what do I do?

[anonymous03]

I recently found out I am pregnant about a week and a half ago, not the best timing, but it happened. There is nothing I can do now. My boyfriend used to be really supportive and very sweet. He was great, though he has been acting weird ever since we found out about our little one on the way. We're both in college and nervous about it. Though he's really pulled back a lot and doesn't talk to me much. I'm scared and want him there for support. He said he won't leave me, but he's not talking much with me right now at all. What is going on with him? I've asked him about why he's been so distant, but he didn't say anything. What do I do now? I don't want to lose him and I want my boyfriend back.

[anonymous03]

I get that you're trying to show the man's perspective, but he had a choice. He made the choice when he has sex. Before I ever slept with my boyfriend I wanted to know his views on abortion. I believe every baby deserves a chance at life and if my boyfriend thought differently, I wouldn't sleep with him. I wouldn't want to get pregnant and be pressured into have an abortion. I think the reason most women don't want the guy involved is because he isn't being a respectful/responsible father. I think everyone has seen an example of that. I can use my cousin's ex as an example of that. It's sad really. I would hope my boyfriend wouldn't be one of them, though he's not exactly putting himself in the best light. I'm really hoping he comes around and is just having a hard week.  

[anonymous03]

It's all just a lot to think about. I would talk it all over with my boyfriend right now if he wasn't "busy", isolating himself. I love my boyfriend, but right now he is driving me crazy. He can make me so mad. I hate the way he is acting right now. He's not normally like this at all. I don't get him. It's not like a whole lot changes for him right now, so I don't get why he is acting more terrified than me. My cousin offered support and said she'd help me through it with anything I needed. I know I can borrow her maternity clothes, her son's old crib, etc. I know I can be a good mom, though I want my baby to have a 2 parent family. If my boyfriend leaves, then I think I'll be leaning toward giving the baby up for adoption.

[SeriousSam]

First of all most fathers WANT to be part of their kids lives but 85% women polled wanted the father to have nothing to do with the children once the father was no longer involved with the mother.

That having been said-thankfully so far as adoptions go thankfully in most states if she tries to put the baby up for adoption the dad gets a chance to keep it.

That having been said I was not advocating abortion rather that this is a situation where her boyfriend has little or no control over what is going on,  Sometimes knowing that you have options even if they are unacceptable ones you would never take can be stress reducer.

Regarding mistakes... of course getting pregnant at this time is a mistake.  But with lots of hard work they can take a mistake into a blessing.

Keep in mind though while parenting is rewarding no one is a natural parent and that a person who claims to be is lying to themself.

If you work hard, make some sacrifices and work with the other parent-partner or not parenting can be very rewarding

[specialmom]

And you don't have to now.  This is an important decision and you have to live with it and be comfortable with it.  No one can tell you what to do.  I wish your mom would come around as well and offer you some support and an ear to discuss all of this.  She will come around but it sounds like everyone is just getting used to the idea.  

You don't need to know exactly what you are doing now.  You can think about it and weigh the options, pros and cons and make a decision when it is necessary.

Try to make sure you are getting rest and taking care of yourself.  Worry and anxiety can derail our health.  Hang in there and we are here if you need us!

[anonymous03]

Thanks! We had talked about adoption before I had gotten pregnant, and he didn't like the idea. In the beginning when we had first started having sex, we talked about what would happen if I got pregnant. He always said how he would be there, we'd get married, and would help to raise the baby and make sure we had all we needed. Though he isn't really living up to his word right now, as he isn't talking to me much. I haven't brought up the topic of adoption again since we found out I was pregnant. I know it's a lot of work to raise a baby. I've seen a few sides of it all, watching a few friends and cousins go through it. My friend is a single mother and I have seen her struggle. My cousin gave her baby up for adoption and struggles, too. I really don't know what I am doing yet.

[specialmom]

Well, this is a pretty huge thing.  Babies are wonderful things but they do change everything.  When you are in college and you are looking at getting your education, setting yourself up to get a good job AND trying to have a good time . . . it is hard to picture where a baby will fit into that.  Probably even more so for you but you don't have the luxery of pretending it isn't happening.  He sounds like he is scared p oopless.  Ya know, I was married and we were trying to conceive and had been trying for a long time . . . and my husband still during my pregnancy confessed that he was nervous and scared for what the baby would mean to our relationship and his life.  So, I think at the very least ------- your boyfriend is absorbing this.  He may go through a period of being distant.  He may come back to you and be supportive.  But if he does not, don't rule adoption out because his parents are gung ho for a grandbaby.  They won't be the ones up late at night, taking courses on line and losing the valuable in class experience of college, changing diapers, feeding on a schedule and really just trying to hold it all together.  Having a baby is hard.  Not everyone perceives it that way--------- but I can just tell that you are a thoughtful young lady and do not want this baby to have anything but the best upbringing.  You aren't going to ditch the baby every chance you get to go out, etc.  You'll be a dedicated mom. And that takes a LOT of work.  So as your pregnancy progresses, you can think about this and think about what you want to do.  You have time to make the best decision for all concerned.  Can you ask your boyfriend about adoption?  His reaction may tell you a lot.  

But I think his acting weird is pretty normal under the circumstances.  It IS a big deal to bring a child in the world and changes one's life.  How many times can I wish you luck----------- but you know--------- I just wish you luck with all that must be going through your head right now.