant. I pretty sure now that I flipped the number.
I blew it up after... I'm really paranoid about this kind of thing so its nothing for me to do that to be 99% sure.
So, You're willing to blow up a condom AFTER You've used it ?!! (OMGolly!!) - so then, what's the point?...... after that point????.....if there's a hole in the condom You're okay? and if there's not, You're not? - I'm not getting this!
If You are "that" paranoid about creating a Baby - why not avoid the situation altogether? If it's just about "getting off" well, as I said before - You can do that solo - No risk of pregnancy - no having to blow up a condom, before OR after.
Seems quite simple to me!
If You are "that" paranoid about creating a Baby - why not avoid the situation altogether? If it's just about "getting off" well, as I said before - You can do that solo - No risk of pregnancy - no having to blow up a condom, before OR after.
Seems quite simple to me!
If I blow it up and Theres a hole we know then and there and can handle it much better than finding out weeks later. I know, but at the time I has just gotten dumped after ayear and a half relationship so I was looking for someone to take my mind off my ex. Which she said she was also trying to do so it worked for both of us. Looking back it wasn't a very smart decision I admit and agree with that, but I can't change that now, only learn from it. Which I'm sure after this I will. But I'm just concerned that IF she is pregnant that she'll do this out of spite... I wonder if she sees the financial situation she's putting herself into with not being able to work (she's a cocktail waitress at a local casino) inhaling second hand smoke all day and on her feet.
Ok, let's see. If the ultrasound was in fact February 20, here's a little list:
- First week of January and the 9th, sex with you, with condoms.
- February 20, ultrasound says she is 6 weeks 4 days pregnant.
6w4d counts back to January 5, which would be the first day of her last period. Please get this straight. A doctor or ultrasonographer begins the pregnancy count on the first day of the woman's last period, not the date of conception. A person who is told on a given day "You're 6 weeks 4 days pregnant" by an ultrasonographer is being told she conceived about 4 weeks 4 days prior. Not 6 weeks 4 days prior.
If her period did begin on the 5th, she would not ovulate (and conceive) for a couple of weeks after that, i.e., around the 19th. That is out of your range.
Could have the date of the ultrasound wrong? Did she happen to mention a due date?
____
On the topic of you playing into the drama and picking up the bait, umm ... you're still doing it. Saying loftily "I wonder if she sees the financial situation she's putting herself into with not being able to work (she's a cocktail waitress at a local casino) inhaling second hand smoke all day and on her feet" is the comment of someone who is still trying to fight, by one-upping the person who has been manipulating him. I mean, so what? She is probably not pregnant, and if she is, it is HER outlook not yours to make patronizing comments about her health. Try to let go, it will make your life easier.
- First week of January and the 9th, sex with you, with condoms.
- February 20, ultrasound says she is 6 weeks 4 days pregnant.
6w4d counts back to January 5, which would be the first day of her last period. Please get this straight. A doctor or ultrasonographer begins the pregnancy count on the first day of the woman's last period, not the date of conception. A person who is told on a given day "You're 6 weeks 4 days pregnant" by an ultrasonographer is being told she conceived about 4 weeks 4 days prior. Not 6 weeks 4 days prior.
If her period did begin on the 5th, she would not ovulate (and conceive) for a couple of weeks after that, i.e., around the 19th. That is out of your range.
Could have the date of the ultrasound wrong? Did she happen to mention a due date?
____
On the topic of you playing into the drama and picking up the bait, umm ... you're still doing it. Saying loftily "I wonder if she sees the financial situation she's putting herself into with not being able to work (she's a cocktail waitress at a local casino) inhaling second hand smoke all day and on her feet" is the comment of someone who is still trying to fight, by one-upping the person who has been manipulating him. I mean, so what? She is probably not pregnant, and if she is, it is HER outlook not yours to make patronizing comments about her health. Try to let go, it will make your life easier.
OK, its actually really funny that you mentioned the 19th. that was the day of chilli cook-off here in south Florida. she had been messing around with this guy Jesus right before we kinda got together. and she went to Chilli Cook-off with him and I didn't go. she was texting me telling me she was really drunk and so on. she gets really horny when shes drunk, and im pretty sure he was trying to get with her(I saw them making out a couple weeks before that on her car at a bar... should have ended it there and i kick myself for not). so that would have been the perfect opportunity for him... its just really nice that you happen to mention the exact day that she spent with him and was pretty wasted too. i think they slept together and its his now...
she sent me a screen shot of her ovulation calender and the highlighted week was january 7-12...
Ask for a screen shot of the ultrasound, and when you get it, tell me the date for sure (was it really February 20)? and whether there are any measurements and duration on it. (Duration being the "6 weeks 4 days" remark.)
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