what do I do?

[anonymous03]

I recently found out I am pregnant about a week and a half ago, not the best timing, but it happened. There is nothing I can do now. My boyfriend used to be really supportive and very sweet. He was great, though he has been acting weird ever since we found out about our little one on the way. We're both in college and nervous about it. Though he's really pulled back a lot and doesn't talk to me much. I'm scared and want him there for support. He said he won't leave me, but he's not talking much with me right now at all. What is going on with him? I've asked him about why he's been so distant, but he didn't say anything. What do I do now? I don't want to lose him and I want my boyfriend back.

[SeriousSam]

Cut your boyfriend some slack then.  No birth control is 100% is true but one of the things he is also going through, because all guys know at one lady who has done this, is doubts as to whether you got pregnant on purpose.

[anonymous03]

I really want my boyfriend with me. He had been my rock before when I had gone through major surgery about a year ago. He had been the best boyfriend. I couldn't ask for a better one. It's just now with him acting like this, it kills me. I don't get why he all of the sudden isn't around. I really could just cry. I know my boyfriend would be a good dad, he is so cute with kids. One of the things I really like about him. I'm trying to be patient, but I'd like his support now, not a "maybe" later on down the road. It's not that I am so strictly prolife, I'm more strictly advocating responsibility. If you make the choice to have sex, then you deal with your consequences of your choice. It's a risk you take, since bc isn't 100%. My boyfriend always wore condoms. I was on the mini pill, but wasn't the best at taking them the same time every day. Well at least that had happened lately with all the stress I had been under. My father has cancer, so I've been taking care of him.  The condom had broke, though I didn't get the morning after pill. I had taken that pill once before, and it made me sick, throwing up, extreme cramping, etc. at my next period. Said I wouldn't use it again, so I didn't. Figured the pill I was on would work.

[specialmom]

I know that I for one rarely tell someone to ditch their male partner when kids are involved unless there is infidelity, abuse or addiction.  Those are deal breakers.  And I always encourage women to keep the father in their children's lives.  Unfortunately, my experience is that many men do walk away from their partner and children.  And while I may just seem like some mad woman on med help . .   I did have a career for many years in which I heard the stories of countless families.  And now I'm an at home mom.  But it is my husband that would tell you that my temperament is better suited for staying home with the children than he.  

But Sam, I realize you are trying to help and that is much appreciated.  This is not a place of male vs. female agendas as far as I'm concerned.    I try to give advice based on an individual poster and their story and don't have any hidden agenda.  I promise.  

Anyway, I do wish this poster well and I think she'd like nothing better than to have her boyfriend be a part of this pregnancy and baby to be.  

[SeriousSam]

Just out of curiosity what type of birth control were you guys using?

[SeriousSam]

Give him a little space, I know this is rough for you. Dear god I truly do.  However be patient even though you don't feel like it because you are under stress too but if you are careful you really could walk out of this, if not with a marital partner, at the very least a best friend and a parenting partner.

Fathers sometimes have a rougher start but more often than not are just as good or better than mom's with kids if you looked up the stats on single moms and single dads.  Consider that 71% of deaths of children involve the mother, of those 60% are boy kids.  There is evidence that only a small amount of male homosexuality is genetic, and that a larger portion of them involve usually strong maternal personalities interfering with bonding.

BUt that being said neither the possession of ovaries or testes necessarilly makes one sex or another a better parent or, as recent studies show--disposable.  Children really do need both parents ideally to grow up well balanced.  If you look around at some of these posters many of them recommend ditching the male partner all the time even though many of them remained married for the whole time they raised their kids.

Be patient and take the higher road and I really do think your path will be easier over the long run, and your child will turn out better for it.

Good luck.

BTW?  I am not really a fan of abortion though a lot of the "pro-lifers largely disgust me because they are not for birth control and think that their responsible ends at preventing the abortion but not at ensuring education housing or anything else.

Honestly I think a society can and should be judged by how it treats kids, elderly, madmen and parents.  And there is no greater responsibility than that of a parent.

[specialmom]

You have only known about the pregnancy for a week and a half.  It is very new to both of you.  Sometimes we talk about things but then it feels very different when it actualy happens.  I'm glad you have your cousin to lean on and talk to about this right now.  You need someone like that.  

You don't have to know what you are going to do right now.  Maybe your boyfriend will come out of his daze and step up to the plate.  I hope so as that seems what you desire most.  You sound like a young lady with your head on straight here and thinking about all of the aspects involved in having a child.  That makes me know in my heart that you are going to be okay.  It is going to be okay.  

I agree about a two parent family.  That is the ideal.  If you decide to give the baby up for adoption, you can still have contact in what is called an open adoption.  If you keep the baby and your boyfriend does not marry you or stay with  you, you should always make him a part of the child's life.  Kids always want to know that they are loved by BOTH parents whether they live together or not. Ideal is best but when it is not possible, you make the best life for the child that you can.  
Sleep on this, take some time to think-----------  but I'm telling you, my gut says that you are going to be okay.  Peace to you.