stay or go? (vent)

[RiRi19]

I've been with my now boyfriend for about a year now and I just recently found out I'm expecting (not his) and its a rape baby that I decided to keep. He's accepted that and he's ok with keeping him...only thing is is that I've fallen out of love with him. I can't see us being happy. We live two different lives and I feel like I'm too "busy" to him while he's too boring to me. I've been talking to another guy (friends) lately and he's so amazing. We relate so well and its just awesome! But there's nothing going on between us. I just have a secret crush on him. Lately me and my bf barely talk. We'll send maybe 6 texts a day and he'll stop texting? Then there's my friend who asks how I'm feeling, how's the baby and even makes a big deal about every New pregnancy week and that makes me feel so special. I'm not a cheater and I'd never cheat or flirt with another guy but I feel like I'm not doing my bf a favor by faking happiness with him and falling for another guy. I've even tried ending conversations with my friend and focusing on just my bf but it didn't help at all. It's always me carrying a conversation by myself and him kinda blowing off talking about the baby. I love him still for now but I'm no longer /in love/ with him...I so badly want it to work but I don't want to make a mistake by staying with him. Sorry, this is more a vent.

[RiRi19]

I totally agree but I can assure you I don't plan to date anyone for awhile. Before him I hadn't dated in 5years...I was also very young and told myself I'd never trust or date a man again cause my first child was also a rape baby but my family tried making me raise it saying it was my responsibility. But I ended up giving her up at birth and once I turned 18 i ran far away from my family and ended up with an amazing guy who took me 3years to trust and let myself Fall in love with him. Then we got pregnant and had twin girls which one died from sids and I loved her soooo much. I call her my love baby and her dad, though we're no longer together, was and still is such an amazing dad. Just recently this year my aunt passed and I ended up back with my first daughter who's now 5. I was so scared to get her back, felt like I didn't deserve her but she's been amazing and has adapted so easily. She's so smart and is aware of the whole situation. So I'm actually now gonna be a mom of 3. All I do want is time to myself and my little family. It will be AWHILE before I let another man in my heart and home. I have major trust issues with guys especially since I have two daughters. Thank you women so much for the advice and sorry for this huge vent. I just have no one else to talk to.

[DirtyBlonde95]

I honestly think you should listen to your heart. If you are unhappy with your bf and cannot see a future with him I think you should let him go instead of being unhappy in the relationship and interested in someone else. However maybe your bf just doesn't know all the right words to say sometimes and but I believe you should talk to him first see how he truly feels about everything.

[specialmom]

I'm going to be totally honest.  Unless you take some time and chill for a bit before starting a new relationship, you'll be a chronic man hopper.  It's a pattern that some women have that they aren't ever alone.  There are no gaps between men.  This means they never have that important reflection time between relationships.  

I would do things properly.  Break up.  Take some time ON YOUR OWN and frankly, being pregnant means you have some major life changes coming.  I'd get really settled into that aspect of your life before focusing on dating.  

So, totally agree that the current guy you are with deserves someone who loves him and doesn't feel he is boring.  But then you need to just not date for a little while and become a mom, see how you'll manage working full time and motherhood and giving up most of your free time if not all of it (as parenting is 24/7) and just making all of that work which is REALLY important as a baby is counting on you and not dating or focusing on your romantic life for a bit.  Heal from this broken relationship and the rape.  

Relationship hopping is a pattern that sadly results in someone never really finding a great catch because they don't take the time to do so.  I contend that while with a person, pregnant, etc. is not the best time to look for Mr. Right.  That you have to be your best self to find Mr. Right----  which means fully available.  And if you get with the new guy,  he'll have trust issues with you.  Because you became interested in him while still in a relationship with someone else.  That gets pushed to the side in the beginning but almost always resurfaces down the road and causes problems between people.  

good luck

[thirdtimemum]

It is a good thing you are going to break it off with the current boyfriend, especially if you are not in love with him and don't want to waste his time. On the other hand, even though this other guy sounds great, just remember the baby is not here yet, and when it arrives, things could be a different story. Bringing a baby into the world is hard work, and is a strain on any couple, especially a 'new' couple, and especially when one person is not the biological parent. But if you sure of this man, and you think he can step up to the plate, then I say go with your feelings, but just be prepared for what being parents mean, for you and your relationship .

[RiRi19]

Thanks so much girls :) I've made up my mind to go ahead and end it. I would be wasting his and my own time by staying. I don't want to leave just to go into the arms of my friends. That's not it at all, I just want to take time to myself and think about me and my new baby. I've been trying to think positive only about him and no matter what, I know I'll still love him rather he was a rape baby or love baby. :)

[sweetmila]

I agree with everything danitz says. If you not happy with him then definitely leave him and stop wasting yours and his time. I can tell you right now sometimes the grass is not always greener on the other side. People don't realize it just takes a little watering to make it green.

[DanitzasMama]

Well 1 st ur a strong girl for keeping that baby! And u will grow to love that baby! And as for a start I can see that u have. Quite. a negative things about ur bf and y udont want to be with him so I say leave and stay single and with the new guy that's ur friend if he decides to walk into ur life and helping out with the baby! And u feel happy then go for it. But don't keep being with it bf now if u don't feel him anymore Cuz it just gona make it hard at the end to leave.

[MahMahBeaR]

Hey there i believe that if he is not baby daddy n ur love for him is gone just let him go theres no use in having him around because it can start problems i mean u sound like ur good with baby coming n u have some support all u need is to talk to him tell him how u feel n thank him for being there when u needed him n move on as for the friend guy take ur time get to meet him more n see how it goes n if it works out n hes accepting babyboy also then go for it u have nothing to loose :)

N i think ur a strong amazing girl for keeping ur baby :) good luck girly and godbless u!