what should i do

so my bf and i have been dating for 2.5 years.we used to have sex almost every day know not so much at all. he is totally into his porn on his phone.he hides stuff on his phone , well earases what he does. and when he doesnt and forgets to earase i find that hes looking at mass porn and craigslist personal adds. i know every man looks at porn but i beleivethere is kinda a limit on how much porn is acceptable. he is also one of those men who cant stop looking at other women he hears heels in the store and almost gets whiplash. hes 28 years old and should be over this stuff by now right? he has had naked pictures of women on his phone. not just a couple but at one point over 100 and he says he dont know where they came from he didnt even know they were there. how is that? our intamacy is pretty much gone. there is no kissing with out him freaking out and saying i dont want to make out well im not trying to make out im talking about a good morning kiss or a how was work good to see you kiss. no hugging. i mean every know and again he gets a tad intamate but not often. i have spent so much money trying to get his attention. i bought outfits and when he would get home after work i would have one on and greet him at the door or be in bed waiting and he would just sit down in his chair and either get on his phone or go to sleep. i love him alot but i need some attention. i have gained weight since we have been together. so i dont know if that is it because all the women he likes to look at are perfect and i am anything but that i have curves plus a lil extra.but so does he! its so frustrating to come home and be sexually interested but he isnt because he just got done releiving himself right before i got there. why couldnt he wait? any thoughts?

[cdm763]

We (Men) all like LOOKING at the picture perfect woman on TV or in a magazine. Don't let that getyou too upset. The lack of intimacy is a pretty big issue though. Not being rude or getting too personal, but can you think of anything you may have said or done at some point that could have made him feel inadequate/insecure? Maybe not even pertaining to sex, but just as a man in general? Maybe something about his job? Not making enough money? Anything at all? Because if he feels you've made any statements that challenge his manhood in any way, some men will find it hard to show affection and/or be intimate with their wife. Just some ideas...

[kris550]

i dont believe so.. well one time he could tell that i was upset after sex. and he spouted off well if your not satisfied then go somewhere else. but i mean when we have sex and i mean when it last maybe 15 min and thats it. everytime. and im sorry but i cant do my thing all the time in 15 min and it ends so suddenly that it becomes disapointing.and he just gets right to it not intamacy before hand. but i have always looked up to him and he knows that i feel he works hard. the only issues we have had is with his ex and thats bc she would always come over and he sneak behind my back and go see her and i would found out from his mom. but we ussed to have a really good sexual relationship.i should probably begin with when it started.i became kinda uninterested in sex for about a month or two. he tried about two weeks before he bagan his thing to become more intamate but i was unreseptive to the idea. i had alot going on in my life about that time. but he never got that  way agian at all he just went further and further away

[cdm763]

Honestly that could have very well hurt his feelings, like he felt "shunned" by you weren't receptive when he tried. I can also tell you for sure, from a mans perspective, a surefire way to severely damage a mans ego (And as a result, make him "withdraw" sexually) is to be visibly upset with him after sex. Not good at all. You would have been better discussing it the next day maybe, but right after he's done his thing, the last thing he wants to look over and see is a definate sign that he didn't fulfil his manly duties in the sack. Just sayin... That can seriously damage a mans ego, and therefore make him very timid about engaging in sex with that person again for the fear of feeling that humiliation. One thing that I don't think many women are aware of, and the lack of awareness has spawned a great myth that men "don't care" about whether they satisfy their lover. Biggest myth ever. If that were the case, then why do you think studies continue to show that around 90% of men are concerned about the size of their penis? All we use it for is to urinate, we couldn't care less how "adequate" it is. We care because we want to think that when we are having sex with our spouse that we are giving them pleasure that they are unable to achieve elsewhere.

[kris550]

i know he cares i didnt want him to see that i was unsatisfied it just happened. thank you for your advice. its kinda nice to hear it from a man.even though its not what i wanted to hear but maybe i can fix it any ideas on how to mend something like that?

[cdm763]

Wow. I might be the wrong guy to ask (I have posted a problem of my own today on here that pertains to this situation), but I do believe its fixable. The only thing I can say for sure is that IF that is the issue, then you need to cater to his ego. Look, thats what spouses do. A woman doesn't ask her husband if she's still as sexy as she was 20 yrs ago because she REALLY want to know the honest answer to the question. Trust me, she knows that she doesn't look as physically attractive at age 40 as she did at age 20... She asks because she is feeling a little insecure and is depending on the one person that loves her enough to cater to her ego a little and tell her what she needs to hear. Same thing here. Cater to his ego. Make him feel like he is the best thing since sliced bread when it comes to the bedroom. How you do that will take some imagination since, assuming thats his problem, it'll be a bit tough to get him in the bedroom right now. I can only tell you for sure that IF thats the problem, then catering to his ego SHOULD help eventually. It may take a little time, but don't give up.

[Womanontop]

Being a bit familiar with this situation myself, I wanted to share. Men are so friggn fragile it is ridiculous... The ego thing... you just have to rebuild it. Lie if you have to but make him the king in the sack again. if you are having trouble cumming and need more time then I suggest you get yourself going a bit before he does. Play with yourself and tease him in front of him. Get him all worked up and then right when you are about to *** let him in on the action! It will blow your mind. Be experimental.

Do not feel like you are in competition with these internet porn girls. They are not real to him. Just easier to please then a complicated woman like us.... Just read a few posts by the guys on here (MED HELP). They think we are so complicated... LOL We are, I'll admit to it. Still, you need to be confident and get yours first. Let him see you want him to finish in you or with you and it might be the spark to start the engine in the right motion again.

The truth is, he would rather be in harmony with you and feel like he is pleasing you than if he is "relieving" himself without you. No fun in that. Flesh is flesh! Warm and sensational. So unless he has lost all his marbles (and I know he hasn't) then he still wants to "feel" you.

Mend his broken pride and tell him his **** is something beautiful.. Even if you are fibbing! Good luck doll face! And know the power of your *****! LOL