I Like My Friend, He Likes Me, But I Need Help!!!

[EmmyJN]

So... I met this guy. He's a friend of a friend. Very sweet. But... I'm a little conflicted.

I'm not...looking for a relationship. I would easily welcome one, of course, if someone was interested. But I'm not the kind of person who persues people to get a relationship out of them. I'm not looking for anything...or at least, I wasn't before. I didn't think I was. It was more a thing in the back of my mind. I chose to be single and I originally intended to stay that way.

Then I met Bryan.

He's 18, really nice. We're very similar, about the way we view the world, about our veiws of the planet and things like that. We have a lot of the same interests in art, music, dance, those kinds of things. He's a very good listener, which I love. He talks about himself openly, but not in that narcassistic way that a lot of teenaged boys tend to talk, especially when they're tyring to persue a person. And the way he started talking to me was very cute---he did tis secret admirer thing on a website we're both part of, private messaging me and stuff like that, and then yesterday he finally was like "I'm your admirer".

He talks about me a lot. He wants to know things about me, deeper things beyond "What's your favorite color" and all that awkward stuf. He's not superficial. and he's very...real. I think that's one of the reasons I am so interested in him, he's not afraid or ashamed of who he is, which I find very cute. And he's sensative, sensative about himself and the world around him. He's worldly the way that I am. And that is somehting I have never found in any guy near my age so far.

Bryan isn't possessive, but he's the kind of guy who has guts. He's not afraid to be that old-fashioned guy who respects women, but at the same time takes the responsibility of comitment. For example, he says things like "I wanna make you mine" and that kind of thing. And i like that. I like strong guys who know where they stand. He's shy, quiet, and sweet, but masculine, and that's what i've been looking for. There are guys who get intimidated by my life ambitions and the way I am, the maturity and eccentricity I have by nature, but he isn't. He holds his ground and that, to me, is very attractive. I really do like it.

Now, the problem is...the age. Because I'm not 17 yet (I will be in less than a month) and he's 18, that worries me a little bit. He's in college. We talk, but we live far apart, and so we wouldn't really see each other until I'm out of high school and I can travel over school breaks and stuff like that. The other thing is I literally don't know how to react to this kind of attention. He's so flattering and sweet. He's always complimenting me, asking me about my day, just these gentlemanly things that, honestly, I've always been thinking about when I think of what I want in a guy. And now that I've found someone like that, i don't know what to do or how to go about it. i guess i don't want to disappoint him and make him think that I'm not... I don't even know.

He said he's had a crush on me for a while (thanks to my firend...) and he asked me out. But this is where I get confused, cuz if we live so far apart and our "contact" is Skyping and emails, are we really together? Because that doesn't seem like we'd be "together" to me. And then what, if we would meet again one day (he was visiting, that's how we met the first time and how i've seem him a few times since), all of the sudden we're "togehter"? It's just weird to me. But I don't want to stop talking to him because of how he is. His nature is what I was looking for and  now... pfft.

If anyone can give me advice, that'd be great.

thanks.

[EmmyJN]

Rocky Rose: See, that's my problem. *sigh* I do like him. A lot. But we've only met in person a couple of times, when he's come back to visit family or whatever. And back then, we were just friends. He said he's like me for a while, but I don't know if that goes back to those times he visited (the last time was about two months ago) or more recent. I don't know. I definately have a lot of thinking to do. Right now this is all just innocent, flirty, cute stuff. I don't want to get to in to depth with a guy right now to begin with, but at the same time I keep thinking "What if I could be missing something here?" That's why I don't want to rush things. I don't want to go off impulse right now and then later kick myself.

Specialmom: I've seen from experience that long distance doesn't work. My cousin Nicki and her boyfriend (now husband) Eli were long-distance for a while. Both of them cheated on each other -_- They stopped that when they were finally together but I don't want that to happen to me.At the same time, I know that it can work if you do have some time to see each other. I think I would feel bad, though, when he comes back for spring break to see family and then if he feels obligated to see me because we never see each other. *sigh* I dunno. I really wanna do this but I think that I need to put the breaks on even more than they are. Everything is innocent right now, just fun, or that's how I see it. But I don't know how he sees it...

lovemykids465: I have told him these things. Well... some of them. Most of them, but not every detail. He's hinted that he knows it may or may not work. Right now, we're just doing that flirty, I-like-you-and-you-like-me thing. It's kind of nice, because it's moving pretty slow and more than anything I'm really getting to know him on a deeper level than I did before. My biggest fear, to be honest, is that... Okay, say we do this. This whole thing. We take it slow, then I go off to college and we're still together, we find ways to see each other. But eventually, if you think realistically, it could crumble simply because we're not together EVERY day like "normal" couples. And then...what? I lose a friend? I don't want that to happen. That's the hardest part for me. I don't really date in general and I used to have a very strict "I Don't Date Friends" policy. But Bryan is different, for whatever reason. I don't want to screw up what we have right now... That's what I'm really worried for.

[myown2]

I don't see long distance as a problem as you will get to know each other probably faster than if you were living in the same town. The reason I say that is because a lot of your communication will be thru emails and such and sometimes some men can open up easier that way.. Ya know a lot of men are a little on the shy side ,,, some just get stuck when it comes to holding long conversations with women and mostly because they think to talk about 'little stuff' is stupid,,, but in writing they don't have the woman right there keeping the conversation lively so they are forced to write more then " how are you or whats new."

So winds up they get used to writing about things that they would consider trivial or stupid but what we as women would consider 'getting to know you, getting to know all about you" as the song says..

I had a relationship that started long distance that could have been life long but after some time, long time,I didn't see it that way.
It started in person as friends, then he had gone into the service and thats when I really started liking him because in person he was too serious to do any small talk, but because of having to write, he had to let go of that serious side and learn to lighten up and talk (write) about things that maybe he would never have discussed in person as some things might have seemed trivial to him, but to me it wasn't trivial at all but instead I was getting to know him.
So I am a believer in long distance relationships working IF you want them too. No one or nothing including distance can stop chemistry between 2 people.
If the chemistry is there for 'BOTH' people,its hard to stop 'that chemistry' even if you yourself want to stop, chemistry is chemistry...

So if he seems like a nice guy, enjoy his company and have fun..and get to know him more and take it from there..if its meant to 'be,' it will only 'be' if you guys make it happen. It takes two.

[RockRose]

I always feel hesitant about long-distance relationships.  

If this were a flesh and blood relationship for several months or more,  and then he moved away to go to college,  and that made your relationship unavoidably long-distance,  that's one thing.

But you both began this relationship,  from the very beginning,  as a long-distance one.  It was both of your choice,  knowing you both are inaccessible to each other.

In my observation people who choose to do that want exactly that - a long-distance,  not a flesh-and-blood-nitty-gritty-no-hiding-from-each-other relationship.

I wish you well,  and you certainly seem to be self-aware and reasonable.  I just don't have much faith in relationships that are purposely long-distance.

[specialmom]

Oh, I think a couple of things here.  First, you two are pretty close in age.  He is away at school but stil interested in you.  Long distance isn't ideal but can work.  If you like him and he likes you, I'd just take this slow and enjoy it.  I really would.  good luck dear

[lovemykids465]

Tell him how you feel. If he is as wonderful as you make him sound, he will understand. You guys are young. Why not start out slow see where it takes you. Yes, things can change when he goes off to school but then again they may not.