Aa
what do I do?
I recently found out I am pregnant about a week and a half ago, not the best timing, but it happened. There is nothing I can do now. My boyfriend used to be really supportive and very sweet. He was great, though he has been acting weird ever since we found out about our little one on the way. We're both in college and nervous about it. Though he's really pulled back a lot and doesn't talk to me much. I'm scared and want him there for support. He said he won't leave me, but he's not talking much with me right now at all. What is going on with him? I've asked him about why he's been so distant, but he didn't say anything. What do I do now? I don't want to lose him and I want my boyfriend back.
I had thought about adoption, but my boyfriend's parents are really excited about having a grandbaby. If they knew their son was acting like he is, they'd probably slap him upside the head. He's been a great boyfriend up until this, I really don't get why he is all of the sudden "busy" now when I need him there. He called during his lunch break to check up on me, but we didn't talk much. I really don't get him. He's acting so weird.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Absolutely he did. I would be feeling pretty resentful myself with the way he is acting. But again, that is the unfair burden of pregnancy for a woman vs a man. We HAVE to deal with it and they can just be "busy" doing other things. I wish he would be there for you to help give you some emotional support and help in deciding the important things ahead.
The reason why I brought up the practical side of having a child is because sometimes we get caught up in "having a baby" without thinking about what it really means. It is certainly harder than I imagined it to be.
Adoption is one of those things that some people really balk at. It is hard, no doubt. I think all the way around, it is hard to have an unplanned pregnancy. Adoption is giving a true gift to another family. Those that adopt have usually desired a child for a long time and have an intense longing to be parents. They're usually set and ready to go for the care of a child. Adoption is a beautiful thing. And then you go on to have the family you desire when it is the right time. I would never push adoption on anyone because it is very personal and not something everyone would want to do. But I do see it as a beautiful gift. So, it is one of your options to think about. Catholic social services is a good organization as well as many lawyers handle adoptions.
Again, I'm certainly not pushing adoption on you but wanted to mention it as one of your options. I'm glad that abortion has been taken off of the table. Just sit with it all and think. Your boyfriend leads me to believe that you really must consider this as YOUR situation to deal with. Yes, he is responsible as well. But as we've seen--------- he is claiming to be "busy" and what can you do about that. I guess you could always call his mother----------- I'm sure she'd have a few things to say about it. But I think your boyfriend would greatly resent that and pull back even further.
Ugh. I feel for you dear. I wish you luck.
The reason why I brought up the practical side of having a child is because sometimes we get caught up in "having a baby" without thinking about what it really means. It is certainly harder than I imagined it to be.
Adoption is one of those things that some people really balk at. It is hard, no doubt. I think all the way around, it is hard to have an unplanned pregnancy. Adoption is giving a true gift to another family. Those that adopt have usually desired a child for a long time and have an intense longing to be parents. They're usually set and ready to go for the care of a child. Adoption is a beautiful thing. And then you go on to have the family you desire when it is the right time. I would never push adoption on anyone because it is very personal and not something everyone would want to do. But I do see it as a beautiful gift. So, it is one of your options to think about. Catholic social services is a good organization as well as many lawyers handle adoptions.
Again, I'm certainly not pushing adoption on you but wanted to mention it as one of your options. I'm glad that abortion has been taken off of the table. Just sit with it all and think. Your boyfriend leads me to believe that you really must consider this as YOUR situation to deal with. Yes, he is responsible as well. But as we've seen--------- he is claiming to be "busy" and what can you do about that. I guess you could always call his mother----------- I'm sure she'd have a few things to say about it. But I think your boyfriend would greatly resent that and pull back even further.
Ugh. I feel for you dear. I wish you luck.
I was thinking about adoption, though I am not sure. I do want the baby, but I know it'll be super hard and this is not at all how I had thought having my first child would go. I am a full time student and work part time. Though my job has benefits, so I have my own insurance. I have been looking at what online classes are offered through the university I go to, so I can take those which can make it easier on me(a little bit easier anyways). If my parents start being supportive maybe they can watch the baby, but I don't know about that yet. It's all overwhelming right now. I just want to cry. lol. I'm trying to keep it all together. I called my boyfriend this morning, but he was "busy". I don't want to push him to marry me, rather not have him hate me his whole life. Though he does now have a child on the way, and it wasn't just me that got us into this situation. He did this, too.
COMMUNITY LEADER
The end of my first paragraph went bad-------- sorry. I meant that I'm sure that marriage preceded pregnancy and that both you and your future husband were established in jobs and lifestyle.
I wish you luck. I know this is hard. I hope your boyfriend comes around for everyone's sake but realistically you can't count on that now. The unfair part of pregnancy---------- YOU can't run away and he can. Ugh.
Best of luck to you and the baby.
I wish you luck. I know this is hard. I hope your boyfriend comes around for everyone's sake but realistically you can't count on that now. The unfair part of pregnancy---------- YOU can't run away and he can. Ugh.
Best of luck to you and the baby.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I can really relate to having a plan in life and being committed to it. You go to college and make plans for your future. I'm sure a husband and children were in the plan someday but not before . . . well, he was the husband and you were both on your feet and out of college, working, etc.
A baby is a huge undertaking. I think for now you need to think about your future and that it now has a baby in it. I am a fan of adoption if one thinks they can not do it alone. You can not count on the baby's father to be there. Many a man has run from their responsibility -------- so you want to be sure YOU can handle this. Your parents will be supportive eventually most likely. So maybe they will help you. But I think you resign yourself that you are in this alone for now.
Your boyfriend coming around? Well, his hopes and dreams of how life would work out have also taken a major detour. He may be just dealing with that. He may say that I love her but am not sure I want to spend the rest of my life with her. He maybe saying this is NOT what I want. He may be thinking it through. Whatever HE is doing, you need to think about yourself and this baby.
I'd start making plans if adoption is not an option. How are you going to support the child? Insurance may go under your parents for medical costs if you are a full time student------- but there will be copays and additional expenses. How you will finish school and care for the baby? What income will you have for the babies needs? Who will watch the baby? I know that I am throwing all of the practical things at you -------- but honestly, these things don't just work out. You have to plan and prepare. It can be done but you need to really work on how it will get done.
I had big plans for myself after college. I'm sure you did as well. You will now have to coordinate a child into those plans. It alters things but you'll just have to be more creative. I wish you the best of luck.
Oh, and give your boyfriend space. If you force the issue of him being there right now and marriage------- he'll pull away more most likely. You do not want to coerce (how do you spell that?) someone into marriage. Those usually do not have happy endings. You want him to discover he loves you enough to offer commitment to you. But do your best to make the baby part of his life no matter what happens.
A baby is a huge undertaking. I think for now you need to think about your future and that it now has a baby in it. I am a fan of adoption if one thinks they can not do it alone. You can not count on the baby's father to be there. Many a man has run from their responsibility -------- so you want to be sure YOU can handle this. Your parents will be supportive eventually most likely. So maybe they will help you. But I think you resign yourself that you are in this alone for now.
Your boyfriend coming around? Well, his hopes and dreams of how life would work out have also taken a major detour. He may be just dealing with that. He may say that I love her but am not sure I want to spend the rest of my life with her. He maybe saying this is NOT what I want. He may be thinking it through. Whatever HE is doing, you need to think about yourself and this baby.
I'd start making plans if adoption is not an option. How are you going to support the child? Insurance may go under your parents for medical costs if you are a full time student------- but there will be copays and additional expenses. How you will finish school and care for the baby? What income will you have for the babies needs? Who will watch the baby? I know that I am throwing all of the practical things at you -------- but honestly, these things don't just work out. You have to plan and prepare. It can be done but you need to really work on how it will get done.
I had big plans for myself after college. I'm sure you did as well. You will now have to coordinate a child into those plans. It alters things but you'll just have to be more creative. I wish you the best of luck.
Oh, and give your boyfriend space. If you force the issue of him being there right now and marriage------- he'll pull away more most likely. You do not want to coerce (how do you spell that?) someone into marriage. Those usually do not have happy endings. You want him to discover he loves you enough to offer commitment to you. But do your best to make the baby part of his life no matter what happens.
The baby isn't a mistake, the timing of when it happened is a mistake. I'm over half way through earning my bachelors degree. I'm close and the timing of having this baby isn't the right time. I had it planned that I'd have kids after earning my degree, but the plan has now changed. I know I'll love the baby when he or she gets here, it's just hard when the people you love aren't being supportive at all. I need the support and I'm not getting it.
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