what should I do? my boyfriend is addicted to porn.

[artsychica4699]

Hi I have a very odd problem and I just wanted to get some second opinions on my dilemma. You see a little over a year ago I started dating this amazing guy from my work. He was cute, sweet, and we just got along soo well, he made me feel so happy and beautiful. we both decided to wait on the sex until we were both ready ( i was still a virgin at the time, he wasn't). anyways so after about seven or eight months of some wonderful dating, we decided to move in together, we also started to have sex. the sex was amazing at first, but its been slowly but surely come to almost a halt. I feel weird being the one who always has to initiate it, and it always feels so rushed, like he's in such a hurry or something. Also since we've moved in I realized just how much he liked porn. At first it wasn't a big deal, nearly every guy has a little bit of porn stashed some where, but my boyfriend was different. one day about five or six months ago while he was busy he asked me to  log onto his separate user account he had on the computer to  check something for him. when I did I saw porn all over the desktop, not to mention the thousands, yes thousands, not a just a few, not a couple hundred, but literally thousands of photos and downloaded videos of other women. I just felt so hurt, he had never hidden anything from me before until this. he quickly covered it up when I confronted him about it, he tried to brush it off like it was nothing, and I let it go. but then he started spending a lot of time on the computer, a lot. during school and work I hardly had any time   to see him, and it hurt me when I would go to sleep at night alone while he stayed up for hours on his computer, looking at other girls. and I've never been the jealous type, I've always been considered to be extremely attractive, but it just makes me feel like dirt when he looks at porn, not only when I have to go out of town for a couple days or something, but even when I'm in the house with him, offering to have sex and try anything he would like. But instead he would rather just wack off to porn for a while and then later tell me he's just "too tired", "or not in the mood". anyways sorry to make this so long but basically this habit he has is driving me crazy and I have confronted him very nicely about the problem, I've let him know how it made me feel, and he said he would try to change, and I'll admit I could tell he was really trying, but he's slowly going back to doing what he use to do and it's killing me. The only reason why we're still together is the fact that other than the porn and the dry sex life, he's the absolute perfect boyfriend, I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him, and I'd like to make this relationship work. any one have any good advice or comments  that may help me sort this out a little? thanx

[teko]

I say, If you have a bf that is addicted to porn. Lose him. I am selfish enuff that if I do not come first and foremost and have the respect that I desserve from a fella, then he aint the right fella. Do not settle for less than you are worth. He is not the one, move on and leave him to his hand and his porn. No room for you there.

[jo929]

I really do not think you need an answer to this you know what to do,He got what he wanted from you, and he is addicted to porn, no i would say it is more than time to leave and find a normal guy Not all men like porn  luck  jo

[Judy246]

Hi, this no longer is a "little" problem as your b/f has developed an addiction to porn. You have already talked to him and expressed your concern an dislike at the amount of time he is spending watching porn, and I personally can't imagine going into the computer and finding "thousands" of porn picture, websites, etc. Everyone one in there lifetime,especially youth has watch porn with or without their partner, but this is something that your b/f probably had before he met you. Porn is considered one of the most addictive, imoral and destructive issues the effect the very core and foundation of a family unit and relationship, because the person no longer want just plain love making, they want and have to have it like in there porn and there is where the problem arise. It's also selfserving, because many partner do not want to watch it, because they find it discusting and wrong. There is nothing "beautiful" about porn.

The foundation of a good relationship is communication and trust and you are now aware of his addiction, because porn like a drug, suck you into it's web, which is then hard to resist and become as problem. Unfortunately, you are out of the apartment most of the day and there is where he takes advantage and goes for it. I would no longer try to talk "nice" to him and I speak only for myself that I would total access to the computer (he can also delete the history easily) and if the behavior continues, you will need to re-evaluate if this is how you want to continue in this relationship.  I don't see him doing anything else, so I would tell him like it is. "I'm concern at the amount of time that you spend watching porn and I now can say, that you have an addiction, what are you going to do about this." Tell him, "I'm now bothered, concerned and hurt and I want YOU to take care of it or this relationship is over:....no more nice, straightforward and to the point.  Good luck...Judy