what do I do?

[anonymous03]

I recently found out I am pregnant about a week and a half ago, not the best timing, but it happened. There is nothing I can do now. My boyfriend used to be really supportive and very sweet. He was great, though he has been acting weird ever since we found out about our little one on the way. We're both in college and nervous about it. Though he's really pulled back a lot and doesn't talk to me much. I'm scared and want him there for support. He said he won't leave me, but he's not talking much with me right now at all. What is going on with him? I've asked him about why he's been so distant, but he didn't say anything. What do I do now? I don't want to lose him and I want my boyfriend back.

[specialmom]

Anonymous, it is indeed unfair.  That is why you must take care of yourself in this situation.  Maybe he will come around and hopefully you have not built up too much resentment by then.  He doesn't realize the damage his disappearing act is doing to your trust in him.  

Just give it time and see how this unfolds.  There is still hope that he is just absorbing this and will come back full force and be there for you.  I think when you talk to him------ ask him about how HE feels about the baby without putting any words into his mouth from how you think he should feel about being a father.  It is very true that we never know what is going on in someone else's mind (whether we are male or female or they are male or female)--------- and when they shut us out . . . we are left to guess.  Our mind wanders to bad places with that and maybe that is not where he is at all.  We are ALL only guessing and until you hear it from him, you won't know.  

But you DO know how you feel and it sounds hurt and scared.  I'm very sorry for that.  I wish you peace and luck.

[ConnieG]

I'm sorry you're going through this.  It's not fair that he can just go away and think and you're stuck being pregnant the whole time.  You just have to try and find the silver lining.  That's the only way you'll make it through with your sanity intact :)  I hope he comes around for you!  But I promise, if you push to hard you will probably just push him away.  If you give him space then there is still a chance he'll come back :)
I think the difference between surgery and parenthood is once you recover after a month or so everything is back to what it was.  Men can understand pain and help with that. But parenthood never goes away. It costs money and time and possibly change his future forever.  If he has goals for his future he may be afraid this will interfere with it.  I know my husband takes a long time to get used to change like that.  So he may need to think through all his options with how to keep his goals but with an extra expense and time consumer like a baby......
If you're a praying person, now is a good time to start praying.  Pray for peace and for your boyfriend to come around and take up his responsibilities.
In the meantime, I'm glad you have a good support system around you!

[mami1323]

Sam no one can say what's going on in his mind not even you. You may be a male but not all men think the same. Unless you are telepathic then I would say ok but I highly doubt you are. Yes he could be scared and that's what it sounds like to me but you have no idea if he is going to decide to stay or go or what. We will have to see.

[anonymous03]

It is SO unfair that he can get space and think and I can't get away from the situation. I try not to think about and then feel sick and remember the baby is in me. I want to just sit and talk with him. I don't want to be alone through this. I sat and cried with my best friend earlier tonight. I'm so afraid he'll leave me. He's helped me through so much and we've been there for each other. I can't believe he'd back away now of all times.

SeriousSam, you may know what the male mind thinks at times, but you do NOT know what us females think. Don't categorize me into some female who would purposely get pregnant to keep a guy or what ever you had in mind. You don't know what it's like to be in my situation and never will.  

[SeriousSam]

Of course I am writing from my experience.  We all do. Which is one I am replying.  She wanted to know what was going on with her boyfriend and having been there once from a slightly older experience where I was living with my fiancee'.  I was more mature at the time but I had more life experience and a different personality.  I have also known other guys who were in similar situations.  On right out of highschool.

However if you will just explain from a female perspective what is going on accurately in the average male mind....  You are probably going to be very insightful and a good fiction writer.

[specialmom]

I know it is hard.  Just stay calm and give him that space.  Give him a chance to get himself together with this new chapter in his life and you'll get a clearer picture where he is really at in his head.  Take lots of deep breaths, a warm bath and do something nice for yourself.  Maybe tomorrow you will be able to talk when you get together but if he needs a little space, as painful as that feels, just try to give it to him.  

I know you can't get any space from it . . . which feels unfair.  But just try to get through this period of uncertainty and know that things will be more clear as time goes on.  Hang in there.  Let us know how things go tomorrow and sorry you feel alone right now.