Many issues surrounding having a relationship - sexulality

[aid821]

I'm a 29yo male who has many issues with having a relationship. One of the main issues is that i'm physically attracted to men, and have 'experimented' with a male friend during my school days, and thoroughly enjoyed it. But i'm not interested in having a relationship of any sort with them. When i hit puberty, and hormones consumed me, i was sexually attracted to girls and i remember going to a school disco and staring at a girl in my year, thinking she was beautiful.

- I haven't had a relationship with anyone since high school. I do, however get on great with women and often are quite popular with them. I guess you could say i'm emotionally attracted to them, i can empathise with them and talk to them for hours and as such, can develop a close connection with them, but it never feels like a sexual attraction? I actually find it hard to connect with most men, often finding them arrogant and egotistical.

-  When i'm shown interest from other people, i generally get overwhelmed, turned off and uninterested. I'm not sure i even like the idea of sex and haven't engaged in it yet. Is it normal to not even be interested in sex??

- I don't like personal close contact with others i.e kissing, hugging, holding hands. I find it invades my personal space and that automatically makes me feel tense and uncomfortable. But i realise if it was with someone i was attracted to, it wouldn't be a problem would it? Could this go with above for sex??

- I masturbate to male porn and feel that fulfils my sexual needs.

- I'm currently seeing a woman i've known for a few years and she has all of the attributes i'm looking for in a woman. I feel a great connection with her and enjoy her company when going out, in fact, i've never felt so comfortable around another woman, i can be myself. We are on the verge of having a proper relationship, and i'm getting quite anxious about it. Trouble is, i don't feel any sexual attraction to her. The next day after seeing her, i fall into the routine of everyday life and feel like i don't want to make an effort to contact her for a while, which brings me to my next point...

- I feel like i'm too independent, i don't feel like i need to care for anyone, just continue with everyday life, doing what i want to do, when i want to do it. I thought by this age, i would be over that. Am i too set in my ways?? I'm a quiet kinda guy and can't really handle too many commitments at one time. I do like to be in control of what i take on etc. I would consider myself to be very tense and sensitive, but try not to appear that way on the surface.

- I desperately want the house and the children one day (i have nieces and nephews). But how do i get there??

Thankyou for taking the time to read through, I'm sorry it is a long post, but i'd like to get some feedback or advice as i need to know whether to take this relationship to the next level or whether i need to seek some help. THANKYOU in advance!

[specialmom]

These ladies have given good advice.  Being in inner turmoil is hard and I hope you find your way.  And as you've found many men to not be "relationship" material thus far . . . remeber, there is a wide range of personalities out there.  There are men that may have the qualities you see in women now that you like.  Perhaps your inner turmoil has put up a barrier in which it has been hard for you to get past that and see people that way.  good luck

[AnnieBrooke]

Just to add one thought to what RockRose said, you can certainly have a house and children even if you come to the realization that you are gay.  The urge to be a parent and shepherd a family through life has nothing to do with your sexuality.  

[RockRose]

aid,  first question,  is your behavior "normal".  It doesn't matter at all if it's normal or typical, it's what you are experiencing.  

I think you're in conflict.  You imagine the American dream - which you think you should want - interesting you phrase it as a "house and kids" rather than a "wife and kids".  

I think you're gay and you're in denial.  And I think if you pick a woman and marry her and have children,  you will leave in your 40's to acknowledge your true sexuality,  and it will be wrenching for everyone.  

I think you really need to have some heartfelt honest introspection before you move forward.  

I think you need to find the movie "Making Love" with Kate Jackson and Harry Hamlin.  It's an easier movie to watch than "Brokeback Mountain" - but it's the same subject.  A man in what appears to be a happy marriage but who is gay and it rips their lives apart because the man is in denial.  

Best wishes.  This is really hard.  I don't think you'll come in to your full acknowledgement of your sexuality until you can't resist pursuing it in your later years.